Look, I know I can get tiring. Every three days or so, I pipe up and angrily spew forth how much I loathe Republicans and how utterly dimwitted most Americans are, and I was planning on taking a break and just write about the Hollywood sunshine, the gorgeous bougainvilleas or how Tessa and I got to go into the Pacific Ocean.
But I just came across a poll that blindsided me yet again: 42% of Americans still believe that Saddam Hussein was directly responsible for carrying out the 9/11 attacks. That’s 123,071,580 people. This wasn’t a poll conducted in 2001, or even at the beginning of the war. This was TWO WEEKS AGO.
America, I’ve been patient with you. You rallied around that monkey we call a president for the months following Sept. 11, and I guess that was okay, because we were all scared. You supported him as he went to war against Iraq because he talked about a mushroom cloud and for a niggling instant, I got a little scared too. Hell, the fact that 79% of you believe in God is a little unsettling to my agnostic soul, but it’s none of my damned business.
But this Hussein-9/11 connection is up there with “the Earth is flat” and “the stork brings babies.” What kind of Stone Age deductive processes have left you with the gullibility of a four-year-old? Do you also have trouble tying your shoes and long division? Do you need your closets checked every night for monsters?
WHAT THE BLISTERING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Even Fox News doesn’t say that Hussein had anything to do with the attacks, so I know you didn’t get it from there. Colin Powell has come out and SAID there’s no connection. No Iraqi believes it. No Islamic militant believes it. Fuck, not even a member of Al Qaeda believes it. And yet, you fat redneck pieholes, shoving biggie fries down your gullet and cranking hate radio, all 123,071,580 of you believe it.
Which comes to one conclusion: you’re really racist. Brown people attacked us on 9/11, and Saddam ruled a bunch of brown people, so he must have done it. That’s pretty sickening logic, and not only is it bad for kids, but it’s a terrible diversion while we’re hunting the actual perpetrators. I have no love for Saddam, but I had no love for Idi Amin, and he didn’t plan 9/11 either.
Oh, to hell with all 123,071,580 of you. You disgust me. Hopefully, you’ll be too stupid to find a voting booth.