A few months ago I rabidly bemoaned the moron-ification of Dennis Miller, but now he’s finally made it official: the motherfucker is actually campaigning for George Bush. I’m at a loss, really. It’s as if one of your best buddies in chess club at junior high school suddenly joined the football team and made fun of you with their new friends. I would love to hear his “conversion story,” and it better be as good as Saul On the Road to Damascus, because I know Dennis Miller used to be smart.
Last week, my sister was out with a guy, who, by all accounts, was reasonably attractive, well-spoken, and paid for the cocktails. She was well on her way to giving him the time of day when he suddenly revealed – after hours of being normal – that he was a conservative Republican. By the time the conversation turned to the “abortion in murder” stuff, she was stonefaced and sickened by this dude, and despite her profound kindness and circumspection, she walked off and hasn’t thought of him since.
There are dealbreakers in life, y’know? Some things you won’t live with anymore, and some things you won’t live without. I won’t have a car without AC, for starters. Tessa began falling in love with me on our second date, when I waxed pompous at the Ear Bar about the insanity of the death penalty. No, I don’t usually get political – especially on a date with a girl who has big thingies – but she asked, and if I’d had a different response, it would have been a dealbreaker.
I used to be fairly forgiving of these things. I could overlook someone being a Republican, even if I had to lie back and think of England (Queen Victoria’s advice to her daughter, who didn’t like her prince). I could even have rational discourses with pro-lifers. But I think those days are over for me, at least for a while. I’m so fucking pissed off these days that I feel like it’s time for revolution, not sitting politely through dinner while some sanctimonious fuckwad pooh-poohs the evidence of global warming. I mean, I’m still funny and charming and shit, but these people have got to understand that Coddlin’ Time is OVER.