merci merci me!


Oh my god, could I like, totally love the internet any more than I actually do? I hate to break it to those Luddites in their 50s who are proud of the fact they can’t turn their computer on, but when the history of This Era is written, the birth of the Internet will have the same significance as the birth of Christ. You think I’m kidding, or being offensive, but let’s meet again in 450 years and see. If my predictions turn out to be churlish and stupid, then drinks are on me.

Anyway, through the magic of the Internet, I have found out the following things:


1. My TiVo is expandable. Not having read any newsgroups or anything, I assumed that 11 hours of quality video was all you were going to get. Then I visit Salem in Jasper, GA and he’s got a TiVo with more memory than the Supercomputer Cluster at Virginia Tech.

So I did some more research, and found this page, and now I’ve got a 120 Gig drive coming in the morning. May sound like a luxury, but it wasn’t that expensive, and I’ve got to record a zillion TV shows for career reasons. Thank you, The Internet!

(Oh yeah, if you really want to be dazzled, check out this page full of TiVo Cheats, Backdoors and Shortcuts. They will probably have their TiVos reaching Mars before NASA does.)


2. Grundle pain begone! As I am a dabbler in all things bicycle, I assumed that a big, thick plushy seat on my bike was going to make me comfortable. After all, it worked on my orange Huffy in 1977. But after a series of rides, I began to have a distinctly unappealing sensation in my, well, grundleoid area. I hate the name “taint,” preferring “perineum,” but you get what I mean.

After talking to Kevin at The Spin Cycle, I decided to go for the Specialized Body Geometry Milano saddle, which is cheap, stunningly comfy and “medically proven in clinical studies to prevent and reduce saddle-related numbness and impotence.” Won’t hurt yer grundle because there isn’t a seat where your grundle at! Thanks, The Internet!


3. I narrowly avoided fucking up my Wireless Airport. After reading the excellent discussion boards at Apple, I found out that the new firmware update and Airport software were screwing up everyone’s previously-working wifi. This was seconds before downloading the damn thing myself, and giving me one more wireless ulcer. Now I am pleasantly basking in the land of He Who Did Not Go First, waiting for someone at Apple to fix the problem. Thank you, The Internet!

4. Oh yeah, I re-established a connection with my now-wife, I made a great living for years, my family started talking every day again, and I get to break virtual bread with all of YOU. Yes, that’s right. The first three aren’t really as important as Jesus, but the last one is. Thank you, the Internet.

0 thoughts on “merci merci me!

  1. DB

    And, really, thank Al Gore. Having read Al Franken’s book, I can tell you that what Al actually said is that he pushed funding for the arpanet’s transition into the internet. He never claimed to invent it, just to have supported it. Of course, GWB supported a lot of bars (and, rumor has it, cocaine cartels) in college, so that’s about a horse apiece. DB

  2. Bud

    I really want to become a proper poet someday, just so I can sing a song of the Internet.
    You didn’t even mention Google, or AltaVista’s Babel Fish translator, or MapQuest — so many amazing resources, ours for free (more or less)!
    I’ll always hold in a special part of my heart.
    You’re right — the ‘Net shows its most wonderful aspect in bringing people together, especially people who don’t know each other yet — but should.
    God Bless the Internet! [waves flag of all nations]


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