zygotes and syzygy

3/28/04

So it’s time for that talk again, the one where we decide whether or not we’re going to have kids right now. The truth is this: people have kids all the time, we certainly wouldn’t be the first

0 thoughts on “zygotes and syzygy

  1. Alan

    I always feel like a dime store guidance counsellor when I read these posts. I wanna say you worry too much but I am thinking that would have been like telling Charles Schultz he doodled about kids too much. So – have kids and move through the unluck to make it an asset.

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  2. Laurie from Manly Dorm

    Hi Ian. Guess what? You just reached the last stage of analysis that I went through right before my husband and I took the plunge and decided to have a baby. I was always of the mind-set that my career would be the real key to my self-actualization. First comes law school, then comes a great career as an attorney, yada yada yada. The reality is that no matter how hard you work or how wonderful your work product is, you are always at the mercy of other forces (corporate downsizing, toxic co-workers, lay-offs) — no matter if you work for the Man or work for Yourself. The law field is particularly heartless and capricious (big surprise!) I have seen too many people pour blood, sweat and tears into their work/firm/company, only to be unceremoniously booted for a variety of miscellaneous reasons. In the end, the little piece of immortality that you create in your family outlasts everything else — work, career, academic success.
    By the way, if, by chance, your little one ends up to be full of vinegar as well, you will be well-equipped to help him through the quagmire of childhood issues, because you have “be there, done that.” You may very well be pleasantly surprised by an even-tempered, sleep-through-the-night happy little baby! And then you will worry about why nothing seems to be wrong with him!
    Go for it! Take care.

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  3. Rhonda

    If that’s you in 1968 we’re both about 37 -38, and I’ll assume Tessa the same. I love this blog and the fact that I’m not the only one who had the “talk” much before deciding when to have a child. Mark and I met young and were married at 23 & 25. We had time to finish school, meet real life with all it’s ups downs and “realities” and then shortly after our tenth anniversary we had our daughter Lauren. She’s the love of our lives and I can’t imagine life with out her, but i’m glad I waited until I was “ready”. If your both of the same age, your careers are established, your happy with the state of your lives – ready you are. It will be the best project you’ve ever created or developed. And the production is a long one, min. 18 years, more likely the rest of your life. And best of all, you get to be a kid again all over…and I mean this in the most positive way. And your family, near or far there is nothing like a new family member to get everyone giddy with joy.

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  4. CL

    Another reason for you two to have a kid: When he or she grows up, he or she will just one more force doing some good into the world and fighting evil.

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  5. CL

    Hmmm…now I’m thinking selfishly about it. If you have a kid, this blog will become All About the Kid. OK, OK, maybe not…I’ll have faith.

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  6. Just Andrew

    Simple really,
    as another redheaded Tar Heel with 2 young boys, all I can say is that the world needs more redheaded Tar Heels.
    also as my friend Dave says – one of the best things about kids is making them.

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  7. salem's little sister

    Hey Ian. I don’t know if Salem told you, but I am about 8 weeks into baking my own little Tar Heel. The enormity of what lies ahead of us doesn’t compare to the feelings of joy and excitement. James and I are making a family. How amazing that we get to do that.
    Love to you and Tessa,
    Katie

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  8. oliver

    There’s luck, but there’s also how easily one gets beaten down by failures and setbacks. All things equal, a more resilient person gets more rolls of the dice. He or she just eats the shit and rolls again.

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  9. Andy

    Ian,
    For me, all personal success was eclipsed by becoming a father. Because (as you point out) personal career success or failure in ANY field can be so arbitrary, I realized I didn’t want that to define who I was. Now, I’m a dad. Period.
    I also thought that the ultimate “non-drug” drug was the feeling of being on stage in front of 1000s of people and making them laugh. I know this sounds cornball, but that feeling doesn’t compare to a “Daddy, I love you” from your child.
    Parenting is the ultimate struggle but also the ultimate reward.
    In other words, GET BUSY WITH THE “GETTIN’ BUSY”!

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  10. Laurie from Manly Dorm

    I agree with CL! If you have a baby, please don’t replace entries like the “anthropomorphic shapes of the US” and “my very, very silly resume” with such kid-centric entries like “Baby has not had a bowel movement in 2 days – is this normal?”

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  11. chip

    My guess is the gene for disagreeable infant is recessive so that Tessa’a charm and graciousness gene would cancel it out and you’d have a well-behaved infant. And if not, at least your aunts and uncles will have a good laugh.
    If you do have a kid soon I’ll take some credit for responding with the “At Weaver Street Market, with their strollers” line.
    I also think you guys have more kid-friendly careers than most and have your collective act as together as it can be before embarking on this sort of thing.

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  12. Ian

    Rhonda – I’m 36, Tessa’s 34, hence there’s that whole “YOUR FERTILITY PLUMMETS AT 35!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” thing we have to endure.
    And yes, folks, I’m aware of what happens to a bloggist when they have a baby. It’s almost as bad as those knitting blogs. But hey, maybe we’re both infertile and you’ll be spared.

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  13. David Ball

    Yep, success in the arts is arbitrary. But ditto Andy–“career ambition twharting, where is thy sting?” Zaid and I were playing one day, and he came across a picture of me. He picked it up, said, “Daddy”, and gave it a kiss. Why in the world would I care about anything else?

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  14. Greg

    Before our son was born I worked long ours and got very stressed about work. I honestly can’t remember why anymore. Now It’s just a way to make money so I could make his life better. Don’t stress too much about fertiltiy in the 30’s – we had our first when my wife was 35 and all’s well. Modern science and clean living (Tessa, at least) will see that your child is healthy enough to scream bloody murder and wake you with the sun every morning – like it or not.

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