American Coastopia!

11/2/04

Ladies and gentlemen, you needn’t fret anymore. We have decided that we can’t live in the United States anymore, because so many of you in the “heartland” are so full of shit. We were all going to move to various other countries, but then we thought – why should WE move?

We are tired of rednecks in Oklahoma picking the leader who will determine if it is safe for us to cross the Brooklyn Bridge. We are sick of homophobic knuckle-draggers in Wyoming contributing to the national debate on our gay marriages. So we have done the only thing we could.

We seceded.

May I present to you: AMERICAN COASTOPIA.

CUNationalMap.gif

That’s right, American Coastopia. The states of Washington, Oregon and California are joining us on one coast, and we will provide all of New England. In the middle of the country, we have taken Iowa and Illinois, mostly because we need the fine produce of Iowa’s soil, and the museums in Chicago are fabulous.

What’s with the other dots? Oh yes, we’re taking Chapel Hill and Durham, North Carolina too. I’m not going to live in a country without the Tar Heels. (And Duke? You’re being moved to Greensboro, just like Wake Forest was. Sorry! Assholes.)

The other dot is New Orleans, which you don’t deserve. American Coastopia needs a place to gamble, and the locals want nothing to do with you. Sure, you can visit, but it isn’t part of your country anymore.

I can sense your worry. Who will get all the banks? You can fucking have most of them, because we’re taking downtown and midtown Manhattan back, turning the whole thing into a giant artist colony replete with movie studios and progressive think tanks. Wall Street and other financial institutions will be relocated to Charlotte, which we believe will suit your needs better. Frankly, the good folks in Manhattan are sick of being a terrorist target for your benefit.

A word about our politics. Abortions will be safe and legal in American Coastopia, and homosexual men and women will be free to marry at their discretion. We will have our own currency, and trade with any countries we want. Everyone will have health care. Everyone will have an identity card. Homelessness and unemployment will be virtually unknown. We believe in a meritocracy and a huge chasm between church and state. 100% of our cars will be hybrid by 2006.

Yes, we’re taking all the people that ever created everything beautiful. Yes, we’re taking all the funny people too. All the sculptors, architects, surgeons, philosophers, violinists and fishermen. You should have treated them better when you had them.

We have no pledge of allegiance, but I can say this: I am no longer from your United States of America. I belong to American Coastopia, the United States of My Friends, the Nation of Two: my wife and I. We hold our noses as we fly over you. We are sickened by the way you treat people that are different from you. The rest of the world despises America, and we don’t want to be lumped in with you anymore.

Please, all of you who went to bed last night sick with worry, come to us. In American Coastopia, the light is always on, the hazelnut lattés are always hot, and we have a trundle bed for each and every one of you.

[ed. note: many emails asked for T-shirts, and we made these. Any profits go to our local school system]

340 thoughts on “American Coastopia!

  1. Paul Glaser +3

    My 3 roommates(Tadych, Shroom, Mike) & I pledge allegiance to American Coastopia. Since we are already located in beautiful Burbank, California we have nothing to do other than work on getting our loved ones out of the war-mongering, racist, homophobic, jesus-freaked, sexist, selfish, small-picture seeing, Mother Earth raping, Bush run country I am sad to call America.

    Reply
  2. Steven Sacks

    “America I’ve given you all and now I’m nothing.
    America two dollars and twenty-seven cents January 17, 1956.
    I can’t stand my own mind.
    America when will we end the human war?
    Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb
    I don’t feel good don’t bother me.
    I won’t write my poem till I’m in my right mind.
    America when will you be angelic?
    When will you take off your clothes?
    When will you look at yourself through the grave………..”
    I feel sick at the moment. If there is room in your new country please take me in because I am through with this one. I can’t look anyone in the eye this morning without wanting to scream. Tell me I’m still asleep.
    Steve

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  3. CHM

    Take Raleigh with you! I know we’ve been bad in the past with all the rampant NCSU support, but we’d gladly chop that arm off to join up. Don’t leave us in the dark with the Shrub!

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  4. Bozoette Mary

    HURRAY! I already live in American Coastopia! Although since Maryland is a border state, I suspect I’ll have be pretty vigilant. And DC? All except for the White House, please. The Smithsonian Institution is too cool to give to them. Or maybe we could just force them to relocate to Tex-ASS.

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  5. Sean M

    mmmmm…hazelnut lattes…
    i was also trying to decide which country to move to…and american coastopia sounds lovely. just need to find a man to share it (and my latte) with and it will be heaven.
    *sigh*
    my favorite (although i don’t think favorite is the right word) headline from today’s NY papers : ON THE BRINK — a phrase normally reserved to describe pending war or other such distaster, not the end of an election. quite appropriate in this instance.
    i’m gonna go be sick now.

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  6. Lisa

    Hey now … Janeane Garofalo on Air America last night suggested something similar a secession yes, but also a merger. Consider this an official invitation to Coastopia to join Canada. Together we can kick their mean-spirited asses. And we will do so in a very orderly fashion.

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  7. CL

    Whoever is president, it doesn’t have to change who we are or how we act. It is frustrating, but we can go to Coastopia in our minds every time we give our time or money to charity or argue with a homophobe.
    At 4 a.m. ABC said that their exit polls showed that in middle America, the top concern was “moral issues,” and Iraq was around 4th. It’s scary that people less worried about bombs than whether Heather has two moms.

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  8. hilary

    sign me up; unless i can figure out a way to hide out in france for the next four years. nights like last night remind of why i left north carolina after graduation and never looked back (except to visit la famille abandon

    Reply
  9. Piglet

    Another thing–please someone, ask Al Jazeera to broadcast the electoral map so that the arab nations will know which states tried. Hopefully they’ll blow targets in Texas or something, and not take it out on New York any more.

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  10. Greg

    Can I please appeal to the Coastopians to accept the northernmost municipalities of Virginia? We too have been suppressed by the mindless majority. I’m not asking that you take all of Northern Virginia, just the part inside the beltway. OK, maybe just Arlington & Falls Church – or just my house?
    Oh, and I’d like a SOY hazelnut latte – what with me being all lactose intolerant and all that…

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  11. Alan

    At then end of the Revolutionary War there was a migration north of people we call Loyalists and you call Tories. Locally the Mohawk community here in Eastern Ontario in large part came from that migration and was a large part of the safeguard of Canada which protected our then western borders through the war of 1812. Time for another migration? Or a succession?

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  12. the nightboy

    people of Coastopia, join with me in emailing our former country parents daily the deathcount in Iraq, so they can feel really, really bad.

    Reply
  13. the nightboy

    people of Coastopia, join with me in emailing our former country parents daily the deathcount in Iraq, so they can feel really, really bad.

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  14. Flaco

    No, Wake County is not welcome!!
    http://www.newsobserver.com/content/election2004/general/wake/W-PresidentAndVicePresident.html
    Surviving in the DMZ of Hillsborough, NC
    Fuck, this is a bad hangover, I HATE THE HINTERLAND
    I do like the lingua franca of Coastopia:
    haughty witty commentary on topics political,
    artistic, and bizarre
    Do you really want Merkin in the name?
    Let’s get rid of that scheme alltogether.
    Coastopia United has a good ring!!
    We are bringing our first child into this world
    in several weeks. We look forward to many things,
    but living in the the police state of US is
    not one of them.
    We never did watch a lot of TOOB, and will
    trend towards 0 from now on.
    We’re gonna beat the hell out of drums tonight!
    An INDICTMENT, I envision W in my djembe head
    FUCK YOU CHIMP ASS FUCKSQUAT SHRUB!

    Reply
  15. chip

    The responses from our friends north of the border gave me an idea…let’s go ahead and make Canada the 51st state…then their electoral votes will swing the election to Kerry.

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  16. Piglet

    The 51st state? How about making Canada the 51st through 62nd states, so that our more evolved neighbors will have influence in the Senate?
    OK, so Alberta will probably elect Republicans, but Saskatchewan and maybe the Yukon might actually elect a Green, and just think how much fun it will be to have the Senators from Quebec annoying Senator FreedomFries.

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  17. lizzie

    dude. you forgot boulder, colorado.
    i am in south carolina now!! ahhh!!
    but i am going to boulder in december.
    so you should add it to the map. i am sure everyone there will appreciate it.
    thanks for this post. long live american coastopia!!!

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  18. cheryl

    If I am to take any comfort at all today (I am wearing black, my eyes are closed in disbelief), it is that I live in New England, surrounded by like-minded and scared people. I’m already IN Coastopia and glad of it.
    But also, one of my reactions this morning was to creatively resist. I can’t help or stop it anymore. I want to write plays, poems, street theater, make t-shirts, whatever it takes!
    I want to talk to the married women in the Midwest who overwhelmingly voted for Bush because of his moral values. What are moral values exactly? Is killing children in Iraq a moral value, or does that not count because it’s not America?
    I’m sorry I’m rambling now. So upset…This site has helped a little. Thanks, Ian.

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  19. Jen

    The pentumverate has spoken. :( I hate the pentumverate. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so empty. despondent. angry. just plain sad.

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  20. Piglet

    Cheryl–you want to talk to married women in the midwest about their moral values? I did that for the past four months on the forum boards at http://www.crimescene.com Click community, then general discussion, then argument and debate. The participants are mostly from Indiana.
    You probably won’t like it if you do, though. They just pooh-poohed everything I said, relied on Fox News and the Swift Boat Liars for information and in general confirmed the worst stereotypes you may ever have had about church ladies. Yesterday (I’m not making this up), they were discussing a rumor that Kerry and his wife were both Jewish. Today they’re probably hopefully looking forward to the construction of gas ovens at Guantanamo. I don’t know; I’ve left that site for good. But you’re welcome to pick up where I left off. There’s a chance my head may have weakened the stone wall a bit for you.

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  21. stephanie

    i’m stunned at what has become of america, the so-called UNITED states. so much for that – i’m so grateful to be in PA, a part of the new nation of American Coastopia.
    and i can only shake my head in horrified disbelief at the mess created by that bastard in the white house and fear what is to come. we can’t withstand another 4 years of his “leadership”. someone save us all.

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  22. cheryl

    Piglet–I just looked on that site (thank you), which is quite scary. The combination of people perversely interested in crime scenes AND right-wing agendas is too much for me to handle. Maybe another day.
    someone help!

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  23. Wallis

    I am in love with you both. Irredeemably smitten. This is the best idea ever. I pledge eternal allegiance. BTW: Faboo idea to take all the funny people — but it’s really a moot issue since THEY DON’T HAVE ANY.

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  24. elizabeth

    Wisconsin wants in, too. it’s got a bad rep for being conservative, but has gone for the Democrat in the last four elections. plus Madison is San Francisco, just without all the coastline and salt water.
    also please note: Minnesota went for Kerry, too.

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  25. monkeygrrrl

    as a resident of the Southern part of Western Coastopia, i’m heartened to read this. see y’all at the next Coastopia Citizen Meeting!

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  26. Tracey H

    A tarheel living in Decatur, GA. Three out of four people in my state just voted to discriminate against me. I sit here devastated, by the overwhelming numbers, by the thought of at least 4 more years of “he whose name shall not be spoken.” I’m glad there is at least one piece of the southeast in American Coastopia. I hate cold weather! Although the chill down here is of a different kind, and a sweater won’t help.

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  27. aubs

    I’m IN. And thank GOD you’re bringing my Heels – I need some Carolina Blue in this self-righteously redneck state of Georgia (Atlanta included.)
    Who’s got the Blue Cups?

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  28. db

    as long you democrats continue to look down your snooty noses at the rest of america, you will continue to lose ground in the USA. best of luck with USofC and enjoy your latte.

    Reply
  29. Jessica

    Keep chins up, everyone! All we can do is continue to be the best people we can, and to try to be a positive influence for dumb asses. At least the Red Sox won.

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  30. Angela Bennett

    I am sickened by the fact that it is OK to bomb woman and children and to invade another country on a false pretense. I am sickened that 51% of my countrymen voted for a liar, cheat and thief but vilified Clinton for a consentual extra marital affair. I am sickened by the fact that this country, founded on the separation of church and state, is trying to force faux “christian” morals down my throat. I am sickened that 51% of Americans are too phucking lazy and stupid to think for themselves and rely on lies, pretext and the obfuscation of some right wing media outlets. I live in NJ and already am part of Coastopia – thankfully. But my heart and my soul ache for this once great nation. I don’t know how we’re ever going to survive the next four years. I fear for the children and the children’s children who will be saddled with this administration’s rampant spending.

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  31. suzanne

    Who is db and how did she get into Coastopia? We need a secret code. Maybe a new language? Oh, and I’m wondering if Durham can slide over and link up with a larger mass of Coastopia. It’s a bit frightening here in the middle of all this red.

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  32. virginia

    I have found my new home, since I know you will take in and old FDR liberal and embrace her..Usually , I can think of something clever and funny to say, but my brain is mush today..I am happy that you include California as I live in a little place on the central coast..

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  33. shabiqwa

    As usual – the party i joined and loved in 1980 is once again proving to me that switching party affliation to Red was the right move. The Dem party was not originated on the platform of hatred and elitism…unfortunately the party has become just that of which it is supposed to combat. so very sad. Incidentally, your new land DOES, indeed, have an official language…ebonics. unfortunately, not enough of the native ebonic-speaking population can get out of their escalades, and put down their bling-bling long enough to go and friggin’ vote. yet they continue to complain. hmmm. Enjoy your new land and your lattes — i’m off to a victory party.

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  34. murphy

    this has been a bad dream and the reality was all too many people today suggested leaving the united states. it’s been too long that the ignorant masses have lead the intelligent. we should be directing, not some cowboy pork-rind eating hick. true democracy. no electoral college bullshit. true democracy. Somebody has got to have the sense to set up a web site that can tally the opinions of all. We can post current issues on the web with straight verbage. If we pass bills that modify the language of another, the current wording and the intended change will be included immediately. No hunting around the internet for another bill and trying to figure out what the hell is changing. We need to get rid of as many ideas as possible from this hellish nightmare. people who use the expression “god bless america” in public addresses will be airlifted immediately to oklahoma. Textbooks will include true history regardless of whether something we did turned out to be erroneous; we want our children to learn from our mistakes. There should be no question about how to start, we just take the land and call it ours. it’s been done before.

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  35. Sylvan

    Don’t forget Minnesota! We went Blue, too, and don’t want to be left out of the new state! Plus, we’re the home of the late Paul Wellstone!

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  36. carrster

    Yeah – MN PLEASE!!!! Take us with you!! Duluth was OVERWHELMINGLY BLUE….sorry too many caps and exclamation points but if you don’t take us I’m heading north to the border. Waaaaah

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  37. oliver

    “…to look down your snooty noses at the rest of america…”
    Actually, my nose is more angry and piteous than snooty. Let’s not forget that half the country has been wrong before. Hopefully less will die this time. I think one upside of this ridiculous race will be that partisanship will cease to get a bad rap among supporters of the majority and minority alike. I suppose now a lot more people will see wars in the capitol as really about something and–as I felt inspired to hear Barbara Pelosi comment on NPR–and the populace will become familiar enough with the actual right-wing agenda that it’s representatives can no longer sell themselves as sensible moderates.

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  38. oliver

    Sorry “right-wing” isn’t really a useful term these days. Let me change that to “plutocratic, anti-diplomatic, intolerantly socially conservative agenda” (PADISCA?)

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  39. okey

    I am sure that my fellow DEMOCRATIC-voting Oklahomans would beg to differ with your insulting rhetoric. Ya’ll come back now, ya here?

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  40. Marisa

    What? No Austin? We hate that idiot in the WH and we have great music! We also have Molly Ivins and Jim Hightower and the Texas Observer. Take us, PLEASE!

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  41. jtayunc7

    Don’t forget about Hawaii!! It is way too cool to leave behind! I’m grateful that I already live in a Coastopian state. A couple of weeks ago I expressed the desire to move to another country if the stupid one won. This has provided me with a nice alternative. Thank you.

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  42. ladyperegrine

    Thank you! I too want to be a member of Coastopia, even though I live in FL currently. Where should I move?
    C.

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  43. Laurie from Manly Dorm

    Hi Ian. Your citizens of Coastopia are starting to scare me. . . everyone sounds like the “hatemongers” from which they are hoping to extricate themselves! Anyway, you should be proud of yourself for all of your efforts — on your blog, in OH, etc. You tried your best to rock the vote, and by God you did. That is really all that you can do. In a democracy, everyone’s vote counts equally, and the current climate was unfortunately not in your favor. Your day will come! In the meantime, reconsider your Coastopia. Do you really want to live in a place where everyone thinks/acts/believes/looks the same?

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  44. Dave Roth

    We live in Fairfax County, Virginia. We would like to apply for political asylum. We are renouncing our American citizenship and anxious to relocate in Coastopia whenever you launch your resettlement program. My wife and I prefer Seattle, my son prefers Boston. But when it comes down to it…..anywhere but here.

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  45. Rachel

    Please send a helicopter to pick up my roomate (from Oregon) and I (from Baltimore- hell yea RAVENS!)… We’re still scratching our heads as to how we both wound up at Rice U. in Houston!!
    Coastopia here we come!!

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  46. Irene

    I’ve been talking about seceding all day! Wouldn’t it be grand? Middle America doesn’t deserve the beautiful Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges that are outside my door! I don’t think they should even get to visit! Next time I see a southern tourist taking photos while I’m walking over the Brooklyn Bridge I’m going to kick them off! It’s either Coastopia or I have to find out what’s required to get a license to practice medicine in Canada. Coastopia could be neutral, like Switzerland, and full of all the best and most creative of our society!

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  47. oliver

    I’m not sure what Laurie from Manly Dorm might be referring to as hate mongering (although I see that talking about secession is divisive), but I’d like to point out it’s not hateful to say the Bush administration is antidemocratic, plutocratic and militarily adventuristic. These are subjective value judgments, but they are judgments that a reasonable person can reach based on the facts (as did perhaps a hundred million or so Americans and a billion or so foreigners). One can hate Bush and his administration while recognizing that his supporters simply are (not that we aren’t all, but they in a way that’s pertinent to this matter) deceived.

