love handles everyone


One thing about being back in LA: you’re definitely forced to think about yourself occupying a “physical space.” In New York, you can get away with being a neurasthenic writer with little or no care given to grooming, and your weight can fluctuate about 10 lbs. either way without anyone particularly giving a shit. But the visual social structure here is so exacting that you honestly find yourself looking at yourself all the time.

Strange thing is, this is occurring at a time in my life when I feel the Desire to Be Physically Acceptable beginning to slip away. I think we must spend so many years trying desperately to measure up to the other gender (or your same gender, if that’s the way you butter your bread) that we get to a point where we are simply EXHAUSTED.

For some, this means finally getting nice and fat. For others, like me, it means living in that in-between state of sucking in my gut, but not really feeling like sucking in my gut anymore. I think Tessa and I are doing fine:



2001, April 2002, April 2003, April 2004

But as I sit around all of these cast members, 15-year-old hotties and 25-year-old bombshells, I sometimes forget that I don’t need to care anymore. I wonder how it feels for beautiful women after they get married, or after they reach that magical age when they are no longer instantly considered sexual

0 thoughts on “love handles everyone

  1. rhonda

    I lived in Irvine the summer I was 19. La La land is all about the body, I went back to Oregon tan with a new wardrobe…I remember a friends mom commenting, “she’ll look like her old self again soon”. At the time I was offended (i was 19), it was true- the tanning booth lost it’s appeal. As we age we become comfortable with who we are (or at least we do if we’re lucky) and with our partners. Mark and I have been married fifteen years this September and we’re having a good time. From what I can tell as a reader, you and Tess are doing better than fine – consider yourself amoung the lucky. And does anyone regardless of looks ever stop flirting? I doubt it, Mark and I flirt with each other and i’m sure with others. Would Mark or I ever cheat – No. We married well, we’re like opposites that balance each other. And while opposites balance, they also drive each other crazy…that should still happen after 15 years. ;)
    This morning we’re taking Lauren to Greenfield village to visit Thomas the tank engine and his friends. The excitment level around the home is high and you can bet my little four year old will be doing a little flirting with Thomas today…

  2. cathie

    i sort of feel the opposite, vis a vis physical attractiveness. i was a totally geeky teenager, and in my 20’s i didn’t really care what i looked like. but as i have gotten older, more secure with myself, and most importantly, happier, i have taken better care and grown into my looks. i get more comments on the street at 37 than i ever did at 18, and *I* think i look great, which is the major difference.
    but i had a different experience of new york, too. living there, i felt like everyone was so gorgeous and thin – and it did teach me to dress better, all the time. but i like to say that every time i leave the city limits, i automatically get thinner and prettier because i am judged my normal standards and not new york’s!!

  3. Piglet

    Sexuality increases after marriage, if my life is any indication.
    I spent most of my single life socialy retarded, desperate for intimacy and thereby unattractive. Now that I’m married, flirtation comes at me from all directionseven with my hair loss. It’s either because I’m “safe” now (ie, no chance innocent flirting will lead to something serious), or because I’m no longer projecting that desperate longing that was on me like stink on kim-chee for so long. Or both.
    And yes, I pay more attention to my physical appearance than I used to. I owe it to the woman who chose to spend her life with me.


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