for the love of gosh


Look, I know I can get tiring. Every three days or so, I pipe up and angrily spew forth how much I loathe Republicans and how utterly dimwitted most Americans are, and I was planning on taking a break and just write about the Hollywood sunshine, the gorgeous bougainvilleas or how Tessa and I got to go into the Pacific Ocean.

But I just came across a poll that blindsided me yet again: 42% of Americans still believe that Saddam Hussein was directly responsible for carrying out the 9/11 attacks. That’s 123,071,580 people. This wasn’t a poll conducted in 2001, or even at the beginning of the war. This was TWO WEEKS AGO.

America, I’ve been patient with you. You rallied around that monkey we call a president for the months following Sept. 11, and I guess that was okay, because we were all scared. You supported him as he went to war against Iraq because he talked about a mushroom cloud and for a niggling instant, I got a little scared too. Hell, the fact that 79% of you believe in God is a little unsettling to my agnostic soul, but it’s none of my damned business.



But this Hussein-9/11 connection is up there with “the Earth is flat” and “the stork brings babies.” What kind of Stone Age deductive processes have left you with the gullibility of a four-year-old? Do you also have trouble tying your shoes and long division? Do you need your closets checked every night for monsters?

WHAT THE BLISTERING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Even Fox News doesn’t say that Hussein had anything to do with the attacks, so I know you didn’t get it from there. Colin Powell has come out and SAID there’s no connection. No Iraqi believes it. No Islamic militant believes it. Fuck, not even a member of Al Qaeda believes it. And yet, you fat redneck pieholes, shoving biggie fries down your gullet and cranking hate radio, all 123,071,580 of you believe it.

Which comes to one conclusion: you’re really racist. Brown people attacked us on 9/11, and Saddam ruled a bunch of brown people, so he must have done it. That’s pretty sickening logic, and not only is it bad for kids, but it’s a terrible diversion while we’re hunting the actual perpetrators. I have no love for Saddam, but I had no love for Idi Amin, and he didn’t plan 9/11 either.

Oh, to hell with all 123,071,580 of you. You disgust me. Hopefully, you’ll be too stupid to find a voting booth.

0 thoughts on “for the love of gosh

  1. CL

    Hey, as long as they don’t blame us Jews (just kidding).
    Seriously, that is really scary. I wouldn’t have believed 4.2 percent, much less 42. It’s lucky I never leave the tristate area to meet actual people who believe such things.

  2. Laurie from Manly Dorm

    I think it may be time to up your dosage of Celexa. Have you thought about Lexapro with a Wellbutrin SR chaser?
    Ian, I am surprised by your shock at the thoughts of the average American. How have you been able to hang onto your naivete (I mean this in the best way, for lack of a better word)for so long??? I realized the minute I left the bubble of Chapel Hill that the average American does not think the way that I do. Hell, I realized the minute I left the campus and visited the local mall with my multi-racial group of friends that the average American does not think the way that I do! I don’t think that you can tell all 123 million + to f*&^ off like that, or you will give yourself an early death, brought on by high blood pressure and fits of rage. And your readers will miss you too much for that to happen.
    In the end, you have to accept that while YOU are not the average American, everyone else around you is! Your mailman, your employer, your co-workers, your mortgage lender, your in-laws and random relatives, your neighbor, your car mechanic, even the teacher at your local elementary school IS THE AVERAGE AMERICAN. You are surrounded!
    What can you do?? I chose to tear my Clinton-Gore bumper sticker off of my car in 1994 after having my car keyed and being nearly run off the road on a daily basis. (Keep in mind that I live in suburban Maryland, just outside of the Beltway, not in some redneck boondock). After getting a gander of the offspring and the vitriol of my average American neighbors, I decided to enroll my daughter in private school for kindergarten. Again, what can you do? There is still no place that I would rather live that the USA. Is there another place that is better?? I pose the question.
    The bottom line is that you can shelter yourself and your family for only so long before the average American comes a-knocking at your door.
    By the way, we enrolled our little girl in a private Catholic school. Which I suppose puts me and mine on your list of Average Americans! The God-worshipping type! You better ban me from your blog! Good grief! : )

  3. Andy

    Let’s just hope that “Average Americans” don’t buy the unbelievable crap coming from the Vice President and Speaker of the House. First, Cheney says the terrorists will likely attack us if we don’t vote for Bush. Then Hasert (sp??) says Al Qaeda wants Kerry to win the election.