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  48. ses

    I loved (yes, past tense) the idea of Coastopia until I noticed that no one waxing rhapsodic about our next Nirvana decided to take on the racist interloper “shabiqwa” spewing off missives about the black people who will be sharing Coastopia as well. Maybe Coastopia isn’t the promised land that it’s purported to be–at least not if you’re black like me. Thanks anyway.

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  49. Mike

    I already live on the west coast in the state of Washington. We have plenty of rednecks here,can they be deported? I am attempting to flee to Victoria B.C.,apply for refugee status and leave this corporate fascist nation behind.

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  50. Mia Genn

    Somsone wrote: “Who is db and how did she get into Coastopia? We need a secret code.”
    …Well, any ‘Coastopia’ would have to tolerate dissent just the way United States of America does. Ya think?
    The utopian feeling would last a day, and then a new conservative wing would grow from within. The blog entry was funny and wonderful and made a lot of good points. But of course, in real life, it wouldn’t be so very simple. What we need to do is cut out a lot of the name-calling and rhetoric and look for common ground. Bombing babies and children in Iraq is awful, as someone said; yet, others believe killing ‘babies’ in clinics is awful. Of course, that all depends on where they believe life begins, and whether they’re basing their assumptions on The Bible or just PRETENDING to take it from the Bible because they really believe 16-year-old girls who get pregnant deserved it.
    I am an angry liberal, and I clench my fists every time I hear ignorance from the right, and from the right’s more ignorant supporters. And yet, I don’t want to become guilty of the same things they are. I loved the blog entry and I apologize for this long comment, but after reading all 71 I wanted to add that. We can tolerate dissent in Coastopia.

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  51. Amanda

    As a current senior at UNC who plans to move to LA after graduating I am safely nestled in American Coastopia and very, VERY proud to be. Thank you for such a wonderful new nation!

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  52. Bud

    For now I’ll have to content myself with keeping you Coastopians posted on goings-on in the Empire-formerly-known-as-the-United-States-of-America (EFKATUSA).
    First, let me assure you that so far it’s not as bad as some of us had feared. That rumor about all the liberals having to report to “re-education fun camps” is totally not true. We just have to go and register at the local Republican HQ. We’re supposed to pack and bring a suitcase, for some reason. Aren’t those Repubs a strange bunch?
    Well, gotta run. I’ll report more later! I hope.

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  53. Kathleen Cosgrove

    I could not talk about what happened last night until later in the day today, but thank you for writing exactly what was going on in my mind. I knew there were racist and hateful jerks, just still had hope that they were not more than half of the US. Ohio deserves the poverty that is only going to grow in the next four years.

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  54. sarae

    oh god! please let madison, wisconsin in! we’re nice and liberal, our congresswoman is a lesbian! kerry whopped bush with over twice the votes, despite the rest of the state’s reluctance. don’t make me live in old america.

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  55. Mom

    To shabiqwa and his/her racist invective.
    Listen, you jerk. I drove from NY to Ohio to be part of “Election Protection” and was assigned to a very black district. You say:
    “not enough of the native ebonic-speaking population can get out of their escalades, and put down their bling-bling long enough to go and friggin’ vote.”
    I had the privelege of helping a large number black people FIND the friggin voting place, which was in a building owned by a nasty (obviously Republican) white guy who tried to run us off (illegally) and pulled up our signs… which were, incidentally, the ONLY thing marking the polling place. I watched as black people, young, old, middle aged, found their way to that building, angry as hell at Bush, to cast their votes. They were an inspiration to me. Many were disabled and came on crutches, in wheel chairs, or limping, and at times they had to wait in line for a long time. Many of their names were not on the voter rolls, and some were given provisional ballots reluctantly. I was happy to be there, to hear their stories, to see their determination, to hear their complaints and try to help. I don’t remember any of them wearing bling bling. One elderly black woman who I watched struggle two blocks on a cane (stopping to rest every few feet) to get to the polls would have been happy to get there in an escalade. It took her a full twenty minutes to negotiate that two blocks. When she got to where I was standing, I said, “Hi? Here to vote? Do you know where you need to go?”… and she smiled broadly and said “You BET I am, and yes, thank you, I know where to go. God bless.”
    So you potty mouth racist scum,… you don’t know what the hell you are talking about. You insult and denigrate the good people I had the pleasure of meeting at that Ohio polling place. No wonder they are so pissed off at white America.
    Cheesh….

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  56. Just Andrew

    So far ahead of you…
    The broke up in 1991 and now the greatest band that ever lived is back with a new album – Camper Van Beethoven just released ‘New Roman Times’ in October.
    It is a concept album of sorts – takes place in an alternate reality USA. The story is of a disenfranchised soldier from the Republic of Texas who moves to the Republic of California and joins a group of rebels known as the CVB.
    Not to give away the ending, but he does blow up a disco.
    http://www.campervanbeethoven.com
    are you 51-7?

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  57. Steve & Cialin

    America just took a national IQ test . . . and failed miserably. We would be happy to initiate secession proceedings, and are also thrilled that Eugene is smack dab in the middle of Coastopia.
    We can definitely dispense with a pledge of allegiance, but can we have an anthem? Any suggestions?

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  58. An Observer

    Hmmmmm. You want to take “all the people that ever created everything beautiful. Yes, we’re taking all the funny people too. All the sculptors, architects, surgeons, philosophers, violinists and fishermen.”
    Unfortunately for Coastopia, political beliefs have no monopoly on creativity; your net will cast widely to include an awful lot of “right-wingers.”
    Look closely at the maps. “Good” people everywhere, even those who do not agree with you. As Laurie of Manly Dorm notes, tolerance and diversity cut both ways. Learn to live in a diverse society with people who just might not agree with you.
    Or not. Leave and abandon all right to participate in change.

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  59. mikey h

    I officially register with Coastopia, renouncing my citizenship in a country wildly out of touch with reality and humanity. Screw Them. And May God Have Mercy On Their Souls.

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  60. brad

    Economoc secession! That’s where our power is. We need a Red State Boycott, or better, a Red County boycott. CNN has the “by county” results. We should identify the businesses based in the reddest counties and boycott them.

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  61. tensy cobb

    Your site has lifted me out of a deep funk and I thank you. Don’t forget the Virgin Islands, they don’t get to vote down there but they are true blue and don’t want to get left behind!

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  62. JBR

    Can I just stay where I am (Arkansas — red state, but home of Bill Clinton, so it ain’t all bad), but become a citizen of Coastopia and have diplomatic immunity? I’m prepared to spy and all. Seriously.

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  63. jm

    Coastopia seriously rocks. Even though I am safely already within bounds, I do agree that we should vote in Madison, WI and its boundaries, Minnesota, Little Rock, Austin and Hawaii. I can vouch for ’em. We’ll just have to move them around a bit. Oh, Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico? We should let them in too because that means they’ll finally get some fair representation.
    I find it interesting to be lectured by Laurie of Manly Dorm on tolerance and diversity as the US has elected the most intolerant administration we’ve seen in awhile. Odd, that. Not very self-aware. As a Christian and a Liberal, I am probably more sensitive to it, though.
    P.S. Can we please mandate that we really uphold this separation between church and state thing in Coastopia? I’m getting a bit annoyed that the fundamentalist brethren would like to legislate how I am interpreting the Gospels. They are human and not divine, so I understand that they are fallible and all, but still. This Sojourner isn’t down with that at all.

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  64. ek

    To the uptight meathead who wrote this:
    Hmmmmm. You want to take “all the people that ever created everything beautiful. Yes, we’re taking all the funny people too. All the sculptors, architects, surgeons, philosophers, violinists and fishermen.”
    Unfortunately for Coastopia, political beliefs have no monopoly on creativity; your net will cast widely to include an awful lot of “right-wingers.”
    Look closely at the maps. “Good” people everywhere, even those who do not agree with you. As Laurie of Manly Dorm notes, tolerance and diversity cut both ways. Learn to live in a diverse society with people who just might not agree with you.
    Or not. Leave and abandon all right to participate in change.
    *******************************
    Ummm… I see you’re quite unfamiliar with the concept of HUMOR!
    Good grief! Some people…

    Reply
  65. The Padre

    Swinging a thurible like any progressive Anglo-Catholic, I am going to make a coast-to-coast (flying over the middle, obviously) procession with incense, grand music, and Alleluias for our brethren and sistren of the new America!!! And I am nominating the Fab Five as Secretaries of Homeland Good Taste. C’mon, you KNOW some of you need help!
    And Canada is WAY too cold to move to, besides, my French isn’t so hot…

    Reply
  66. LHanna

    I’m in a blue state, feeling really blue! If only we truly could make Coastal Utopia a reality! This morning, dropped son off at pre-school and had a mom come up to me and say, “Since the election is over, I just want to tell you that your campaign tactics (had my car windows painted with Bush facts for people to read) was tasteless and a lot of other moms agreed.” Wimpy woman that she is, didn’t have the guts to give her opinion until AFTER her candidate won and she felt righteous enough to voice this to me! I wrote a website down for her to get some facts, http://www.usccr.gov, which she crumbled and thru in the garbage; just like these people did with our country! Please come remove this ignorant woman to a red state and out of our utopia! Thanks.

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  67. edharbor

    What have they done?
    They have the nerve to critize the religious fanatasism of Islam and others, yet they claim to vote on moral principles and issues. Since when did the constitution recend the separation of state and religion?
    We must do what we can. Revolt and boycott,and not let one thing go by us! We will not and should not allow the perpetual scams and lies that allow for the deaths of our men and women at war abroad and the war we face here at home!
    Enough!

    Reply
  68. grr

    Please take me too…I live in Moscow, Idaho. Yea, Idaho. The reddest state in the Empire of Merka. But there’s a ton of us blue-bloods here in Moscow, and you know you don’t want to leave an entire theatre department of artists behind.

    Reply
  69. Rachel

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. This has been the most bipolar week of my life. First I’m flying high above what used to be my whole country when the Sox win the Series, only to crash and burn when unemployed Midwestern assholes decide, “Hey, I know the folks at Halliburton need the jobs more than I do. I’m MUCH more concerned about queers getting health benefits. That’s why I’m voting Bush.”
    I barely lived through Nixon and Reagan and I am sick of not having a country AGAIN. Let me know when you start making flags. I’ll wave it beside my Red Sox Nation banner.

    Reply
  70. Ian

    There have been much clamor for flags and bumper stickers, but the main motto of American Coastopia is that we don’t believe in symbols of our country. I might make T-shirts with a map, however.
    And yes, I imagine we’ll run some Underground Railroads to places like Moscow, Idaho and Wash U. in Missouri. We care about our expats, y’know.

    Reply
  71. Eve

    The sad reality of all this, is not only the monkey that was voted into office for another 4 years. But the baboon with the colorful ass that might follow. (JEB)
    “BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!”
    “WERE TO CAPTAIN?”
    “COASTOPIA, SCOTTY, COASTOPIA.”

    Reply
  72. Lisa

    I have wept my tears for America, but it is time to look forward. Thank the sweet Goddess, I live in Long Beach, California and embrace American Coastopia!!!Thank you for this site!

    Reply
  73. Terry

    Count me in! I suggested something similar this morning to my partner! Except, we did win Washington, D.C., so it should be a part of Coastopia too. Besides, they don’t deserve the White House and our beautiful capitol building. Let them make Crawford, TX their capitol. And, by the way, the Kennedy Center should be ours. They don’t know what to do with it anyway. Also, we should hold all those in the Coastopian states who voted for the anti-christ, hostage and exchange them one for one for the good people trapped in the United States of Busherica. I am one of those. Please don’t leave me here!!!!

    Reply
  74. Camilo

    Come get me out of here! I do fully support Coastopia, and will gladly sign to write its Constitution/Laws/Procedures.
    Are we ready to pledge our fortunes, our lives, our sacred honor?

    Reply
  75. no one in particular

    jm said:
    Oh, Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico? We should let them in too because that means they’ll finally get some fair representation.
    It should be noted that Puerto Rico voted in 1993 and 1998 NOT to try for statehood. What they lose in representation, they gain by not having to pay federal income tax (and possibly other benefits, too, I’m not sure). So before you go grabbing Puerto Rico, make sure they want to be here.

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  76. keenan

    It’s so hard to believe that all of the whiney hippies would be so bitter about that stiff, horsefaced communist, Frankenkerry, getting his ass tossed back into the useless liberal shitpile by the majority of this country.
    “when unemployed Midwestern assholes decide…”
    The only two education groups who voted for Kerry are those who have no schooling, and those who seemingly can’t get enough of it (“No High School” and “Post Grad Study”). All others (high school grads, some-collegers, and college grads) voted for Bush. Of course, as a corollary, the people who put their post-grad study to use, and got high-paying jobs, voted for Bush more thoroughly than anyone else.
    So whine away, demmies. Every time I walk out my building in downtown Manhattan, I will revel in your misery. And I rejoice in the fact that slacking losers, who have nothing better to do with their time than complain about issues of which they are entirely ignorant (and apparently suck cock and get knocked up), will have no control over our fine country.

    Reply
  77. tbruns

    “Ohio deserves the poverty that is only going to grow in the next four years.” How hateful can you be. If this sentiment, this mean streak, runs through your promised land than thank you but no. It is more improtant than ever to try to work the system to unite the country, a simple-minded president is something that can be worked around and with people like Barac O’bama and others working diligently to make the country strong again and to fight against an overwhelming majority gives me reason to believe. Coastopia is a fallacy, a pipe dream. The reality is that this country needs a united front among the populace now more than ever.

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  78. kp

    db wrote:
    “as long you democrats continue to look down your snooty noses at the rest of america, you will continue to lose ground in the USA. ”
    THANK YOU for pointing out the rampant elitism and snoberry on this site!
    Maybe instead of whining, you all should get to know your country. Ever consider that we have allies in every state in this country who can be partners in helping us create change? You are a bunch of quitters (and quite offensive in your generalizations and name-calling).

    Reply
  79. Brett D

    Yaaaaaaaaayyyy! Four More Years of Compassionate Conservative moral values: Greed, Intolerance, Xenophobia, Fear, Bigotry!
    I would emplore you to consider including Fairfax County, VA in your new collective, but I fear it’s the pin holding the rest of my manure-infested backwater state up on the map. If you pull it out, the rest of the “Old Dumb Minion” might slide down and smother Chapel Hill.
    Probably easier if I just move to Maryland ;)

    Reply
  80. ho ho

    Just remember what the happened last time states tried to secede. We’ll stomp you out. But not before you’re up in flames like Atlanta.

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  81. Diana

    I’ll start the proceedings for Saxapahaw to secede from Alamance County and officially become a western burb of Chapel Hill (which we are unofficially). American Coastopia! How delightful.

    Reply
  82. C.A.

    Thanks for including New Orleans. Though we’ve been a seperate third world country for as long as I can remember.

    Reply
  83. Lisa

    Great idea – I am moving to Coastopia next month after wearily working to get out the vote in Florida. So sad.
    When they reinstate the draft, it should start with those in the red states. I wonder if any friends of W’s daughters will go?
    And when abortion is illegal in America, will the wealthy with unwanted pregancies be welcome in to travel to Coastopia for help? What will happen to the poor American women?
    And when there are no decent paying jobs in America, how will Coastopia handle the steady flow of immigrants – an exit interview on why they voted against their economic interests? A quick lesson on macroeconomics to be sure they don’t vote against their interests in Coastopia?

    Reply
  84. nan

    thank you soooo much for this!
    all day i’ve been thinking in terms of denying my citizenship as this is no longer a country that i am a part of. now i can forget that and be a citizen of coastopia.

    Reply
  85. Lincoln Baugus

    About all I can say is “Here Here! and Thank God I’m in Durham, (and that they’re going to move Duke the hell out of here. Although I do have some medical issues so can we keep the hospital?

    Reply
  86. Laura Hamblin

    Terrific! Can we include Moab Utah and Sundance (so we can ski and make/watch good movies too)? And our children can learn 3-4 languages in elementary school!–Laura in Utah

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  87. Geoff

    Can Northern Virginia be added to Coastopia? We tried hard as hell over here to get Kerry elected, believe me. Plus we have the Potomac leading right into the Chesapeake.

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  88. Ian

    Wow, Northern Virginia has lobbied well. Consider it IN! But only Fairfax County and like-minded neighbors. No Manassas or Fredericksburg or anything.

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  89. M

    There are two Americas today – Coastopia, and the rest of the country. There is a serious divide between the beliefs and interests of these sets of America, and there is no way to reconcile them. So why not decide to go our separate ways? The thing that holds a nation together is a common culture, and we find a nation today where people cannot understand each other, so the time has come for us to part.
    It’s better that way. Enough of this bickering, it’s ineffective. And enough of the people who are saying, “let’s move to Denmark!” This nation was something truly great, and I’m not going to give up on it. I’m proud to be American – not the America of today, but the real America, which is what I believe is the America of Coastopia.

    Reply
  90. angela

    might i suggest adding ann arbor, michigan? and charlottesville? i live in charlottesville (where kerry carried–or kerried), my husband lives in ann arbor, and i’d like to sleep tonight. for a change.

    Reply
  91. Norom Retah

    Dear Dimwits,
    Although I know most of you have brains and are just screwin’ around with this idea, some of you are actually still upset that “your country” is “going down the tubes”.
    These concepts are for you:
    Not enough DEMOCRATS liked Kerry to get him into office.
    Note enough SWING VOTERS liked Kerry to get him office.
    Stop being devisive morons and thinking you, the minority, has not been heard. The electoral process showed that you were. You did not win. Your side “lost” for four years.
    Stop bitching about, get a job, educate someone this weekend as to why the current ELECTED president ELECTED by the MAJORITY of people in the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD is not the best guy for the job.
    This will make sure that next time around it might happen that YOUR GUY GETS ELECTED.
    Again: stop whining you bunch of cowards. Your whining did nothing for Kerry. Its not going to do anything now either except make you mad.
    SO SHUT UP.

    Reply
  92. Ian

    Norom- we’re not whining, we’re leaving.
    Angela – there will be airlifts into both Ann Arbor and Charlottesville, don’t worry.

