12/2/02 Hi, I’m Ian Williams


Hi, I’m Ian Williams and at Columbia County Farm, we’re not content with being just shiftless: we take laziness to another level. Don’t wanna sit upright for an entire movie? How about putting it on your laptop, then putting the laptop on your belly – so you and yours can remain prostrate for the entire thing!

We watched Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones tonight in that very fashion, although the new iBook’s speakers are so weak that I had to rig up a boom box at the foot of the bed and pipe it from the headphone jack. Not bad, I tellsya.

It did leave me with a few thoughts:

1. I never saw this in a theater. There was a time when I joined the rest of my generation in a two-day campout to see the new Star Wars movie, and this time I remember forgoing the film in favor of hoops. I think The Phantom Menace had something to so with my interest falling off a cliff: so wooden and dreary, it reminded me that it is definitely not 1977 and I do not own my orange Huffy anymore.

2. Although digital filmmaking is a pretty exciting venture, there was definitely something… I dunno, sherbet about this whole movie. It was pretty enough, but sometimes it reminded me of that Dire Straits video Money for Nothing in its two-dimensional hazes, all the color of Italian gelato. Some of the digital scenes in the Pink House movie come off more honestly, and we spent $119.75 million less.

3. My grandmother used to cry every time we mentioned Matthew, the cousin 9 days older than me, who died in a car accident on his 2nd birthday (1969). I never understood why it seemed so recent to her until I did the math: for her, 1969 was only about 17% of her life ago, whereas for me, it was almost 95% of my life ago (actually, I don’t remember it at all).

Not to trivialize Matthew’s death (I will no doubt soon dedicate a blog to him and the affect he had on our family), but the same function applies to the Star Wars movies. When I was 12, and “The Empire Strikes Back” ended, three years to wait for “Return of the Jedi” was a goddamn lifetime. Now, at the age of 35, it seems like last month that I was helping salvage the DVD campaign for “Phantom Menace.” Perspective allows you the ability to wait for things, it allows patience, it allows for delayed gratification, and it is the one thing kids never have. God knows I didn’t.

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