  4. Chris

    No evidence yet uncovered that Saddam had any direct involvement with 9/11. But I am sure you know that the chemist who made the bomb used in the 1993 WTC bombing was an Iraqi who returned to Iraq once he finished making it. No question that Saddam was a sworn enemy of the U.S. and hated the Bushes almost as much as, well,
    Point? Maybe he was involved, maybe he wasn’t. Maybe all those supposed morons are right and you are wrong. You don’t know for sure. What if, someday, they find irrefutable, smoking gun evidence of a link? Or Saddam admits his complicity?
    Ever read about some of the interesting stuff they found in KGB files after the USSR collapsed? The details about secrets provided by U.S. spies to the KGB during the Cold War are really something. All the really smart people unendingly said these guys were totally innocent and that only totally evil right-wing assholes and morons would accuse them of being traitors and spies. Oppenheimer and the poor Rosenbergs were only a few. The KGB files were sort of like Elaine describing her noisy orgasms to Jerry: Fake, fake, fake, fake…(but she’d be saying, spy, spy, spy, spy…)
    Why does public opinion on this one issue matter so very much to certain people? Perhaps a link between Iraq and 9/11 runs directly counter to the desire to see Bush defeated? But hating (or loving) Bush has no bearing whatever on the truth or falsity of a link. Ironically, non-political people might tend to look at the linkage issue more objectively than those whose views are strongly skewed by their love or hatred for Bush. Especially since brilliant people like you and me don’t really have much better information on this than the great unwashed.
    Iraqis are browner than other Arabs? That is fascinating. Well, maybe that is better than if they all looked alike.

  5. Sean

    Dude, maybe instead of stopping the blog, you can just end the comments section.
    The logic above is the same logic that my best friend in fifth grade used to describe the invisible, zero-gravity second moon that rotates the Earth three times a day and is responsible for hunger pangs. I mean, it was hard to find any evidence that there *isn’t* a second moon. And I do get hunger pangs. Maybe he was right.

  6. Ian

    Actually, Chris is better-reasoned than most, and it is *technically possible* that we will find out that Saddam was directly involved in the Sept. 11 attacks. I just think that possibility is roughly as believable as the Hale-Bopp doomsday cult.
    Ethel Rosenberg was still innocent, though.

  7. oliver

    I think it’s totally credible that Saddam brought down the two towers, and I’ve seen the parachute photos. Cheney’s explanation is a little weak I suppose on how he got from cockpit #1 to cockpit #2 in the time inbetween, but folks who think he couldn’t have snuck back to that spider hole are just in la-la land.

  8. josie

    The Administration made enough inferences to make the average person link A to D, assuming that B & C were in the middle. It’s a big leap to make, but a lot of people really don’t think about what they hear, and they don’t recognize bias when they see it; they just absorb it.
    No one ever made the logical connection to me, and I still theorize about the real reasons for attacking Iraq. Shouldn’t we be offended that we weren’t trusted to accept the real motive (assuming, of course, that it was not simply to make the Houston cronies rich)? Why doesn’t Kerry play this up? Certainly as a member of Congress, he knows something about the real reason we attacked, unprovoked, another sovereign nation….
    You know, only recently, when called to the carpet by the inquiry, did any member of the administration actually come out and say that there was no Hussein – Al Qaeda connection, and stated that they (the Admin in general) never said there was a connection in the first place. They’re right. I never knew that the power of inference was so strong.
    Sadly, there are some people I think pretty highly of that still think they heard the stated connection, and they still believe it.
    Thanks for letting me blabber….

  9. Etrain

    Actually, the question asks “planning, financing, OR carrying out…..” My guess is, if the survey were re-written to say AND the results might be different. Also financing is definitely a lot more grey than the planning and operational aspects of the relationship. So if you took out financing from the survey question the results might be less. Remember, the 9/11 commission said no “operational collaborative relationship” – far different from no relationship. I agree that Saddam didn’t do 9/11, it just helps to think why they may answer that way. In the long run, might be better than blaming it on “fat redneck pieholes”!


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