    Reply
  93. Timothy Pryor

    Yeah, thats absurd as well and offensive none-the-less. It is ridiculous to hear the arrogance of these, “city folk,” and assuming that all people that consider themselves to be conservatives are oklahoma rednecks. The city of Denver (of which I currently reside) went for Bush and that is a large modern city, with a newer face than that of the big apple. These are supposed to be the people of diversity and acceptance I thought; the people that take a strong stance against prejudice; yet they waste no time generalizing a population of people that happens to disagree with their ideology. Just because the states on the electoral map were blue does not mean that they are far and large democratic states. Open up the county by county map for New York (http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2004/pages/results/states/NY/P/00/index.html), and you’ll find that the state was for for the most part red. But when you have a large population confined to a space like NYC, it is inevitable that there will be somewhat of a consistent train of thought. A consistent train of thought does not automatically justify its viability. This is the same all over the country. Open up any county by county map in the country, including California, but with the obvious exception of Massachusettes (hows that for Coastopia?) you’ll find the same thing. This is yet another example of ignorant, disgruntled people that can’t accept the outcome of the election. We had to live under Clinton and his shenanigans for two terms, now we just have to wait for the democrats to put up Hillary in ’08. But judging by the looks of their party right now, she won’t stand a chance.
    One more point, these “coastal” people are a culture obsessed with European fashion, obsessed with European art, obsessed with European automobiles, obsessed with European foods, and obsessed with European culture. Yet they are trying to say the rest of the country needs a lesson in being American?

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  94. Liberal Christian

    Well, well. Republicans in here? I’m surprised at you! So much complaining! I thought you would be so happy that we’re leaving and you can create your own country without any resistance at all.
    I mean, we’re happy! So get happy, Red States! You’ll have quite a bit of the country all to yourselves pretty soon. Why so glum?

    Reply
  95. cindi

    i have sent this link to all my fellow democrats here in utah – may we join you?
    thank you for a good laugh in such a strange time.

    Reply
  96. norom-monger

    It’s ‘divisive’ you idiot — the word you meant to use; it’s spelled ‘D-I-V-I-S-I-V-E’. Decisively, I’m sure.

    Reply
  97. Norom Retah

    Liberal Christian,
    Here is the reason why you are a problem:
    I AM A DEMOCRAT!
    However, since I have a brain and look at the facts and understand that I have a civic duty to DO MY CIVIC DUTY then I accept that the person that was VOTED BY A CLEAR MAJORITY OF PEOPLE now has the job.
    That is it.
    No more complaining.
    No more whining.
    If you want to make jokes about how the rest of country doesn’t think like you, then perhaps you are in the wrong country. If this concept is contrary to your state of mind, then you have to begin thinking once again like an American:
    You are a part of the system, which is not perfect. DEAL WITH IT. Change it. Just stop complaining about it like a child whose toy was just given to her relatives kid the same age as you.
    Stop WHINING.

    Reply
  98. Norom Retah

    Ohhhhh, big man, you caught a typo and you decided to point it out to me!
    Thanks, buddy. You done good, today.
    It’s ‘divisive’ you idiot — the word you meant to use; it’s spelled ‘D-I-V-I-S-I-V-E’. Decisively, I’m sure.
    Posted by: norom-monger at November 4, 2004 02:48 PM

    Reply
  99. Jason

    Thank you “O WISE AND CONCERNED ONES”. Let San Francisco happily join in this exodus (I think it already has….many years ago), and in joining COASTOPIA.
    There were 1,000 protesters at 5th and Market Street yesterday at 5pm blocking rush hour traffic and chanting “Fuck Bush and all of his policies”. Some call this divisive. I call it heart-warming and beautiful.
    We’ve discussed a million person march from SF to Canada (or Mexico- whichever is closer). Perhaps dueling marches. 1,000,000 leaving in both directions at the same time. why not? Let’s organize….

    Reply
  100. Janet Williams

    You should not forget Santa Fe, NM. Santa Fe county is very very blue and wants to secede with you. We’ve got great culture, weather and environs!

    Reply
  101. KaneHau

    you forgot to include Hawai’i in your new country… we are a blue state and pretty much everyone here voted Kerry.
    The Hawaiians most certainly want their own country – as they were dissed by the illegal overthrow of their soverign nation in the late 1800’s – by who else? the (*@&#$(*& US of A(holes).
    Please… bring us along too (or maybe you could put your new capitol conviently offshore on one of our beautiful islands).
    ALOHA!
    PS… for those of you who need some tranquility right about now… try http://www.TQworld.com

    Reply
  102. Tim

    Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out Jason, just so long as you realize that the state of California still belongs to the U.S. of A.

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  103. Get The Fuck Out

    Nice post, Timothy Pryor. It amazes me how closed-minded and stereotypical these “cultural intellects” really are. Good riddance.

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  104. TIm

    Actually KaneHau, 45% of the people didn’t vote for Kerry there… ;)… but whose counting and paying attention to facts when… after all you’re a liberal you don’t have to…

    Reply
  105. Lisa

    PLEASE add Michigan to Coastopia!!! Michigan was a blue state! I am bi-coastal with houses in both L.A. and Detroit and I couldn’t bear not having Michigan included in the master plan!!! We were blue…please add us!!!!!

    Reply
  106. KaneHau

    Actually tim… those 45% are not hawaiians… or even kama’aina… they are stupid american haoles – more of the same breed of lieing murding assholes who overthrew the soverign nation to begin with.
    But i guess that fine… when you back a lieing murderer for pRESIDENT – enjoy your fucked up country.
    I thank Pele I’m 2,500 miles from land in all directions ESPECIALLY when looking east.
    No aloha for you or your ilk

    Reply
  107. Tim

    By your igorant standards, the 55% that did vote for Kerry aren’t American then? hahaha… That’s one of the obvious fallicies in your post. The rest is your tired, old, regurgitated, absolutely false lines pulled out of Michael Moore propaghanda. Try forming an opinion of your own and try to stray from the molding of liberal lunatics.
    Ian, if you really want to leave us alone, move to France. Proposing to strip areas of our country is not necessarily leaving us alone. Calling us knuckle-dragging Wyomings is not leaving us alone. Moving to France, now thats leaving us alone, and largely encouraged.;)

    Reply
  108. Sam Haskins

    Cool. Now the rest of us can get something done. It would be in everyone’s best interest to build twenty foot walls around Coastopia to orevent any leakage into the rest of America.In addition,I would propose , that we enter into a trade agreement with Coastopia. You could sell us wine, software, and apples . We can sell you straight jackets.

    Reply
  109. red dirt liberal?!?!

    Ian, you really can’t say that rednecks in Oklahoma decided the the election…we only have 7 electoral votes (Wyoming has less).
    Yes, the majority of people here are ultra-conservative republicans blinded by the WWJD (what would Jesus do?)frame of mind, BUT there are a few educated, liberal, artistic, creative, hilarious and fun-loving people here as well.
    It pisses me off when “like-minded” indivuals give Oklahoma a bad rap. In fact, the people who are born and raised in a “Bush-state-of-mind” who are lucky enough to rise from all the rubbish should be applauded!
    It’s a tough red-dirt road to walk…’round these parts bein’ liberal is like bein’ a devil-worshiping homosexual…and that’s bad! Few us walk tall and proud!

    Reply
  110. aloha96817

    i’m with KaneHau-please include hawaii in coastopia. we tried. pls. print new edition t-shirt that includes us. are coastopia residents subject to draft? i’m already researching draft extradition countries because my 18 yr old will NOT be drafted. these are dark days. but at least i will get to watch chapel hill baskball!!! mahalo for that! they’ll be on maui in about 2 wks.
    imua coastopia. who needs the rest of it!

    Reply
  111. Tim

    No, wanting out is not the same as a proposal to strip states from the union. You want coastopia? Find a remote island not belonging to the USA. Until then, shut up and accept the results of democracy.

    Reply
  112. KaneHau

    Nan wrote…
    ***why is it that on this site the most angry people are the republicans? they should be THRILLED that we want out.***
    Because then they would have nobody to hate. They have to have someone to hate… be it gays, or liberals, or educated people, or scientists.
    Same goes for war… cold war is over so let’s pick a country to hate regardless of the fact that they did nothing to us (that’s right people, even BUSH admited that 9/11 had nothing to do with Iraq).
    Fed up with bigots. Fed up with people with their imaginary friends (e.g., My god is better than your god). Fuck… I’ve got a 6 foot invisible rabbit named Harvey that would beat any of the so called ‘christian’ god(s).
    So yes… let the lieing bigots have their little country – but without all the things they like to bitch about. We will all be much happier.

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  113. elizabeth

    why is tim (and the other conservatives here) so angry and mean? i thought conservatives were ‘compassionate’. lol.

    Reply
  114. nan

    i don’t think tim’s getting it. in this post we are declaring a desire to officially secede from the union. that means staying put but refusing to follow the laws of the nation we secede from.
    for reference, see map.

    Reply
  115. DICK AND BUSH

    PLEASE TAKE US WITH YOU… WE REALLY WERE HOPING KERRY WOULD WIN, AND CLEAN UP THIS MESS FOR US. BESIDES, WE’VE ALREADY MADE ENOUGH MONEY FROM ALL THIS. W AND I ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEPLACE EXOTIC TO RETIRE TO IN THE NEXT 4 YEARS AND COASTOPIA SURE SOUNDS NICE.
    WE PROMISE TO WORK HARD AND BE HUMBLE.

    Reply
  116. DICK AND BUSH

    PLEASE TAKE US WITH YOU… WE REALLY WERE HOPING KERRY WOULD WIN, AND CLEAN UP THIS MESS FOR US. BESIDES, WE’VE ALREADY MADE ENOUGH MONEY FROM ALL THIS. W AND I ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEPLACE EXOTIC TO RETIRE TO IN THE NEXT 4 YEARS AND COASTOPIA SURE SOUNDS NICE.
    WE PROMISE TO WORK HARD AND BE HUMBLE.

    Reply
  117. Gordon Shumway

    Why don’t you just move to Canada you stupid fuckers. WE won and WE will rule this country as we please you stupid pieces of shit.

    Reply
  118. The Geek

    Thank God our forefathers were stronger souls than the lot of you. That being said, I encourage you to follow your dream, with one catch.
    Get the fuck off of our soil. You can’t have it, and you’ll die trying to keep it.
    God Bless America!!!

    Reply
  119. not Canadian

    You just have to have the last word don’t you.
    Let’s play ‘Red’Rover instead; Gordon (not Lightfoot) Shumway, moron/norom, the likely tiny Tim, anybody else who I missed, and GTFOut are all on the red team and Ian’s mom will captain the lot of us here on the Fuck You Blue Crew. Or let’s have field day. We’ll share our snacks and you guys can charge admission.
    This BlogCommentaThon is longer than the Happy Days dance marathon. The Fonz will not fall….

    Reply
  120. Ally

    Lisa, Slappy – Michigan was only a blue state because of the amount of voters in Wayne county, and the exception of eight other counties.
    I think I’ll immigrate to Coastopia via the airlift to Ann Arbor. I live in Chippewa County, and I think they’re passing motions for Liberals to be included as game in deer season. ;)

    Reply
  121. Tom

    No, we definitely want the great lakes, the largest freshwater resevoir in the world. I’d like to suggest a motion that we draft Michigan and Wisconsin.
    Hail, Hail Coastopia! Land of the Brave and Blue!

    Reply
  122. Steven Addy

    Include Michigan too. The people are cool and we’ll need the fresh water.
    ps Enjoying diversity does not mean you have to accept stupidity.

    Reply
  123. Moira

    Oh, how delighted was I to see that, as Chicagoans, my husband and daughter and I and everyone we love are already part of American Coastopia. I’ve already ordered the t-shirt…
    Let me tell you,the one bright spot in the TV coverage of Election Day was seeing our lone li’l blue state in the middle of the country. And hey — how about Barack Obama for American Coastopia president?

    Reply
  124. Bud

    The real beauty of Coastopia is that we Coastopians are everywhere.
    We make up about 48% of current US Americans, in fact.
    Because you don’t have to live in Coastopia to BE a Coastopian.
    We’re Everywhere.
    Each one of us is a Cool Blue patch in this angry sea of Red.
    My whole neighborhood is Blue. In fact, even in this Red town, in this Red state, lots of neighborhoods are Blue, and there are plenty of us Blue Coastopians even in the Red neighborhoods.
    44% of North Carolinians are Coastopian!
    Why, even Texas is 38% Coastopian (howdy, fellers!).
    We’re all over the place, and we’re not going anywhere.
    We’re everywhere, and although we’re disappointed in the way things turned out this time around, we’re going to stay put and keep working.
    We’ll work to expand Coastopia day by day. We’ll demonstrate that justice, kindness, generosity and tolerance–not Force–are the roots of a strong society.
    When those Red folks see the light, they’ll be welcome, too.
    Long Live Coastopia!

    Reply
  125. True Blue

    COASTOPIA IS MY ONLY HOPE. I thank you sooo incredibly much for organizing this land of the free. You have truely made my life.

    Reply
  126. Rich Taylor

    Democracy schmocracy … do you think the original American Revolutionaries took a vote and said “Gee, if we lose this vote we really shouldn’t secede from this oppressive monarchical regime”? Nope … they got off their asses and said “We’re outta here.”
    Count me in, Coastopia. Home sweet home. And we’ll have such nice neighbors with Canada and the United States of Europe … it will be refreshing to have civilized conversation as we make sure everyone has health care, a warm safe place to sleep, and a reasonable chance of getting paid a living wage for a productive job.

    Reply
  127. Luke

    Okay, ha, yes, this is a funny concept and helps us disappointed voters all smirk for a moment – Lord knows we could use it. Unfortunately, most of the original manifesto contains clues to the widening phenomenon of the Dem’s failure, and plays perfectly into the stereotype of Democrats as elitists, as some here have pointed out. Though he was clearly a better man for the job in almost every way, Kerry is an ineffective politician who failed to connect in a visceral, emotional way with swing voters and the average joe. We can complain about it and play our narrowing part as The Losers Who Took The High Road, or we can wake up, get smart, learn from it, and motivate.
    The most relevant and astute posting here remains the one from db: “as long you democrats continue to look down your snooty noses at the rest of america, you will continue to lose ground in the USA. best of luck with USofC and enjoy your latte.” F___in’ A, Bubba! You hear that, Democrats and Progressives? You may be the better party for the working class, for minorities, for probably the greatest good for the greatest number of Americans, but these Americans won’t know it if you can’t connect with them.
    Yes, this is a humor site, but the text and many postings on this site of ‘progressive humor’ exhibit damning clues as to why we’re in this mess, and why we’ll now be in it for another four years.

    Reply
  128. George

    The idea of several states banding together and quitting the United States because they do not like the outcome of a presidential election is not new. It was tried once before — in 1860. The people who seceded then felt every bit as righteous in their cause, superior in their intellect, and contemptuous of their opponents as the folks posting on this board. They made the made the same haughty renunciations of the United States. Like today’s would-be secessionists, they even claimed to have supporters in Europe. In they end, their rashness led to the bloodiest war in the history of the Western Hemisphere, with roughly 1 million Americans killed.

    Reply
  129. mstern18

    thanks for the post. I already live here in New Jersey and am now a citizen of American Coastopia….maybe we could become part of the E.U. somehow…even though we’re not in Europe.

    Reply
  130. utaustintx

    Hey, I hear the world community is ready to give recognition to Coastopia, and it will then replace Old America at the UN (the Red states didn’t want to be there anyway).
    Folks are happy in Coastopia, so of course Republican posters try to make them miserable. They picked Red King George, and now they hate themselves.

    Reply
  131. utaustintx

    Luke says, “The most relevant and astute posting here remains the one from db: “as long you democrats continue to look down your snooty noses at the rest of america, you will continue to lose ground in the USA.
    Yes, I can see that db wants Democrats to be more politically correct. OTOH, Coastopians don’t do Bush pep rallies.

    Reply
  132. Kendall

    Ive been dreaming up a place like this alot in the last few days, and someone really had a good idea! Im smiling for the future which I didin’t think I would be doing in awhile. Long live Coastopia! It is, in every way, a beautiful place!

    Reply
  133. jif

    mein gott! this has gotten ugly… but really, just sad. the intolerance of the red-oriented commentors on this site is tantamount really to one thing: fear. although i love A.C and would proudly be a citizen, i think the key to keeping our united states united, would be a world wide exchange program. send kids from oklahoma to new york city, kids from door county, wi to miami, people from seattle to birmingham, alabama. and once we all grow a little more tolerant* of each other, we send everyone out to another country. we send christians to mosques, muslims to temple, buddhists.. well, nevermind. they’re fine the way they are. we send americans to the middle east, belgians to congo, russians to chechnya, israelis to ramullah.
    as James Peacock, UNC anthropology professor extraordinaire used to say.. people don’t realize it but anthropology is going to save the world. once you understand another, fear subsides.
    *tolerant does not include acceptance of descrimination based on religion, race, sexual preference, et al.

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  134. ALF

    Yes, I agree with Luke. The conservatives aren’t the only ones getting nasty here.
    To conservatives: Not every Dem is so rigid or culturally hip and wants to secede. I’m a liberal and I want to hear what you’re thinking. BUT nor do I want to tolerate ignorance and hatred toward any group, particularly if you have not walked in their shoes. Gays didn’t “choose” their lifestyle; if they did, then Dick Cheney’s daughter wouldnta been gay – and that’s why Kerry brought that up. I’m willing to listen to your arguments if you’re willing to listen to ours.
    If we are against hatred and prejudice, it has to work both ways. I will NOT tolerate gay-bashing, and I will not tolerate Oklahoma-bashing, either. I will tolerate, say, people who are loving and open-minded and are willing to continue a dialogue.
    And I don’t want the thinkers and funny people to leave America. Please stay a while and keep making this country great.
    Clinton got elected somehow, remember?

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  135. One more

    Some of these comments are starting to sound like, “Hey, you Fucking conservatives, stop fucking being so fucking nasty.” It goes both ways. Play nice.

    Reply
  136. koke

    What we’re really beginning to see is that a fairly large percentage of Democrats are unable to acknowledge that their agenda is out of touch with the majority of Americans. They continue to parrot old tired platitudes and lies that have gotten them to the position they are in now. This truly was a resounding defeat. And, when considering the huge waste of time on such nonsense as “American Coastopia”, they still don’t have a clue.
    The results are clear. Democrats/Liberals do not connect with the mainstream of America. The real shocking thing is that they actually think they ARE the mainstream of America. Until they learn that lesson we will see more erosion of their base. Until they find a credible leader with a credible platform and vision to campaign from, that will be good news for the Republicans as well as the country.

