quiogue

6/23/04

You were the first girl who ever liked me, and though I haven’t thought of you in about five years, I watched “Children of a Lesser God” tonight, the same movie you and I saw in the theater, holding hands the whole time. I remember how deeply I wanted them to get together, and how I utterly longed for you and I to last.

You were just like the deaf girl – totally mysterious, angry, bitter, bizarrely pretty, and just enough of a wounded animal to invoke every ounce of protection in me. That night, when you hallucinated and told me the ingredients to an exotic bomb, I don’t know, I didn’t think it was possible to want anyone more.

When you came to visit again, and slammed the dorm door in my face, I walked around campus in an apoplectic haze, shattered. I didn’t know it then, but I resolved never to be hurt by another girl again.

Spring summer fall, spring summer fall, and gradually, I lost all track of you. I had heard whispers of a motorcycle accident, of marrying someone in the military, of three kids. Myself, I can’t imagine being happier where I am, with such a wonderful person who agreed to marry me, and the layers of amazing people that revolve around us, as we do them.

But for a brief moment tonight, I glimpsed into that tiny window and felt the sharp pang of a moment missed.

0 thoughts on “quiogue

  1. Piglet

    Ouch.
    I need both hands to count the number of people, almost all women, who went from treasured companions to going all Abu Ghraib on my heart and soul in an instant, sometimes without ever telling me why.
    Friends and lovers come and go, but when the closure isn’t right, or isn’t there at all, it never quite heals. Like you, I’m married to a woman who makes me bless the day I met her, and yet, every so often, I have nightmares about the past. Dreams in which I’m in the afterlife and have to obtain so-and-so’s forgiveness before they’ll let me into Heaven, and so-and-so reacts with stony silence to anything I do, no matter what. At such times, I envy the protagonist of “I am a rock”.

    Reply
  2. cullen

    sorry to pick, but Marlee Matlin’s character in “Children of A Lesser God” is profoundly deaf, not blind. There are some great scenes in that movie.

    Reply

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