    Reply
  137. ALF

    Koke, there are lies on both sides. “mainstream america” has a fair amount of prejudice and fear and has not come up with a plan to protect ourselves from terrorism, nor to help those who truly need the help (which is SUPPOSED to be the true Christian ideal. people who are suffering, often the homeless and mentally ill, need help, not excuses and your platitudes about how they deserve it.)
    Some of us liberals DO want to understand where you’re coming from, but ignorance from either side makes me fed up, and it’s the ignorance and hate caused by some of your friends that pushed a few of my fellow Dems to the edge.

    Reply
  138. Sam

    Hi there! So, I was thinking, can Austin, Texas join, too? You see, we are the crazy liberal hold out of Texas. You know how when you go to another country and tell the people there you’re American, they kind of judge you even though you may be a really cool person? That’s the way it is with Texas and going to other states. Austin is this cool, crazy, liberal, artsy town that gets lumped in with the rest of Texas, when frankly, it isn’t like the rest at all.
    I mean, Tom DeLay and the rest of the crazy conservatives would have to vacate the capitol, but really, it sucks to be them. It was they who gerrymandered the congressional districts so that Austin was divided into three different districts that each combined with a larger, conservative district so that Austin’s liberal politcal scene and representation in the national and state congress was virtually destroyed. Drawing the lines where people live, my ass.

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  139. Anna

    Thank God for American Coastopia. Thanks God I am not face to face with the idiot repeating the “out of touch with mainstream America” crap.

    Reply
  140. Mark McNease

    Yes, one day of despair was enough. I do hope there’s no god in Coastopia, although anyone who wants to imagine one will be free to do so as always. I’m in (and hey, I already live in Queens). Saw the Towers fall, then saw concrete barriers at the Six Flags St. Louis, like who the hell is going to blow them up? They get off on thinking Osama’s coming after them in Natchez. He can have them.

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  141. koke

    Alf – Thanks for the response and appreciate your points. I agree there are lies on both sides of the spectrum. The political environment is rife with the speculative suggestions of manipulating predators who make the ignorant their prey.
    I happen to believe that in 2004 this has been far more prevalent on the Liberal/Democrat side of the equation and I would expect that any level-headed reasonably educated person can see this.
    You made some statements in your post. Specifically about terrorism and the needy.
    Terrorism
    ———
    I don’t understand how you can say there is no plan to “protect ourselves from terrorism”. The fact’s render that statement false.
    Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Patriot Act, Homeland Security, International Law Enforcement cooperation in Intelligence gathering/sharing, Political Pressure, Financial seizure, etc..
    The terrorism we see today is the product of decades of neglect, abuse and disregard of millions of people in the Mid-East – by both the U.S. and the rest of the World. The catalyst was religious fanaticism.
    What took years to create will take years to destroy. My guess is at least 1 or 2 generations.
    Domestic security will hopefully obstruct most contemplated attacks here but I don’t believe there can be total security regardless who is in the White House.
    There is NO QUICK FIX. Dreams won’t help.
    The fact is that the Kerry Plan was/is the Bush Plan with some minor changes to some minor details…and a huge dose of hype.
    The Needy
    ———
    This may sound callous, but it is nothing new and it is certainly something that The Democrats have harped on since the beginning of time but never solved in any of their 40 years in the White House since FDR.
    This a social issue that is secondary to life everywhere, worldwide. It is also a political topic that really only becomes “publicly obvious” every 4 years. Why is that? Simple – Votes. How insincere! How true!
    Nonetheless, it is a fact of life. How much have you traveled? Been to Africa? Middle-East? South America? India?
    To anyone living in Liberal Utopia, I would suggest they travel outside of any Western Society and learn about life in the real world.
    These Western Societies have prospered and they have also thrown billions of dollars at poverty worldwide. But, the poverty continues.
    What’s the solution? More billions? Education? Freedom? Liberty?
    Here in the U.S., we’ve also thrown billions at the problem but it’s still there! What’s the solution? (By the way, just to put things in perspective, those living in poverty in any of the countries listed above would jump at the opportunity to “live in poverty” in the U.S.)
    In summary, give the poor & needy the opportunity to be educated and employed. If they’re mentally or physically incapable of education and/or employment, we should take care of them.
    (Side Note: NYC/Giuliani started a program for the homeless in the 90’s. They went out and picked up the homeless and gave them shelter and opportunity for public employment. Many benefited from the program but some preferred to live on the street. His administration then did psychological evaluations on them. Those that were found mentally competent were allowed to return to their “homelessness”. Those that weren’t were institutionalized until the ACLU got many of them back on the street. How’s that for compassion?)
    Pleased to carry on the discussion.
    Have a good one.
    /koke

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  142. pamela

    This blog sure has taken a turn for the terrifying. Ian, thanks for giving us hope. Durham wants in. We’ll bring the beer.
    Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so.
    How do I know? For this is what I have done. And I am Caesar.
    – Julius Caesar

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  143. Rebecca in Charlotte

    Coastopia here I come!
    I was considering filing for political asylum in France, but this is much better. I would like a country where debate is welcome and respect for others’ opinions if taken for granted. Now we just find ourselves studying our reflection in the mirror and wonder “why are we moraly inferior?” Because we are open-minded? tolerant?
    Please!

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  144. Karinne Comenzo

    my 22nd birthday was november 2, 2004. election day. i asked for one thing for my birthday. to not be a party to another 4 years of dubya. to be a party to freedom, equality, and the *real* american way. i can’t find that now in the good old U S of A. i CAN find it in american coastopia…
    allow me my birthday wish… and welcome to AMERICAN COASTOPIA.

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  145. Paul

    I’am from Georgia. Decatur, GA to be exact. I know that we have Zell from hell and a bunch of other boot lickers of his ilk but please let us in to Coastopia. We don’t want to be left alone with the nuckle draggers, bible belt crazies and Nazies. By the way, some German friends of ours say Bush is doing many of the same things that Hitler did. My greatest worry is that I may not live long enought to see all this horrow reversed. On the positive side I can’t help but feel fortunite to be part of a group that loves and cares. May peace be with you every day.
    Paul

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  146. Annie

    The consensus among the conservative commenters here seems to be “Dissenting, critical commentary = Whining.”
    Somehow, Rush Limbaugh springs to mind. Bill O’Reilly. Ann, um, COULter, kind of just LEAPS to the forefront of my thoughts rights now.

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  147. Laugher

    I have no problem with dissent or commentary, but ignorance is just pathetic. You do realize that California adopted a constitutional ban on same sex marriage, don’t you? Long before the current wave. Your precious Western Coastopia is not much different than the knuckle-dragging heartland you hold in such comfortable contempt.

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  148. Winter Soldier

    Let me sum it up for everyone (and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.) This is all about “legislating lifestyle.”
    Both sides can stereotype each other and complain all they want (as this blog demonstrates). I understand perfectly why mostly white “Christians” are feeling overwhelmed by the secular society and everyone else, having been “top dog” in this country since its’ inception.
    But guess what, conservatives: there are no LAWS forcing you to watch the “liberal” media on TV, own a computer with the Internet and all its’ “evil” shenanigans like this blog, go to those movies made by Hollywood “liberals,” and invite gay and minority folks over to your house for dinner.
    Yet that is exactly what Christian conservatives want to do. They want to enact their morality into LAW and force it down everyone else’s throat.
    And that’s the difference, good bloggers. It’s about LAWS, stupid!

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  149. Annie

    It wasn’t Coastopians–who, in case you haven’t realized it yet, are not literally people residing in coastal states, but people who view the (regrettably) current administration as mistaken and wrong–who voted to ban same-sex marriage.
    You DO know that, don’t you?
    …don’t you?

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  150. Brett D

    There are only two possible explanations for the outcome of this election:
    1. The REAL majority really did speak, and that majority REALLY is as conservative as this snapshot indicates.
    Or
    2. The liberal establishment just plain failed to mobilize every vote that it could.
    Obviously, the outcome is likely a result of a mixture of both; but as a self-proclaimed progressive, I want desperately to believe the latter, because if the former is true, this does not bode well for the future of our great democracy.
    No matter how you spin it, discriminatory, homophobic paranoia is antithetical to the concept of equality. Exclusionary, evangelical demagoguery is immoral in a pluralistic society. Unrestrained, voracious consumerism fueled by exploitive Third World labor is immoral. Putting profit before the protection of our environment is immoral. Mortgaging our children

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  151. Norom Retah

    Annie –
    your quote: “The consensus among the conservative commenters here seems to be “Dissenting, critical commentary = Whining.”
    Actually, a lot of this thread includes hateful, judgmental, bigoted comments about people that are different than Liberal Democrats, i.e. “Republicans”, “Red-Sates”, “Conservatives”, “Kunckle Draggers”, etc.
    So, officially, it is not ‘dissenting, critical, commentary’. It is childish, insensitive and ignorant posturing.
    your other quote: “Somehow, Rush Limbaugh springs to mind. Bill O’Reilly. Ann, um, COULter, kind of just LEAPS to the forefront of my thoughts rights now.”
    Actually these 2 people have one vote each — just like you, although they can persuade other people to vote “their” way. Since they have their counterparts, Michael Moore, Stuart Smally, etc, this is really no argument.
    p.s. Michael Moore with his “documentary” that spelled out “the truth” could not even persuade people to change their vote.
    /Norom

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  152. KC

    Please reconsider the bumper sticker issue … I’d put it right next to my Kerry/Edwards sticker, which isn’t coming off any time soon.

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  153. Colleen

    Oh thankfully I reside in Coastopia (RI)! I still feel sick from the outcome of this election, and I am trying my best to cope with the mourning process we all share in the face of an administration that has lied to the american people repeatedly. Let’s review the fantastic record of GWB: A failed mission to capture the real source of 9/11, A rising death toll of US Servicemen/Women in Iraq,Haliburton favortism,Destroyed diplomatic relations throughout the world,Rising national debt, Enviromental destruction,No child left behind(yeah right),National health plan(none yet),No equal rights for the gays(sounds like outright descrimination to me),Possible cuts of pensions for Active duty & Retired Armed forces(can’t see why anyone would not want to enlist! hmmm),Homeland security(except the woman I saw with huge knitting needles on a South West flight), Outsourced jobs(call your local cable company, talk to INDIA). So to all of you who voted for another four years of all of the above mentioned success, I suggest you all sit in a circle with GWB, and read My Pet Goat, while we all watch our country go down the toilet.The story went over well with the kids in a Florida Classroom, while the President let our country come under seige.

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  154. Jennifer

    “Why don’t you just move to Canada you stupid fuckers. WE won and WE will rule this country as we please you stupid pieces of shit.”
    Posted by: Gordon Shumway at November 4, 2004 05:32 PM
    Thank you Gordon for your insightful rhetoric. I have a better idea. Why don’t you just go to sean hannity’s website and blog away there? This post is not the place to spread your hatred, but as the ambassador for hate, I believe Sean would welcome your comments.
    On a lighter note, I live in Kansas and am Catholic. I’m currently drowning in this sea of red. If it weren’t for my family, I’d be outta here. As it is, I will continue to toil away and shape young minds to listen to BOTH sides of argument before making up their mind.
    Call it “La Resistance” except I’m not in France during WWII and the christian coalition isn’t the nazi’s….or are they?
    I’m building a summer home in coastopia.

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  155. Carol

    Help! I’m trapped in the middle of the non-Coastopia hell! I feel like I’m being oppressed! I think your great nation needs some Rocky Mountains in it – how about adding the metro areas of Denver-Boulder. I’m mortifed we went for Shrub, but can we at least get some credit for elected two democratic hispanic brothers to the senate and congress?????

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  156. French support

    All coastopian are welcome in Eeurope! France, Germany, and many others. Please skip italy and its fascit Berlusconi leader who said it was great to have Bush for President for 4 extra years.

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  157. Colleen

    Gordon Shumway.
    I have arranged for your non-stop,
    oneway trip to ASSTOPIA, where all of you right
    wing, conservative, shrublovers belong. Complimentary beverages and exlax await your arrival…..

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  158. Norom Retah

    Dear Colleen:
    Please allow me to articulate your thoughts a little better:
    “Let’s review the fantastic record of GWB: A failed mission to capture the real source of 9/11”
    Um, if you bothered to read ALL the news, you might see that people in the mountainous regions of Afganistan and Pakistan really don’t like people coming in and screwing around. They don’t want to be involved in other people’s back yards and don’t want a war in their back yard.
    “A rising death toll of US Servicemen/Women in Iraq”
    Yes, this happens in war. Did you know there were 42,000 people killed on US highways last year?
    “Haliburton favortism”
    All politicians are corrupt. Live with it, accept it. Your guy, my guy, their guy. Politics is big business for all parties and don’t be naive to think anything less.
    “Destroyed diplomatic relations throughout the world”
    Where? Who? What? I mean, huh?!?
    What exactly does this mean? No one wants to trade with us anymore? Nobody in every third world and most first world countries don’t want to come here anymore?
    Face the facts: The newly gathered EU faced a huge political problem in front of the UN: They knew France and Russia were involved in shady arms and money deals in Iraq during the food for oil program. They decided to save face instead of telling the truth. Thus, “the world hates the US”.
    Whatever. They know they’re just saying it because we got our asses kicked once and now they feel like they have a leg to stand on.
    “Rising national debt”
    Yes, this concerns me in a very real way, but the debt is not entirely Bush’s fault. We’ll see in another year.
    “Enviromental destruction”
    Blame SUV owners. The population of V8s and V10s in this country that eat gas comes from both parties. That’s right: all members of political parties drive horrible cars and want cheap gas. How do you get cheap gas and not go overseas for it? YOU DRILL IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD!
    “No child left behind(yeah right)”
    Yes, not working too well. But its a format that still might work. I think its the wrong strategy, but I’m not president.
    “National health plan(none yet)”
    Paid for by whom? Not me thanks. I want to know that the money I pay to the government pays my health plan, not scum sucking parasites. Rule #1: never give out fish, only teach how to fish.
    “No equal rights for the gays(sounds like outright descrimination to me)”
    Is this about marriage? No one has bothered to make this a financial fight, so everyone just picks at the bones of the bible’s idea of right and wrong. Unfortunately, there is a lot of money tied into “marriage”. Remember, its not just a ceremonial love contract: it’s a legal contract.
    “Possible cuts of pensions for Active duty & Retired Armed forces(can’t see why anyone would not want to enlist! hmmm)”
    I don’t understand the rationale either, and won’t comment on it until I do.
    “Homeland security(except the woman I saw with huge knitting needles on a South West flight)”
    Say, how many bombings have you heard about in the last 3 years in the continental US? Hmmmm. NONE.
    “Outsourced jobs(call your local cable company, talk to INDIA)”
    Sorry to say this and burst your bubble, but Clinton started this. It is most certainly NOT his fault, but it began during his reign. America is about making money. We make more money if we can get the job done cheaper. That is why all your products are made in different countries. And you complain that jobs are going overseas? Lady, they were gone a looooong time ago. You just keep buying Made in China/Taiwan/Japan/Malaysia/Turkey/etc/etc/etc and keep complaining about something you are directly responsible for.
    “So to all of you who voted for another four years of all of the above mentioned success, I suggest you all sit in a circle with GWB, and read My Pet Goat, while we all watch our country go down the toilet”
    The country is NOT going down the toilet. You would be surprised to know that I am a small business owner, and 5 of my good friends are small business owners. Strangely, although the “country is going down the toilet”, our profits are up and most of us are hiring. Intesting, isn’t it?
    “The story went over well with the kids in a Florida Classroom, while the President let our country come under seige”
    Stop quoting Michael Moore and start thinking for yourself. You don’t move the move POTUS until you know what’s going on. He was safe at that moment. People were trying to kill him. If you are suggesting that it was his fault that we were attacked, you already know it was not. This story goes back decades and is the usual foreign policy gone bad. If you actually feel the need to blame someone, blame Clinton for not taking the guy out (although, on the other hand, you can’t blame him either).
    -Norom

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  159. Jess

    I don’t know what to say, because I just don’t understand how so many people in this country can be so ignorant and backward-thinking. It is disgusting and embarrassing because we had a chance to change for the better and some people did not take advantage of it.

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  160. Annie

    The following, from “Norom”‘s (perhaps just that first “eman” by itself suits him better) initial entry into the Comments section:
    “Dear Dimwits”
    “Stop being devisive [sic] morons”
    “stop whining you bunch of cowards”
    “SO SHUT UP.”
    Does this sound to anybody rather like the “childish, insensitive and ignorant posturing” which Norom condemns (ironically) as the bane of this site? Does it remind anybody of, say, Bill O’Reilly? Rush Limbaugh? Ann Coulter, perhaps?
    Not to mention Gordon Shumway, and ho-ho (the Confederate-flag-waver who threatened violence. Nice.)
    Incidentally, “Norom” missed my point–I don’t think I was making an argument about how many votes Rush Limbaugh has (and Rush, Bill, and Ann add up to 3 people/votes, not 2. Incidentally) Rather, I was pointing out that many conservative commenters in this section have equated liberal dissent and criticism with whining. I don’t see how they have explained that point specifically. What makes our expressions grief and outrage “whining,” and Bill O’Reilly’s red-faced screaming something else?
    Many posters on this site, even some of the conservative-leaning ones, have made arguments with points, in attempts to clarify their views. Honestly, I would welcome a conversation with a conservative who could help me understand what “moral values,” which is a nonspecific and redundant term, is actually supposed to mean. I would really like to know.
    Of course I’m enraged and sad, and I am sickened to the core that B**h will be responsible for several more thousands (hundreds of thousands?) of Iraqi AND American deaths before it’s all over. And if expressing that rage and grief to my friends all over this country is “whining,” well, I’ll fucking whine if I want to.

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  161. Carine

    To all Coastopians : if the hateful Bushericans won’t let you live on your own, please feel free to move to France where I’m from or to Greece where I live now. We’d be glad to exchange some of our stupid politicians for distressed former Americans.
    Or try and follow Bush’s morals : make lots of babies, their vote will make the difference one day.
    Please make sure YOUR opinion is known abroad : the world needs to know Americans are not all lunatics… By the way, any clue about Bush invading France to get our cheese ? (sorry, I meant to free the oppressed French people ruled by a cruel leader…..)So lucky, we haven’t got oil !!!!

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  162. citygod

    Dear Retah(d),
    Allow me to retort:
    >>”A rising death toll of US Servicemen/Women in Iraq”
    >Yes, this happens in war. Did you know there were 42,000 people killed on US highways last year?
    But the deaths in Iraq – over 1000 soldiers, perhaps 100,000 mostly civilian Iraqis, was entirely preventable.
    >>”Haliburton favortism”
    >All politicians are corrupt. Live with it, accept it. Your guy, my guy, their guy. Politics is big business for all parties and don’t be naive to think anything less.
    This is a cynical argument that only encourages more bad behavior. “They’re all corrupt, so let’s not worry about corruption.” It also misses the point – Halliburton’s ties with Cheney have reaped it billions for private security, which could be better spent on armor for real soldiers and their vehicles. How do you think $80,000 adventurers paid with our money makes our true servicemen and women feel??
    >>”Destroyed diplomatic relations throughout the world”
    >Where? Who? What? I mean, huh?!?
    What exactly does this mean? No one wants to trade with us anymore? Nobody in every third world and most first world countries don’t want to come here anymore?
    Face the facts: The newly gathered EU faced a huge political problem in front of the UN: They knew France and Russia were involved in shady arms and money deals in Iraq during the food for oil program. They decided to save face instead of telling the truth. Thus, “the world hates the US”.
    Whatever. They know they’re just saying it because we got our asses kicked once and now they feel like they have a leg to stand on.
    If you read the NEWS, you’ll see that many nations will be investing less in the US because of our arrogant unilateralism. The foreign nations and banks that service our national debt (another Bush problem, see below) may be more reluctant to extend more credit.
    American companies were also involved in arms (1980s) and oil deals (1990s), but privacy laws blacked out their names.
    Besides, it’s not just France and Russia, but Latin America, all the Arab countries, all of Asia, etc. While you talk governments, know that the people in those countries deeply opposed the war. Even those where the government that supported us (Spain, Italy, Great Britain).
    >>”Rising national debt”
    >Yes, this concerns me in a very real way, but the debt is not entirely Bush’s fault. We’ll see in another year.
    I think we can hold him responsible for, oh, $680 billion plus the amount of the other tax cuts…
    >>”Enviromental destruction”
    >Blame SUV owners. The population of V8s and V10s in this country that eat gas comes from both parties. That’s right: all members of political parties drive horrible cars and want cheap gas. How do you get cheap gas and not go overseas for it? YOU DRILL IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD!
    That’s silly – your solution purports to solve the cost of oil but doesn’t do anything about environmental destruction. Oil is only one small part of the problem. Healthy Forests Destruction Initiative. Failure to deal with Global Warming (electricity conservation, carbon tax). Arsenic, mercury, PCBs – he’s not doing a thing about it. Christie Whitman resigned from the EPA out of frustration.
    Well, I don’t wanna waste any more breath on this guy. Go Coastopia!

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  163. Mike

    If Al Jeezera posts the Red states I offer up Arizona for wipe out. These McCain worshipping, Bush loving, redneck, morons won’t change. We mobilized record numbers of democrats and they still raised the margin of victory for Bush/Cheney.
    I’m moving to Massachusetts (Capitol of Coastopia?) anyway. Until then, though, I will continue to fight against the neofascist radcons in the Whitehouse.

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  164. dcf

    And now, some words from our original sponsors:
    On the danger of “character” as the #1 issue:
    “I sincerely wish we could see our government so secured as to depend less on the character of the person in whose hands it is trusted. Bad men will sometimes get in and with such an immense patronage may make great progress in corrupting the public mind and principles. This is a subject with which wisdom and patriotism should be occupied.” –Thomas Jefferson to Moses
    Robinson, 1801.
    On why the separation of church from state is fundamental to good government:
    “The real friends of the Constitution in its federal form, if they wish it to be immortal, should be attentive, by amendments, to make it keep pace with the advance of the age in science and experience. Instead of this, the European governments have resisted reformation, until the people, seeing no other resource, undertake it themselves by force, their only weapon, and work it out through blood, desolation and long-continued anarchy.”
    –Thomas Jefferson to Robert J. Garnett, 1824.
    On why Jefferson would join Coastopia:
    “Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established, should not be changed for light and transient causes; and, accordingly, all experience [has] shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But, when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce [the people] under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security.” –Thomas Jefferson: Declaration of Independence, 1776. ME 1:29, Papers 1:429
    Long live COASTOPIA!! Thanks so much for the smile – and inspiration to keep fighting the good fight. : )
    Oh, and PLEASE can Alexandria, VA be included? 67% for Kerry, we’re very diverse, we ride the metro and recycle, have great bike paths, cool art studios, most of my neighborhood works for the EPA, we’ve got some great founding fathers heritage and a beautiful waterfront…please, please? Don’t leave us out!!

    Reply
  165. Melissa

    This has made it almost to the top.
    I just received this message from someone that I forwarded it to:
    I forwarded this on to a few former dem hill staffers, and one forwarded it to Hillary’s LD. She LOVED this! Do you know where this originated? That person might be able to meet with Hillary!!! (Clinton, that is)

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  166. Arashi

    Our “Founding Fathers” are rolling over in their graves right now. I don’t think they could possibly imagine what has happened to this once great country.
    Bush & Co. are anti-American to the core. They view the Constitution with disdain and We The People as slaves to the rich.
    I’m heartened by the fact that roughly 49% of us voted against Bush, but it’s distressing that even ONE person was anti-American enough to pull the lever for Bush much less 51%.

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  167. Bud

    President? We don’t need no stinking president.
    I suggest administering Coastopia as an anarcho-syndicalist commune. Each of us can take turns as a sort of executive officer of the week. All the decisions of that officer will have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting, by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs, but by a two-thirds majority in the case of major issues.
    Or we could just wait to see who the lady of the lake picks to be king.

    Reply
  168. CL

    >>>”Say, how many bombings have you heard about in the last 3 years in the continental US? Hmmmm. NONE.”
    And there were none from 1994-2000 while Clinton was in office, but after that, there was an attack that killed 3,000 people. Terrorists plan slowly and wait. I’d like to know what Bush is doing to protect our nuclear power plants and container ports, while our soldiers are overseas. Whatever it is, I hope it’s enough.
    I could care less whether W was reading “My Pet Goat”; I don’t know what anyone else would do in that situation except not scare the children and wait to figure out what to do next. But I do care that we not get attacked again. Let’s not get sidetracked from that issue.

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  169. LC

    Greetings from one of the most conservative states in the country, home of the old, white, evangelical bible-pushers that re-elected Dubya (Ohio). Too bad that with Dubya, Ohio will probably lose another 250,000 jobs. But hey, GOD WILL GET US THROUGH ANYTHING AS LONG AS YOU’RE A CHRISTIAN STRAIGHT HOMOPHOBIC REDNECK! Can I join you guys in Coastopia? I’ve always wanted to live in another country!

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  170. Rick

    As a Coastopian born and raised in Massachusetts, living in Oregon for the past 13 years I heartily endorse this idea. To sweeten the deal can we tow the whole thing off the coast of Spain and France with two beautiful bridges connecting us to Paris and Barcelona?
    My latte is getting cold – gotta run.

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  171. Randy

    I’m right there with you, as long as we can declare war on the United States as our first action.
    Also, by the way, we should take DC. Trust me, they don’t want Bush either.

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  172. The Double B

    Coastopia sounds great!
    Just moved from Ohio to Florida and I realize that I am in same fucking place, surrounded by the same fucking idiots. Big surprise.
    When we movin? I have a truck, plenty of experience, and my husband is an architect. We’re in.

    Reply
  173. Confederate Coastopian

    I fled the capitol of the Confederacy for the capitol of the world long ago. I’ve never seen NYC as part of hte “regular” US. Glad that I now know my nationality.
    I grew up with the notion of those tacky yankees who burned down our houses, and yet, New Yorkers are the friendliest folks I know. Where else do you get a million people per square mile, and without mass violence?
    I am glad that C’ville got in. My people are really from that region, and trust me, those mountain people can be a lot more open than you might think.
    Please don’t forget about Asheville, NC – Santa Cruz with banjos – as I’ve heard it called.
    And I should point out that Richmond, VA – my birthplace, went overwhelmingly for Kerry. The Fan neighborhood there definately feels like Coastopia. Maybe we can just take the 95 corridor and require everyone to drive electric vehicles through Costopia’s section.
    And try not to be mad at all those rednecks. There are many of us who overcame the church’s brainwashing, but still enjoy a little hard outdoor labor now and again – producing the telling discoloration of the space between head and shoulders.
    Besides, don’t you want blues and cornbread in Coastopia. I really don’t think it would be the same without it.

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  174. Amanda

    Thank you God! I’ve been waiting for this day forever. It pisses me off that it takes me five hours to get from one important side of this country to the other. I’ve been dying to do away with flyover land for a long time now. Woohoo! LA to NY in one hour flat! Now that is something that I can truly get behind.

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  175. zoe

    As much as I love New Orleans….. they really don’t have the demographics. There are plenty of casinos in CA, and didn’t Vegas go the way of Kerry? It would be logistically much easier to Annex.
    Think twice. It’s just the party pad of drunken midwesterners.
    -Zoe, of the greater SF bay area.

    Reply
  176. Misfitt

    Unite the sucession!
    An architect in training, here.Unite the succession!
    An architect in training, here. I will be licensed soon. I’m just wondering if I should even bother with the USA test. I figure I’ll wait for the Coastopian licensure board and have something that actually has some worth.
    Let’s learn from the past before moving forward, too. That first succession didn’t work very well.
    Although the borders of Coastopia successfully give us a “surround and conquer” offense against the evil United Staters, we need to consider our battle strategy. I fear the New Orleans, Chapel Hill, and Durham outposts will fall quickly when the Uniter Staters attempt re-assimilation. My suggestion is to move what we can to our strongest locations before the announcement and leave the rest.
    But if we’re continuing with the satellite commonwealths, I strongly suggest adding the Miami to Key West area. 1.) Because South Beach will need refuge in Coastopia. 2.) Because the tourism trade could make Coastopia some much needed capital. (I mean c’mon: with all these artists and thinkers, how are we really going to make any money? Sure, we’ve got LA and some others but there’s always that draw to the tropics for honeymoons.) 3.) Dade County did their best to swing the vote in Florida. Soon God will come and pick up most of the population out of the waiting room and leave the entertainers that have attempted to infuse the area. That aught to bring up the highly liberal barometer.

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  177. Ruth Altstaetter

    I am sooooo ashamed!! I am living in the “old country. I campaigned, handed out literature, e-mailed, telephoned, talked and talked, had a Kerry Party–to no avail. Could you not just include my small property in coastopia?? Please!! I am sooooo depressed. Ruthless

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  178. Colleen

    Thank you Citygod ! You took the words right out of my mouth. I really feel sorry for this Norom.
    He will be the first to bitch in the coming years.
    Norom, I have never seen Michael Moore’s film to quote him, just so you know. To clarify your lack of understanding regarding Active & Retired Military benefit proposed cuts, The Bush admn. is proposing to cut health,retirement pensions,death indemnity compensation to both active & retired families. This means that if a soldier dies during active duty, the families will not receive
    the military insurance that covers their loved one, which is contractual between the govt., and the enlisted personnel upon signing on for military duty. Retirees stand to lose their retirement pensions. Would you like it if someone took away your pension and left you nothing, and you were guaranteed this upon contract? I don’t think so…
    Gay rights: not just about marriage bozo! They are intitled to the same rights as the straight community. The right to partnership recognition, right to see their loved ones in an ICU, the rights to partnership tax advantage, legal rights to healthcare. This boils down to this country losing money if they allow gays to marry. Marriage is a contract between two people, and not
    of the governments ruling. Isn’t it funny how the seperation of church and state gets pulled out when you start to talk about gay marriage. What about the morals of those straight people who cheat on their spouses, beat their kids, and then have the audasity to sit in church every Sunday! This country is about the freedom of equal opportunity for all, including those of race, creed,color,religion,and sexual orientation. Perhaps you forgot that….Are you sure Noram isn’t backwards for Moron? Have you served in the
    US Military, or did you get 6 deferrments to aviod service like Cheney.

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  179. terri

    Oops, you’ll need to cut Oregon, Washington, and California in half lengthwise. The east side of the Cascades/Sierras is decidedly redneck. Red everything.

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  180. Farrell

    I’m so terribly sad and so sorry that tolerance in America is so difficult. We are a democracy. It is our responsibility to voice what we know to be true. We cannot be intimidated by people who do not know how to listen to divergent views. So, we listen very carefully. They are very frightened. We are sad. An important difference. Listen, please. Listen and figure out where our common ground lies. Common ground is important and I believe that there is the answer to our collective sadness.

    Reply
  181. April Lindner

    Thanks for the only laugh I’ve had in three days. You need to put a purple dot on the map for Yellow Springs, Ohio as well (a tiny little oasis of coolness in the red sea of Ohio).

    Reply
  182. thegarbarian

    Too much to lose. I don’t want to give them my great lakes, plains, or rocky mountains. We need to have a redneck roundup and corral those fucks down to texas. Shit, then we could sell it off to mexico. They could call it Texaco.

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  183. Pisto Pete

    *Bush has political capital. It has a short shelf life. If he wants to try to partially privatize (er, excuse me, “reform”) Social Security, or any of the other agenda items he mentioned, he’s got about a year to do so. After that, Congress turns to thoughts of re-election, and he becomes the lamest of lame ducks.
    *If the Republicans don’t ditch Arlen Specter from Chairmanship of the Judiciary committee, they will have more pissed off constituents than they can deal with. If he, Linc Chafee, Olympia Snowe, and Susan Collins want to go be Democrats, or join the Jumpin’ Jim Jeffords Party, let ’em. That’s still 51 Republicans, and we’ll get more in 2006.
    *Some people have a problem with calling the Bush win “decisive”. Well, the country did decide, so the word is not used improperly. Bush also got over 50% of the popular vote for the first time anyone’s done it since his dad in 1988. Considering Clinton never got over 49%, as well as the debacle of 2000, a clean, clear, majority victory is fairly decisive.
    *Awright, it’s been 3 days of whining, rending of garments, tearing out of hair, and threatening to leave the country by liberals. It’s been 3 days of making excuses, assessing blame, and insulting those who voted for Bush. Here’s a tip, liberals. Come up with some new %$#@ing ideas, work to sell them to the people, instead of trying to foist them ON the people, and be prepared to honestly debate them. No Democrat has proposed a new political idea since 1966 (Medicare), and look how well THAT has turned out. Before that, you have to go back to the New Deal. I thought it was conservatives that abhorred change. Your best ideas are over 60 years old, and if you look at them honestly, they weren’t that good. Social Security and Medicare were and are Ponzi schemes. We’re running out of workers to pay for the retirees, and you don’t have a clue what to do about it (well, actually you DO, but you can’t tell anybody you want to means test it and raise the hell out of FICA taxes). read the rreport of the SS commission Bush had in the forst year of his administration. On it were liberals Pat Moynihan and Bob Kerrey. They advocated private SS accounts. Stop whining, stop channeling Karl Marx, FDR, and LBJ, and try to live in the real world. You might actually win sometime in the near future.
    *And while I’m on the subject, I am a conservative. I don’t know of any other conservative who is ashamed to call himself a conservative. Some of us even call ourselves Paleoconservatives (not me, but some do). Stop trying to hide and call yourselves what you are. You’re #@$%ing liberals. You aren’t “progressive”, since your newest idea is over 30 years old. Be who you are, and if you can’t get elected being that, maybe YOU’RE the ones who are stupid, ignorant, duped, and foolish. But stop insulting people who don’t vote the way you want them to, if you aren’t going to be brave enough to be who you are, say who you are, and say what you stand for.
    Rant over, carry on.

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  184. Dan

    You gotta love “compassionate conservatism.” What the hell that any of these “compassionate conservatives” say or do is even remotely “compassionate?” You know, being a sarcastic guy, I used to love euphamisms as I used them to joke around until the Bush administration came along. Now I can’t stand euphamisms. Everyone calls Kerry a flip-flopper. Bush is a huge flip flopper and no-one wants to recognize it, especially when it comes to Iraq. Not only is he a flip flopper, but he has more “amnesia” than anyone I have ever seen; theres a euphamism for you. First Iraq had WMDs, a link to Al-Qaeda and was looking to use aluminum tubes bought from Africa to nuke us. Then after we went to war, no WMDs. The Bush administration fought this. This claim turned out to be false. After alot of fighting, they finally conceded there were no WMDs. Then they stuck to the Al-Qaeda link, which also turned out to be false. They fought that too, but again, false. Then they said, well, Iraq had “intentions” to go after us. What the fuck? What the hell happened to the “credible undeniable proof” that they had that Iraq was an imminent threat to us, not to mention that they were behind Al-Qaeda’s 911 attack? (OOPS, SORRY, THAT’S FALSE TOO, thank you 911 commission!). What is up with Bush trying for years to block an independant commission to investigate 911? Lemme think, if I were in charge, and I had a huge attack on my country’s soil, the first thing I would find out is what the hell happened to bring this about. Why would you block such a thing? One reason, you’ve got something to hide. Do yourself a favor, read 1984 then look at any one of Bush’s speeches and you’ll see at least 2 good examples of Doublespeak. My point, Bush not only isn’t consistent with his facts, he blatantly lies about alot of things, especially Iraq. Someone I know once said, at least he is doing what he thinks is right. I DON’T CARE IF HE BELIEVES THIS WILL BRING THE MESSIAH! It doesn’t matter if he believes what he is doing is right (or at least pretends to), it matters if it IS the right thing to do. Going to war with NO PROOF is wrong, and defending it is wrong, especially when every piece of your evidence has been refuted. I am sick and tired of people turning a blind eye to this. People just selectively forget the facts and say “You gotta stick by the president.” Let me tell you something, I dont have to stick by shit. I stick by whats right, and Im not seeing it. Lastly, what the hell is up with the name calling? Nobody wants to listen to a reasonable argument, so they call me a liberal. Well you know what, I AM A LIBERAL! Good, now are you happy? Call me names, I don’t care. I got a question for you, why don’t you use your brain? Good question I think. Long live American Coastopia, and I love the fact that I don’t need to move from my NH residence to be a part of it!

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  185. Mike

    I’m in. But I don’t want to have to shoot anyone to gain independence. Also, I don’t think we should cut off the area east of the Cascades/Sierra’s. Sure, they are rednecks over there – however – at least in WA – the East side of the mountains contains fertile plains. A lot of wheat comes from Eastern WA, and I think we will need that because a lot of us are going to be vegetarians I’m sure. God damn midwesterners and southerners.
    Also, WA has tons of Native American casinos and New Orleans is dirty and violent. So we don’t need New Orleans – well actually the jazz scene is vital to history – so lets keep it.

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  186. Dan Roth

    Hey, why’d you leave Hawaii out? They voted for Kerry. We need pineapple, macadamia nuts and a convenient place for sitcoms to film family trips in the years after they Jump the Shark.

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  187. AF One

    You now what? You all are making sick, both liberals and conservatives. Your bickering and in-fighting is what is fucking up this country. I’m a fucking LIBERTARIAN. What, we don’t get any states? I see how it is…a country of elitist dogs Is that what you people are, fucking dogs? Can you only see in black and white? America is a country that thrives on ethnic, economic, and cultural diversity. Splitting the country up is not going to fix things. And running away isn’t going to make things any better, either. Try to act like mature adults and face your goddamn problems for once. And for God’s sake, take responsibility for your own actions for once. Not everything that happens in this world can be answered by “It’s not my fault”. Face it, we are not perfect. We are ALL wrong in this by some way or another.
    Now, as far as dividing the country, that is just stupid. Especially since you are doing it to serve your own agenda. The only way to do it right is to go door-to-door and find out if they’re Rep or Dem. Oh, you Dems want Durham? How do you know that business owner didn’t vote Republican? Isn’t it unfair to force him/her to convert just ’cause they’re in a city you want. That kind of logic is real mature.
    So grow up, people. The world is not always going to go the way you want it. Nothing is going to get better if we, as AMERICANS, can learn to compromise with each other and move forward as a country. It’s OK for each of you to have your own opinions on how things should be run, but have the common courtesy to repect those that differ from yours. Some of us in the service, and many of those before us, fight very hard so you can have the right to disagree. So please, don’t abuse it so much.

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  188. Nick Cvietkovich

    You are being copied. Your comments about Coastopia have been copied verbatim and is travelling in a fast-moving forward. You might want to contact Debbie Berger
    Center for American Progress
    phone: 202/478-6330
    fax: 202/682-1867
    cell: 202/320-9946

    Reply
  189. utaustintx

    Pisto >>> “You aren’t “progressive”, since your newest idea is over 30 years old. Be who you are, and if you can’t get elected being that, maybe YOU’RE the ones who are stupid, ignorant, duped, and foolish. But stop insulting people who don’t vote the way you want them to, if you aren’t going to be brave enough to be who you are, say who you are, and say what you stand for.
    Gee, Pete… no one forced you to come to Coastopia just to be an a**hole. Coastopians are content. Sore winners ought to look at themselves.

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  190. Canuck

    Please stop tyring to make us your 51st state, don’t you realize that trying to take our country is just like what they’re doing in Iraq. I respect your country because ours is not perfect either, and I think we can all learn from each other. However I would like to extend an invitation to all those truley fed up to try and emigrate to Canada. That is, if you think you can learn to live with all the polar bears and what not…:)

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  191. hindsey

    How much do teachers get paid in Coastopia? Or is money obsolete? That would be okay too.
    I would like to continue trying to encourage critical thinking here in the Old Country, but I fear that once the schools all fail to meet the unfunded NCLB goals and are privatized, I will be out of a job. Because the responsibility for running our schools will certainly fall into the hands of “faith-based” (read: Bush’s base) organizations, I will become unemployable.

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  192. bird

    Aww…thanks for remembering Iowa. It did vote Democrat for the past 4 elections and it still might have this time.
    But you forgot Minnesota, Michigan and Wisconsin! They’re all Blue States!

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  193. Burnin' Vernon

    I love it! However, bird is right — you forgot to include Minnesota and Wisconsin. However, if you simply threw in Minneapolis, Madison, and Milwaukee as affiliated “dots,” that’d do as well.

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  194. NY TImes

    This guy gets it, too bad most of you don’t.
    The Values-Vote Myth
    By DAVID BROOKS
    Every election year, we in the commentariat come up with a story line to explain the result, and the story line has to have two features. First, it has to be completely wrong. Second, it has to reassure liberals that they are morally superior to the people who just defeated them.
    In past years, the story line has involved Angry White Males, or Willie Horton-bashing racists. This year, the official story is that throngs of homophobic, Red America values-voters surged to the polls to put George Bush over the top.
    This theory certainly flatters liberals, and it is certainly wrong.
    Here are the facts. As Andrew Kohut of the Pew Research Center points out, there was no disproportionate surge in the evangelical vote this year. Evangelicals made up the same share of the electorate this year as they did in 2000. There was no increase in the percentage of voters who are pro-life. Sixteen percent of voters said abortions should be illegal in all circumstances. There was no increase in the percentage of voters who say they pray daily.
    It’s true that Bush did get a few more evangelicals to vote Republican, but Kohut, whose final poll nailed the election result dead-on, reminds us that public opinion on gay issues over all has been moving leftward over the years. Majorities oppose gay marriage, but in the exit polls Tuesday, 25 percent of the voters supported gay marriage and 35 percent of voters supported civil unions. There is a big middle on gay rights issues, as there is on most social issues.
    Much of the misinterpretation of this election derives from a poorly worded question in the exit polls. When asked about the issue that most influenced their vote, voters were given the option of saying “moral values.” But that phrase can mean anything – or nothing. Who doesn’t vote on moral values? If you ask an inept question, you get a misleading result.
    The reality is that this was a broad victory for the president. Bush did better this year than he did in 2000 in 45 out of the 50 states. He did better in New York, Connecticut and, amazingly, Massachusetts. That’s hardly the Bible Belt. Bush, on the other hand, did not gain significantly in the 11 states with gay marriage referendums.
    He won because 53 percent of voters approved of his performance as president. Fifty-eight percent of them trust Bush to fight terrorism. They had roughly equal confidence in Bush and Kerry to handle the economy. Most approved of the decision to go to war in Iraq. Most see it as part of the war on terror.
    The fact is that if you think we are safer now, you probably voted for Bush. If you think we are less safe, you probably voted for Kerry. That’s policy, not fundamentalism. The upsurge in voters was an upsurge of people with conservative policy views, whether they are religious or not.
    The red and blue maps that have been popping up in the papers again this week are certainly striking, but they conceal as much as they reveal. I’ve spent the past four years traveling to 36 states and writing millions of words trying to understand this values divide, and I can tell you there is no one explanation. It’s ridiculous to say, as some liberals have this week, that we are perpetually refighting the Scopes trial, with the metro forces of enlightenment and reason arrayed against the retro forces of dogma and reaction.
    In the first place, there is an immense diversity of opinion within regions, towns and families. Second, the values divide is a complex layering of conflicting views about faith, leadership, individualism, American exceptionalism, suburbia, Wal-Mart, decorum, economic opportunity, natural law, manliness, bourgeois virtues and a zillion other issues. (Like I said. Kerry has NEVER took pride in AMERICAN Pride. He looked down on it like the eurowennies do. American exceptionalism is real. From the Barbary Pirates to the Panama Canal to the Moon Landing, to medicine to missle defense to helping every country the world over during earthquakes, floods, wars etc…)
    But the same insularity that caused many liberals to lose touch with the rest of the country now causes them to simplify, misunderstand and condescend to the people who voted for Bush. If you want to understand why Democrats keep losing elections, just listen to some coastal and university town liberals talk about how conformist and intolerant people in Red America are. It makes you wonder: why is it that people who are completely closed-minded talk endlessly about how open-minded they are?
    What we are seeing is a diverse but stable Republican coalition gradually eclipsing a diverse and stable Democratic coalition. Social issues are important, but they don’t come close to telling the whole story. Some of the liberal reaction reminds me of a phrase I came across recently: The rage of the drowning man.

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  195. Ishtar

    Wahoo!!! Already a member of American Coastopia, living in CA and all, though I am aware that part of this state is probably going to want to stay red. Sounds like a great idea to me!
    To those who seem to have a problem with the proposition, particularly with the fact that many of us, who were born here, are comfortable staying where we are rather than ‘moving to France’…
    Nearly half the country voted against Bush. Kerry wasn’t a great candidate, and no, I’m not a democrat (or a Republican), and we STILL got nearly half the country voting against Bush. Why should we fund warmongering when we’ve already been driven into debt? Why should we endure increased risks of terrorism and the antipathy of almost the whole world? Can’t speak for my fellow blue countrymen, but California has been largely ignored (by both administrations, actually) because they know how we’re going to vote. During our energy crisis, despite the fact that we’re the seventh largest economy IN THE WORLD and contribute largely to the economy of our former country, not only did the administration ignore us, but the public opinion from the US was essentially “Ha ha, ya flaming liberals! Enjoy your darkness!” And now you want to keep us? Ha!!
    A true democracy BASED on Constitutional principles does not operate by saying “We got a slim majority, time to obliterate checks and balances and move ahead with a highly conservative agenda”. They are already making plans to strip the Constitution, allegedly there to protect us from an irresponsible majority “mob mentality” to agree with their plans. In essence, the administration is going forward with the idea that nearly half the country’s population was a nuisance that can now be overcome.
    So we’re leaving! Deal with it. And I am aware of California’s ban on gay marriage, because I was campaigning against it when the anti-persecution people were on campus trying to get people to realize that other people’s love is none of their business. Hopefully, in American Coastopia, though we welcome dissenting political opinions, we can start from a position where ALL people are created equal, not the Orwellian “but some are more equal than others”.
    And of course secession isn’t a new idea. What does strike me as funny is that some of the people calling us whiners etc are from states that still want to fly the confederate flag. I’d like to think our secession is based on something a little more noble than keeping other people as slaves though. I’m also hoping there won’t be a war considering how badly the pro-Bush people seem to want us out to begin with. Having us around delays the appointment of conservative judges to the Supreme Court, the passage of more legislation to pour MORE money and lives into Iraq and whatever country we decide to terrorize next (Iraq had nothing to do with WMDs or 9/11, people!! So what we did was terrorism!), and the entire Bush agenda.
    So Viva American Coastopia!!!!
    Ishtar

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  196. Midwestern Woman

    I’m a midwestern married mother of two from IN. Does that conjure up any stereotypes? If it did, I might not fit the stereotypes that either the liberals or conservatives think from this website. I am an educated working professional and a die-hard liberal living in a state that is mainly red. I have been in heated debates with neighbors and friends on these topics for years. In my ignorant bliss, I always considered their belief systems antiquated and conservatives a “dying breed. It is now 4 days after the election, and I am still baffled. As I read some of the stereotypical and hateful respones from some of the conservatives, it occurred to me that we liberals are also being sterotypical and hateful too. I am going to try to practice what I preach by being open-minded even if it requires being open-minded to what I consider closed-mindedness. Surprisingly enough, my republican friend sent me this website.
    P.S. Helenjane’s comment is one of my favorites…concise and to the point!

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  197. Sarah Kaz

    I go to school in Portland Oregon, at one of the only all-girls schools on the west coast. half of my school is willingly joining your American Coastopia. …now how do we let the rest of the world know we’ve seceded?

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  198. Jacob diMinnesota

    Hmmm…
    Well, I come from Minnesota, a state excluded from your map. Minnesota has a long and continuous tradition of voting Democrat. Heck, I think we were the ONLY state that Reagan did not win in 1985. Perhaps you need to do your research…
    What this article really does, though, is show the closed-mindedness and narrow viewpoints of many modern-day American liberals. Let me apply an approach similar to the one you, and many other cloberals (close-minded liberals), use on us:
    Residing in their hip, contemporary inter-urban flats, furnished after one of Sex and the City girls’ pads, they snicker making scornful armchair judgments of us middle-American folks: lower-end, trashy, and certainly not in conformity with the current social trends (but they’ll never use the word “conformity”, because their progressive views make them SUCH INDIVIDUALS). Our un-enlightened views on marriage (we believe that it is an institution between a MAN and a WOMAN, as it normally has been in the past, with the possible exception of heterosexual polygamy, which I don’t support, of course), abortion, or as they euphemize it, “reproductive rights” (we believe that human life has sancity, no matter what its age, and most us have sense enough to realize that abortion occurs after the reproducin’), religion (we Middle-American folks are mindless followers of hopeless out-of-date Christianity, backwards because it acknowledges the human condition and actually preaches **MORALITY**, as opposed to the one of the many terribly posh flavors of new age-ism), and a hodge-podge of other things, e.g. gun rights (‘cuz it’s necessary to take the guns out of the hands of law-abiding citizens) and the like.
    After using their ever-sagacious judgment, of the in-superior nature of the middle western breed, and how they just ought to be spat upon, if only in words, the cloberal goes on to criticize the brutal intolerance of them simple people. Oh, no, but isn’t the cloberal, in her trendy $500 Manolo Blahniks, as opposed to the cheap department-store shoes that grab the non-peticured middle-American feet, being a bit intolerant here? Not quite, because in the Cloberal’s revisionist 2004 dictionary, “tolerance” is a virtue extending solely to other liberals. It shall not bestowed, for purposes of social advancement, upon anybody who believes in the existence of right-and-wrong, unless they’re a non-Christian, because we all know how far back Christianity has set society. The new dual-standard of tolerance may seem illogical at first, but the cloberal, with her ever-keen reasoning skills honed from a feminist interpetation of the Qu’ran and Madonnan Kabbalah, cannot fail. After all, who’s the one not wanting gays to get married? (to be continued, maybe, but I got lazy and decided to stop here for now. AIIGHT?)

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  199. Mike

    Yes! I’ve been circulating the same idea to all my friends. We should definately seced – we should have been two countries since the Civil War.
    I vote for joining Canada. We would then be the largest, most economically & culturally vital country in the world. The “old” united states would continue to fall backwards into ruin. We might need to send them a bit of aid to keep them from becoming a third world country though.

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  200. Mrs. G

    There seems to be little that liberals and conservatives can agree on, but maybe there is one thing. After Sept. 11, we all felt a sense of unity like never before. Now there is a great divide and we are bickering and contemptuous of each other. We were one people; now we are red states and blue states, pompous, dirty liberals and stupid, redneck conservatives. This great sad divide is the direct result of the Bush administration’s leadership.
    If I had to choose between Coastopia and the rest of the country, I would certainly go with Coastopia, but I would miss my friends in the rest of the country.
    Mrs. G

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  201. Dan

    Gotta agree with Mrs. G. Ive been thinking about how people can’t agree on anything, and one side is always the ignorant side. I personally realize now though that seceding isn’t going to stop ignorance on either side. However, it would be nice to get away from Mr. Bush’s tyranny, so therefore Long live American Coastopia ;) People, try to think and look outside your narrow spectrum of ideas (this goes out to everyone)

    Reply
  202. TallGrrl

    “What this article really does, though, is show the closed-mindedness and narrow viewpoints of many modern-day American liberals. Let me apply an approach similar to the one you, and many other cloberals (close-minded liberals), use on us”
    ======
    What this article does is make you look a complete fool.
    Me? I’ve never paid $500 for anything other than to get my car fixed…or my rent.
    I’ve never known a “close-minded” liberal.
    In fact, before we go any further, I think you should define the word “liberal” because I don’t think you…or most of the people who use it like they use the word “motherfucker”…knows what it actually means.

    Reply
  203. reb

    I am proud to say that PA is a blue state. Formerly I made fun of my home but no longer. I am proud to be part of American Coastopia. That being said, however, I am going to choose to stay here with the yucky parts of the country and fight for what I believe in. Maybe it’s easier because I’m from PA (yay!) but leaving the rest of the 55 million to suffer just doesn’t seem fair.

    Reply
  204. reb

    I am proud to say that PA is a blue state. Formerly I made fun of my home but no longer. I am proud to be part of American Coastopia. That being said, however, I am going to choose to stay here with the yucky parts of the country and fight for what I believe in. Maybe it’s easier because I’m from PA (yay!) but leaving the rest of the 55 million to suffer just doesn’t seem fair.

    Reply
  205. PaulB

    You need to include AUSTIN, TX.
    If you look at any county-by-county map, you’ll see Austin is bright blue, having gone for Kerry almost 60% to only 38%
    Austin is a great, cool, liberal, high-tech, artsy city that is the live music captial of the world.
    TAKE US WITH YOU! :-)

    Reply
  206. sb

    Thank you, Jacob diMinnesota, for making the perfect case for everything I voted against. You prove I voted correctly. FYI, your free speech is copied so I can use its incisive logic as precious gems to illuminate my next speech about the pressing need today for balance, humor, tolerance and justice. Thanks tons.
    Love isn’t a twisted construction spewing from the head. It doesn’t need words, and is centered located a little lower, actually. Ah, not too low, now. That little head down there, Jacob, is just as self-serving as the big one up top. Try thinking from your heart. It won’t make near as many mistakes as either one of those other two appendages will, you’ll have a lot more friends and see a more wonderful, more inclusive and unified world. I strongly suggest you stop drinking, too. It’s devastating too much of your brain, right where you need those cells the most (the limbic system–uh, where your feelings are).
    Congratulations for helping and “Go, Jacob”! Oops, I mean, don’t go. Don’t come… to Coastopia. Uh, sit, stay, lie down, roll over, play dead!
    Long live Coastopians for Sanity, Peace, and Really Happy Dogs.

    Reply
  207. lisa

    still feeling sick but choose to believe it’s a sign for all the peace lovin hippies to make a stand and run towards coastopia! we don’t need the red states but they will come to see how badly they need us when the shit really hits the fan.
    i have to get packing. see ya’ll in coastopia!

    Reply
  208. Mrs. G

    I know this is a bit long, but I found it helpful to look up the words everyone is tossing around. Revealing, and a little surprising, these are direct quotes from Dictionary.com and Roget’s Thesaurus. You decide, based on these definitions, not on the redefined meanings used by some of our public servants, to which category you would like to belong.
    From Dictionary.com
    liberalism
    1. The state or quality of being liberal.
    2. A political theory founded on the natural goodness of humans
    and the autonomy of the individual and favoring civil and political
    liberties, government by law with the consent of the governed, and
    protection from arbitrary authority.
    3. An economic theory in favor of laissez-faire, the free market,
    and the gold standard
    conservatism
    1. The inclination, especially in politics, to maintain the existing
    or traditional order.
    2. A political philosophy or attitude emphasizing respect for traditional
    institutions, distrust of government activism, and opposition to sudden
    change in the established order.
    liberal
    adj.
    1. Not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or
    authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from bigotry.
    2. Favoring proposals for reform, open to new ideas for progress,
    and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others; broad-minded.
    Of, relating to, or characteristic of liberalism.
    conservative
    adj.
    1. Favoring traditional views and values; tending to oppose change.
    2. Traditional or restrained in style: a conservative dark suit.
    3. Moderate; cautious: a conservative estimate.
    From Roget’s Thesaurus:
    Entry: liberal
    Function: adjective
    Definition: progressive
    Synonyms: advanced, avant-garde, big, broad, broad-minded, catholic, detached, disinterested, dispassionate,
    enlightened, flexible, free, general, high-minded, humanistic, humanitarian, impartial, indulgent,
    inexact, intelligent, interested, latitudinarian, left, lenient, libertarian, loose, magnanimous,
    not close, not literal, not strict, permissive, pink, radical, rational, reasonable, receiving, receptive,
    reformist, tolerant, unbiased, unbigoted, unconventional, understanding, unorthodox, unprejudiced
    Entry: conservative
    Function: adjective
    Definition: moderate
    Synonyms: bourgeois, cautious, constant, controlled, conventional, die-hard, fearful, firm, fogyish, fuddy-duddy, guarded,
    hard hat, hidebound, holding to, illiberal, inflexible, middle-of-the-road, not extreme, obstinate, old guard, old-line,
    orthodox, quiet, red-neck, right, right-wing, sober, stable, steady, timid, traditional, traditionalistic, unchangeable,
    unchanging, uncreative, undaring, unimaginative, unprogressive, white bread

    Reply
  209. Kat Moore

    I was all with you until you made that really cruel comment about Duke. I went to Duke and many of my democratic friends went to Duke. Why would you say something like that? I wouldn’t say that about Chapel Hill. I love Chapel Hill. You become devisive and part of the problem when you alienate a group of intelligent and liberal people who were as depressed as anyone else on election day. I was a part of Duke Democrates. We campaigned for Clilnton and for Harvey Gantt when he ran against Jesse Helms. We lobbied in Washington for women’s rights. Why would you alienate us just for a joke or a school rivalry or for whatever reason you made that comment.
    Oh, and Wake Forest is in Winston Salem not Greensboro you idiot. And my very democtratic Uncle and Grandmother live there. My Uncle works on for urban planning keeping Walmart and other big land hording corps in check. Your as bad and apparently as ignorant as the right you jerk!

    Reply
  210. Ian

    The Dook comment was meant in terms of moving the school like Wake Forest was moved, and I happened to mention Greensboro, although I can see how that was confusing. I am well aware of where Wake is now located.
    By the way, I apologize for nothing when it comes to Duke. Sorry, but a guy’s gotta have his demons.

    Reply
  211. sarah

    Well, you can have your country. I prefer a country that stands besides its soliders and we would all be better off with Hollywood sinking into the deepest part of the ocean. Seems like you good folks have all the answers. And it also seems like you are full of a lot of hate. I know things like family and motherhood (so sorry Teresa, I personally think being a mother is one of the most important jobs) are “traditional” and not forward thinking enough for you folks. I live on the east coast and my husband works in a prison full of men and women who have so benefitted from your wonderful welfare state. Actually, here in PA, you can have as many children as you like, and we keep on giving you money. (Of course, noone clues them in and tells them that $300 a month per kid isn’t going to actually support them. But they do know if they are able to get a mental health diagnosis on them they get almost double that per kid!) Hope you guys are ready to support cities of women and the children (in prison they call them wives, mistresses and baby-mamas – isn’t that sweet!) and the men who leave them. Because, heaven forbid, we trample on their human rights and actually expect them to work!!!! Actually, you can continue the trend, and instead of having welfare support those who temporarily need it, just make it a way of life, passing down the core values of receiving a hand out and never really putting anything back. As a young man I worked with so eloquently put it when asked what he planned to do when he grew up “Do? What do you mean do?”
    “Well,” I said “you know, work. What would you like to do?”
    “I ain’t going to work!”
    “How will you live then? What will you do for money?”
    “Money – they just send me the check man, they send me the check.”
    How sad that a boy of 12 thinks this is the proper way to “work.” Because, well, if you actually get a job, your system is set up to take away their benefits. Anyway, go ahead and keep them down, so you have someone to look after and Hollywood and all the music “artists” have someone to champion. They need to make themselves feel better for having all that money. Hmm wonder if they would offer “free” movies or CDs to anyone showing an id that states they are down-trodden. Because we all know who is supporting their million dollar homes, their “pimped up rides” and their glamourous life style. And if you really educated them, they may get wise and stop buying the stuff.
    Anyway, sorry for your bitterness. Have a wonderful country. You should elect Kerry to be president. But please make sure Teresa closes all of those factories overseas. You should keep the jobs in your country.
    PS As for gay marriage, we all don’t believe in what you have put forth. I do believe that equal rights should be given and civil services should be legal. So, please don’t make wide classifications of people of faith.

    Reply
  212. Beck

    Remember, John Kerry is against gay marriage! Please do America a favor and just move your sorry whiny asses to France!

    Reply
  213. CL

    >>As a young man I worked with so eloquently put it …”Well,” I said “you know, work. What would you like to do?” “I ain’t going to work!”
    One of the big problems with conservatives is assumptions. I love how you find one 12-year-old boy who said something not very bright in conversation and use it to indict a whole system meant to help people. Think of all the children you would hurt if you stop providing a safety net (note: Safety net meaning last resort to protect people from the lowest depths of pain), just because you chose to use the words of one 12-year-old to back up your argument.
    By the way, Does that 12-year-old live next door to the people on Welfare who own 8 Cadillacs, and up the road from the “lazy” homeless people who sit on the sidewalk begging for money from strangers all day because so much it’s easier than going into an office on Wall Street? What a country!
    There are some conservatives here who have made rational arguments, but both sides would do better if we didn’t resort to ignorance and assumptions, particularly like the one above. I mean, complaining about Welfare and people getting rich off it? That is sooooo 1980s! I thought Welfare to Work was supposed to fix that. At least we’re trying to address the problem.
    Help people to help themselves, whatever the reason they got into their situation… – isn’t that what Christianity teaches as well?

    Reply
  214. Ambassador Christopher Milton

    Wow so much anger from some of these people. I would like to point out:
    Just because we are forward thinking liberals, we have not necessarily left things like traditional marige, and family values behind. We still like those things, but we don’t believe everyone has to like them or believe in them.
    Just because we we allow “gay marriage” doesn’t mean you have to “marry gay.”
    Just because we think Welfare is a good idea, doesn’t mean we like how it is run in your country.
    Just because we don’t support the “War” doesn’t mean we don’t love, care and fear for the lives of our soldiers.
    Just because we hate taxbreaks for companies who outsource to third world countries, doesn’t mean we don’t think a global economy is good. (It’s called corporate responsibility.)
    There are others to come, but I need to get back to other matters. Thak you for your time and have a nice day!
    Sincerely,
    Christopher Milton
    Self declared Ambassador to Tennessee of American Coastopia
    P.S. And please don’t look at our plans of secession and our political rhetoric as whining, think of it as country building. I seem to remember similar posturing (from both sides) being propagated 234 years ago.

    Reply
  215. born and bred

    …”just a joke or a school rivalry or whatever”..
    I’m gonna have to check with the admissions office; I can’t be sure that Kat Moore got the full number of meaningful credits at the University of New Jersey at Durham, although I’m sure her shit stinx just like the rest of us, whether we be Tar Hellians or smelly dookies.
    While the commenters on this blog can diss, agree, disagree, or agree to disagree on political matters or ‘whatever’, let’s get one thing that does matter straight, Duke Sucks Donkey Ding-Dongs (made of Dung).
    Go Heels.

    Reply
  216. Ishtar

    Wow, more angry stuff! Go fig.
    The interesting thing is how well the heads of the Republican party have manipulated the meaning of the word: morality. Morals, if we are to believe them, center around gays and abortion. Though gay LOVE is not addressed in the Bible, lust is, and is equivalent (in Romans) with adultery. Adultery is described a number of ways INCLUDING marriage of those who have been divorced due to something other than fornication.
    Abortion is not addressed at all. There is a sneaky passage in Exodus that people keep fighting over the translation on, and “Thou shalt not kill (murder)” is not specific enough to be useful for anything, since the original passage is followed by a boatload of mixed messages.
    So what is moral? We have someone making wild assumptions about welfare states. Personally, I work. I don’t have any government handouts. I just graduated from college and it’s a nasty job market, so I’m working a job I’m overqualified for, but working it nonetheless, and grateful to have a job.
    The issue that is HEAVILY covered by Jesus throughout the New Testament is poverty. If we are to believe the heads of the Republican party and many of the people who voted in that direction, Jesus would support stockpiling wealth, telling the homeless to “Get jobs!” (we all know how hard it is to get a job in the current market when you DO have a home) and to generally demonstrate a lack of compassion for those on a lower economic level. Does that mean I support mothers using children as welfare checks? No. But I also see programs to address poverty considered “Liberal garbage” by people supposedly making the “moral choice”. Read your Bibles people!
    Would Jesus support going to war against Iraq? Bible doesn’t tell us explicitly, but considering his positions on violence, I’m guessing going to war, particularly without cause, wouldn’t have been a big hit. And folks, there’s no cause. There are no WMDs (except the ones we lost). Saddam hasn’t tried anything against us in ten years. They weren’t involved in 9/11 (though Jesus wasn’t big on revenge killing, was he?), and they weren’t sponsoring terrorist cells. Even the Republicans decided that. Are we freeing the Iraqi people? Hmm… we bombed a bunch of their stuff and have declared martial law. We have been cooperating with dictatorships to try and gain access in the war while ignoring the countless others around the world. So that doesn’t pan out. You know what country has expressed pleasure with the Republican outcome? China. The Republicans increase trade with them without harping on human rights issues. Additionally, the same people considered the “moral choice” are in bed with a fundamentalist Islamic country that mistreats women that has sponsored more terrorist activity than any other- Saudi Arabia.
    By the way, I do support our troops. What I do not support is sending them into harm’s way and pulling them away from their families to fight for the sake of fighting. I find our current use of them ::gasp:: immoral.
    So stop painting me as being anti-Christianity simply because you’re too lazy to read your own Bibles. Stop painting your party as the moral choice because they have the “Christian” values of hoarding wealth, waging war, ignoring atrocity, and supporting the interests of people who want us all dead.
    Oh, and folks, you aren’t safer. Those states actually directly affected by terrorism didn’t go for Bush. Recruiting for terrorist groups is at an all time high, and we have lost the support in fighting terrorism in most of the world. So sweet dreams! Here in American Coastopia, we’d prefer NOT to be targeted for your policies.
    Ishie

    Reply
  217. Sarah

    Yes – help people to work. I don’t see that happening. And, no, one 12-year-old is a small, tiny example. I have worked in social services for years with under privledged youths. I have seen their pain and suffering and the lack of morality and caring in their lives. There are a huge number of children fathered without thought – to children, to women who have no way to change their life. We are lower income family – raking in a monsterous sum of $38,000 per year, raising our children (all 3) to believe that everyone is equal. That some people make bad choices and that others are trapped by our system.
    Am I angry? Yes I am. Because I wish to hell there was a middle ground in this country. I am for same sex unions – I happen to have a lot of dear friends who are gay and see their pain – I am for protection of our enviroment, am for distribution of wealth. But I am sick and tired of being labeled in a sterotypical way by people who think they know me. I am tired of the media in this country trying to stuff liberal views down my throat. I am sick of the hypocrisy of the politicans (on both sides).
    And, we are not all the same either, my friend. Do you wonder why the country is so dividied, that people cannot meet in the middle when you say things like:
    “because so many of you in the “heartland” are so full of shit”
    “We are tired of rednecks in Oklahoma picking the leader who will determine if it is safe for us to cross the Brooklyn Bridge. We are sick of homophobic knuckle-draggers in Wyoming contributing to the national debate on our gay marriages”
    Nice language and generalities here. Also – this is wonderful –
    “Hopefully they’ll blow targets in Texas or something, and not take it out on New York any more”
    I am a mother. I have 3 small children. I have a husband who took this country as his own in March of this year. I have friends and family across the board and across the world.
    Hopefully they will blow up Texas. Last I looked, Texans are Americans too. And people.

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  218. Paul

    I do read the bible – every night – and find your views interesting. Don’t call me lazy if you don’t know me. And, the bible is one interpretation of those things that happen. Just as your views are.

    Reply
  219. cullen

    Duke Sux. Coach K looks like a ferret. Is this the Twilight Zone? coastopia is toastopia. God Bless the Unified Sanctity of Anti-Duke.

    Reply
  220. Matt

    Maybe it’d make sense for American Coastopia to join the EU and adopt the Euro. After all, it’s kicking the living shit out of the U.S. dollar these days — we’d have another automatic advantage against Old U.S.A., and we’d all have those nifty EU passports too. But either way is fine with me. Anything to be able to talk to people around the world without having to apologize…

    Reply
  221. clairity

    i’m delighted to be a part of our new nation Coastopia, with the 16 highest state IQ ratings in the former USA. hey, let’s veto the patriot act and get back to basics as far as progression. and do you think it’s possible to just push florida out into the atlantic? it would make my soul sit easier. p.s. dc’s coming too, and the white house, it was ours first. w. can just use a trailer or something out in west virginia.

    Reply
  222. Erika

    I’m down here in C.H., but plan to move back deep into Coastopia, where it’s safe from ignorant “IQ-of-60” rednecks. But, since the Red States DID win the election, I suggest we reward them with a gift of their own making: Once the Iraq War is finally over, and millions of radical Iraqis call on us seeking asylum, we should resettle them all(as we will be obliged to do)into the Red States that voted for the Idiot that got us into the whole mess in the first place. Enjoy your spoils of war, folks!

    Reply
  223. Ishtar

    I do read the bible – every night – and find your views interesting. Don’t call me lazy if you don’t know me.
    —————–
    But of course I wasn’t. I could question your comprehension skills. The lazy statement was an If-then modification. DON’T label me as Anti-Christian IF you’re too lazy to read your own Bible. The fact that I am for gay marriage/union and pro choice means many see me as immoral and Anti-Christian, as if the Bible reads: Page One: God Rules. Page Two: Gays Suck. Page Three: Life Begins at Conception. The End. That’s a lazy approach to Christianity. Wouldn’t you agree?
    Many who see me as immoral and Anti-Christian are supporting an administration that seems VERY anti-poverty and very pro-violence. I see this as a contradiction to values expressed in the New Testament (of course, you may, upon your interpretation, feel free to disagree).
    It has been my direct experience that HUGE numbers of Christians have not read in full the book they claim contains our history, future, and ideal moral code. Forgive me if this also strikes me as a lazy quality. That in itself doesn’t bother me until people say that I’m mad about this election not because I’m tired of being at war and in debt, but because my ‘liberal values see things like RELIGION as old-fashioned, and it offends me that people have VALUES, like not supporting the MURDER of little babies, and by saying the marriage should be the way it’s ALWAYS been.’ In short, they feel I’m anti-Bush because I’m anti-Christian. In truth, I find Bush to be more anti-Christian than I could dream of. Those professing religion while acting in opposition to it are far more dangerous than those not even in the faith. I find that he has placed America and God in equivalent positions, which seems dangerously close to a false idol. He uses God as a justification to wage war. He praises God ‘on the streetcorners’ as it were, so all can hear, which Jesus specifically spoke against.
    So have you called me anti-Christian? No? Then I wasn’t talking to you, was I? If you did, have you read your Bible in full? You have? Then I wasn’t calling you lazy, was I?
    Ishie

    Reply
  224. Mo

    Why not BLUETOPIA? I see all the states that went blue wanting in. If the state went blue then there are more people who think (I almost put “think like us”…but just “think” actually works better). I like people who think and are not led by the ring in their nose. The violent RTTN’s (ring thru the nose) will move to red states soon enough because they will not be able to handle the progressive lifestyle we will make in Bluetopia.

    Reply
  225. Paul

    Ishie –
    “It has been my direct experience that HUGE numbers of Christians have not read in full the book they claim contains our history, future, and ideal moral code.”
    I believe this is true. What is your exoerience? I am not being attacking – I am asking. You sound fairly informed. And I am curious. Irregardless, my wife and I (whom you were calling a lazy person – her name is Sarah) are open to new views. Intelligent ones – and yours appears so. Although some people are very eloquent with the written word and I would assume to know anything about you. It is amazing the way noone wants to talk or discuss things without getting mad and slinging mud (my wife and myself included). Why is that? Are we so far apart that there is no way too meet? Are we that far gone?
    Do we need two countries? Never a truer thing said in jest. Makes me sad to be an American…even a brand new one.

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  226. Ishtar

    “I believe this is true. What is your exoerience?”
    I’m a former Christian. As a Christian, I found my fellows often quoting things that were misquotes or taken out of context, and occasionally things in Shakespearean plays. They also had no sense of chronology and no knowledge of things in the Bible, often stating things that flat-out weren’t true. Since departing the faith, I have had opportunities to speak to MANY Christians, in both hostile and friendly environments. In many cases, they have openly stated they have not read the whole thing (one after a vehement defense of its dead-to-rights accuracy and she hadn’t yet made it through Genesis). Many state they know the “gist” of it, and proceed to embark on a journey that allows me to know the position of their pastor or senator, but links to the Bible only in a common usage of the word “Jesus”. I’ve also noticed a trend lately (and Kent Hovind should be tarred and feathered for it) of confusing creationist literature with Biblical quotes.
    I have met some Christians who have read the entire Bible. They’ve typically been occupied largely with Bible study sessions to gain greater depth into what they’ve read and seem to be decidedly less hostile than many of the others, interestingly enough. I must say though, I have met plenty of “lazy” Christians who were also perfectly nice people. And I am not stating that conservatives are the only ones. I have met plenty of lazy Christians on the other side of the coin, stating things that sound nice but also aren’t in the Bible.
    From a voting based on Biblical morality thing (which I somewhat disagree with anyway), I think that BOTH sides need to look seriously at this. From a personal perspective, lazy Christians don’t bother me unless they’re actively making a nuisance of themselves (throwing rocks, screaming in my face, etc).
    “Irregardless, my wife and I (whom you were calling a lazy person – her name is Sarah) are open to new views. Intelligent ones – and yours appears so.”
    Thank you. Hello Sarah. Did I call her lazy or has she not read the Bible? I’m always open to new views. I like to listen to people who aren’t shouting. Though a CA liberal (with $9.99 shoes who hates Sex in the City), I, like my sinister android governor, try to decide things on a case to case basis, rather than by what gets me the grand prize in the Hippie Liberal Bake Sale.
    “It is amazing the way noone wants to talk or discuss things without getting mad and slinging mud (my wife and myself included). Why is that? Are we so far apart that there is no way too meet? Are we that far gone?”
    1. Welcome to the internet. If you think this is bad, try typing “Star Trek sucks” in the wrong place, and you’ll probably get death threats.
    2. People talking amongst themselves (Coastopians, Bush-ites, Alias fans) tend to be less diplomatic as a whole than they are in mixed company. When they’re talking amongst themselves, and the “others” happen into the conversation, it sets up an instant fight. The “others” don’t like being maligned and often respond with greater hostility than they generally would, and the “ins” get defensive.
    3. With those things, there is a vast divide in this country. I think an obsession on certain issues is exacerbating this. The factions often seem incapable of understanding the other’s position at all. I’m guilty of this. I cannot understand the red, not because I think they are a bunch of drunken, gun waving (got one of my own, how’s that for liberal?), warmongering hillbillies, but because I know a vast majority of them are not. This means that there is likely a logical motive for their voting decisions, and I, for the life of me, can’t figure out what it is. I know some red people. They’re nice; they’re well balanced; they’re not violent. Many take yoga classes (I AM in California). So I don’t understand. And they don’t understand me.
    4. As a pissed off liberal, I’ll try and speak for me, not that it necessarily represents my fellow pissed off liberals, but… I feel divided not because “my guy (like I want him) didn’t win”, but because I’m dead certain the winners do not care about people like me in the least. I have seen too many honest concerns pushed aside as ‘special interest groups’. If I felt this administration were truly going to attempt to represent the bulk of America, rather than the slim majority, I would shrug and lick my liberal wounds like I did in 2000, when I didn’t feel that this country was horribly divided. I didn’t feel depressed or lonely when Bush’s win was announced. I feel now like against the wishes of a VERY significant portion of this country, the administration is going to push ahead with whatever they want to do, whether we like it or not. I am concerned about what I feel to be unacceptable liberties taken with the Constitution during the last term, and more unacceptable ones proposed. I am also worried about facing a complete erosion of checks and balances.
    “Do we need two countries? Never a truer thing said in jest. Makes me sad to be an American…even a brand new one.”
    I am very sad to be an American right now… much happier about being a Coastopian, I have to say.
    Apologies for the length. BTW if we’re cluttering the board too much, feel free to contact me any time at ishie_sancho@yahoo.com. For anyone ELSE out there, I’m also open to discussion email. For anyone wanting to send hate mail, I’m a news administrator and a system operator, which means I guarantee you I’ve been called worse in about fifteen different languages.
    Ishie

    Reply
  227. Paul

    Ishie,
    Thanks for your insight and honest views. I think we may agree on many things even as we may disagree on others. But then, most of my wifes family (extended) is west coasties with quite liberal views. And the rest are in New England! So I differ with their views, but love them just as much. I still think if the media was less obviously liberal and a good candidate was found things may have been different.
    Maybe I will drop you a line – thanks for the invite.
    Paul
    PS Maybe I am not cut out for the internet – too easy to bash someone else because you can’t see them. I did get quite a chuckle about Star Trek. And my wife says hello. She was the one you posted your earlier response to. She is not lazy (can you be with 3 kids?) and she does read the bible. We don’t attend study groups and prefer to read it ourselves. But we know those who do, and I would agree with you on that point.

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  228. Ishtar

    2012? So specific. Any particular month? I want to know when to clear my calendar.
    Paul,
    Eh, no one is cut out for the internet, but it beats working. Now who’s lazy?
    It’s funny that you should mention the liberal media. I see it as a conservative media excepting the comedy of errors by CBS. Fox News of course, is second only to the 700 Club. But the others fall in line. They all have a habit of sucking up during press conferences, no matter who’s speaking.
    I think if we had a liberal media, we wouldn’t have this presidency. If Iraq had claimed we posed an imminent threat to them (which we obviously did) and bombed us pre-emptively, we’d have called it a broadscale terrorist attack. When we do it, we’re “bringing freedom and democracy”. All the excuses we’ve given for taking over Iraq have fallen flat. No WMDs (except the ones we lost), no links to 9/11, no evidence of wide funding of terrorist cells (why would Islamic fundamentalists associate with an obviously secular dictator?), no ‘easy in, easy out, few lives lost’, no freedom yet (martial law was just declared), no increased world safety (terrorism is at an all time high; it’s only a matter of time before we get nailed again). Every time he changed his story, the media should have been there to tear it apart, or AT LEAST make it as big a deal as Monica-gate?
    Nope. And we have money problems now… we’re supposed to tough it out because we’re at war… but we’re at war for no reason only now we’re too deep into it to easily pull out.
    I think the media has dropped the ball on this presidency. I think they were dropping it with Clinton, not only because of their focus on Monica-gate, but because of their lack of focus on other issues within the presidency that actually mattered, including the bad.
    Maybe the media isn’t liberal OR conservative. Maybe they’re just cowed and weak, more obsessed with pandering to celebrity to get good talk show guests rather than asking hard hitting questions? Of course we have widespread Crossfire phenomena in which the ‘media’ generally takes two stark raving lunatics from opposing sides and pits them against each other like fighting cocks. That only serves to further the country’s division because it helps convince people that everyone on the other side is as bats—insane as the pundits on these shows.
    Ishie

    Reply
  229. Tara

    I was introduced to this fantastic blog only today and am happy to know that I am not alone in my views. I gladly accept American Coastopia as the homeland of my heart despite its physical non-existence. It is comforting to know that there are people on earth (and in America) who have the greater good at heart. I thought it was a lost cause. I am honestly touched, slightly relieved and a little less fearful than I’ve been since the despot was re-elected. So here is proof that not only the youth can be “liberal.” I may only be 19, but the decisions that are made now will effect the greater part of my life.
    America Coastopia, I love you!

    Reply
  230. Barbara

    Was exhilarated by the long lines at the polls as I stood with my son for his first vote…even though since we live in Northern VA, we figured our vote wouldn’t overwhelm the Bush wave….Saddened by the fact that our electorate seems fundamentally uneducated and so easily pushed by fear. Our leaders are filled with fear and now have played upon the fears of the masses. Find it interesting that those of us who were closest to the events of 9/11 find 4 more years of “leadership” more fearful than what Bush et al have put out as truth.

    Reply
  231. Winsen

    A friend sent an email the other day saying he plans to put a bumper sticker on his car which says:
    THE TERRORIST I MOST FEAR
    … is in the White House

    Reply
  232. Nancy

    I am extremely lucky and relieved to live in the far N.W. region of Coastopia. But you know what? It is not far away enough. My daughter has suggested we get out some serious chainsaws and physically remove at least the state of Washington from the coast, then float it down somewhere near Hawaii. We will build a new society far away from the hellish future that W has in mind. God bless Coastopia Island!!

    Reply
  233. Zachary West

    I emigrated to Australia three days before the Iraq War because I was sick of 30+ years of Amerika moving to the religious right and destroying the fabric and foundation of what made America the light of the world for so long. This is the first concept that has any sense of being on the right track for America…the divisions are too strong, too stark to bring harmony ever again. It is no longer one nation, and never will be as long as the silent majority takes power and asserts its “rightness” on everyone else…the notion is so un-American, it’s almost satirical…except they have no sense of humor and no sense of irony.
    I’m all for Coastopia, and if it ever comes about, I might even think about returning to America…something I have no intention of ever doing given what we’ve seen.
    Hail to Coastopia.

    Reply
  234. Ralph

    It is amazing. We all live in a country where you get to voice these opinions and yet everyone goes to name-calling and cussing each other out.
    When people should work together you all want to secede. The only problem with that is how many years before your country starts these talks and secedes. In a couple decades we may have 50 countries instead of states because the easy way is to give up.
    If people really stood up for their beliefs, they would realize that running away is just letting the other side win. I am independent because I find both parties to be ridiculous.
    When you belong to either party you are expected to agree with everything the party does. Doesn’t take brains to be a lemming. It takes guts to be able to admit that maybe the other side does have some good points.
    I think the saddest thing in all these posts is talking of bombing states. That shows tremendous disrespect for those who lost their lives on 9/11. It also puts you in the same category as those responsible for 9/11.
    I guess you all have forgotten how tragic it really was.

    Reply
  235. Diana

    Hey, I live in Texas. How would you like to faithfully vote while knowing full well that your vote doesn’t count. And what’s with Kerry ceding the election before the votes are counted? I say let’s just run all the red necks out of the best locatiions and force them all to live in the “heartland.” We then put a large, Israeli-style fence around it and let them procreate to their hearts’ content.

    Reply
  236. MD_AD_USN

    AMERICAN COASTOPIA netizens you had better look county by county in your blue Shangri-La and you will soon realize you are nearly surrounded by red with the sea being your only real exit.

    Reply
  237. Scott

    You should think again about the land mass of your new country. Before you start taking every “blue state” with you, have a look at the true profile, county by county, of the states you are claiming as your own. Appears a left-wing New Yorker need only travel Upstate to find the Bush supporters you seem to despise….and a Californian need only turn from the coastline to find those who support a return to moral decency in this great America. Cut and paste the following to your browser:
    http://www.usatoday.com/news/politicselections/vote2004/countymap.htm

    Reply
  238. Jared

    As a conservative teenager from the bible belt, i hope u do leave… i would consider it good ridance. i wouldnt have to see married homosexuals walkin down the aisles at our walmarts anymore and i wouldnt have to worry about everyone creating a big stink just because god (yes! i did say the ‘g’ word) is mentioned in a text book. we would have conservative judges, conservative congressmen, and conservative presidents. and even though i would be said to see the tarheels go.. i would gladly give them up to get rid of 60-80% of the nation’s liberals.

    Reply
  239. Felicia

    No one seriously even considering the asylum thing?? Haven’t you even thought for a minute about having millions of radical anti-American Muslims amongst you? Invited in, no less….Not joking folks — I have no problem at all with other religions and belief systems, I just happen to not like those whose stated aim is to eradicate all who are not like them. Of course, the natural place for them to start that eradication would be in the very Heartland, wouldn’t you say? what with all those rabid Evangelicals. But wait! They have all those guns and mil. bases, as stated above — well, I guess the’re gonna’ need them.
    By the way, do you think it’s any coincidence that the centers of higher learning, financial centers, etc., are mostly in the Blue States?? Frankly, the Reds have shown themselves to be simplistic (dumb) morons…. (to this very day, they’re still arguing for Creationism! Get a clue, people!!) If you had an open mind at all, had any education at all, you would know that the Bible was written by MAN — many men — over centuries, and most with some political or social agenda of their own (clue: reading history might also help you to understand this). It was never meant to be taken LITERALLY, fools !! –and you would know this if you ever read anything ELSE (which might also broaden your minds, but yo’, that would threaten your world, wouldn’t it?.)
    Did you ever hear that expression, “religion is the opiate of the people”? Whether it’s radical Christianity, or radical Islam, it’s dangerous if people don’t learn to THINK FOR THEMSELVES, but lazily fall back into a religion that does the thinking for them (“It’s so because God/Buddha/Ishtar/(Daddy)” says so!!” For heaven’s sake, learn to think for yourselves!!!!

    Reply
  240. carlos

    I live in Europe, but I lived for more than 10 years in New York.
    I feel like a newyorker. I would not go to the current USA, but to the Coastopia!!
    Please, secede and come back to be the great and plentyfull nation where I fall in love, where I study and played.
    More than ever you need to reclaim the beautiful america we all have in our minds, not the Bush idea about what’s right or wrong!!
    Please, do it soon, you can count on me.
    carlos

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  241. Erika

    I highly recommend that everyone read “Bush On The Couch: Inside the Mind of the President”. It will scare the shit out of most people in the Blue States.
    People in the Red States, of course, just won’t “get” it. Or they won’t know what to think about it until Fox/Fascist News tells them what to think.

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  242. istandthewatch

    If you’re so dissatisfied living here in the greatest Country in the world, then pack your bags and get out. Unless you’ve picked up a rifle and served your Country, defending the very freedom that allows you to write such droll, then you should quit you bitchin. Of course your vote counts, everyone

    Reply
  243. Dick

    “Istandthewatch” ….. Did someone on Fox/Fascist News Channel tell you to say that?
    So …..all those moralistic, gun-toting rednecks who wanted Bush and his war so badly, why aren’t they all running to enlist and defend their country?? (By the way, I did serve, asshole…. and Kerry did us a favor!)

    Reply
  244. Anonymous

    Secession. Yeah, that worked out great last time. Crack an history books lately?
    And do you really believe that Iowa has enough produce to feed you all? Starvation and rioting will claim far more lives than our inevitable “redneck” militia/armies ever could. Personally, if I had to pick a winner of the New Civil War, I’d choose a hillbilly with a sawed-off over a skeet-shooting pansy any day of the week (and twice on Sunday). If you want to be on a losing team twice, fine by me.
    Do you really believe the U.S. government, your government, would stand by idly and let secession occur? I realize this post stems from being sore about your pony losing the Presidential race, but if your candidate couldn’t prevail against a retard, what does that say about your candidate?
    Oh wait. This post must be a joke in which some readers were too bitter and dense to see the humor. Now I understand (it takes me a bit longer, as I am an uncultured redneck).
    ~

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  245. Ishtar

    If you’re so dissatisfied living here in the greatest Country in the world, then pack your bags and get out.
    Why? I’m in Coastopia already. Much of your “greatest country in the world” already wants nothing to do with California, so maybe we should leave. We’re the seventh strongest economy in the world. I think we’ll do just fine.
    “Unless you’ve picked up a rifle and served your Country, defending the very freedom that allows you to write such droll, then you should quit you bitchin.”
    My family has fought to defend this country; they are not pro-Bush. Since I believe in freedom and don’t believe in enforcing “US Supremacy” on nations, I find this war to be very anti-freedom. Why would I sign up to fight a war I disagree with? Terrorists are one thing. But if I am invading a country, and someone in that country is shooting at me, how am I supposed to kill them when I don’t think I should be there in the first place, knowing that if an invading soldier came through my neighborhood, I’d shoot at him? It’s wrong.
    “Of course your vote counts, everyone

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  246. dave

    Your map bums me out. It belies the fact that very close to half of us here in the great backwater did NOT vote for Bush, and also ignores the equally signigficant fact that nearly half of you on the enlightened coasts did!
    Please don’t be so quick to divide us.

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  247. kevin

    It’s obvious but often overlooked, that not everyone in the “red” states votes Republican or supports Bush. I certainly don’t and I am a lifelong Oklahoman.
    While it’s certainly tough to know that the majority of the country would relegate me to second class citizen and it would be so much easier to live in a “friendly” area of the country, I feel compelled to stay here and be who I am. Not a role model, not a designated representative, but just a guy who is gay and trying to live his life.
    Someone has to be here to remind others that there is another point of view, a different belief about how we fit into the world. There are so many of us, we should be able to make a difference. That’s my goal.
    Please remember us when you (unintentionally, I’m sure) dismiss those in the “red” states or the middle of the country.

    Reply
  248. Mary Rasp

    Please take Michigan. We’re a BLUE state, including lots of blue water and great universitys. (I don’t care what my sister/fellow citzens at U of M say, we at Michigan State are going too…)

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  249. Mary Rasp

    Please take Michigan. We’re a BLUE state, including lots of blue water and great universitys. (I don’t care what my sister/fellow citzens at U of M say, we at Michigan State are going too…)

    Reply
  250. istandthewatch

    Ishtar,
    Glad I solicited such a long post! Put a smile on my face for the rest of the day. We could joust back-n-forth indefinitely, but I will go back to my job because that takes precedence. I was amazed by this blog when it was forwarded to me – I’ve said my peace – now I’ll move on to reality. Feel free to say whatever you want about me now that I’m gone. Good luck to you in your quest to find a decent country.

    Reply
  251. Real American

    Sorry there is legislation preventing any states from seceding which includes any land thereof…sorry liberals you cannot have any imaginary nation….buh-bye

    Reply
  252. Scott

    Felicia, I encourage you to read The Case for a Creator, by Lee Strobel. I’d also suggest reading the book of Romans in the New Testament. I’m certainly not going to preach, but I do hope you find that the Bible is relevant today, and that God is real and has a purpose for each of us. Maybe we should all set political differences aside and focus on more important issues that have eternal significance. God bless.

    Reply
  253. Steve

    uuuuuhhhhhhhh, can key west join you guys. liberate the keys, you need a tropical paradise, and us parrotheads are sick of the bush bros.
    thanx

    Reply
  254. badbobusnret

    Please, please “istandthewatch” and “Ishtar” (Ishie) stop your fighting.
    I propose a remedial action plan:
    istandthewatch- you hire Ishie as your “secretary” (see Ishie’s post), pay her well and then maybe you can get to, quote, “do her” (she’s not gay- read her post).
    And we can all go back to being one big happy country! With Republicans on top of course……

    Reply
  255. Jim Sullivan

    You crybaby leftists, go on and seceed. We’d LOVE to be rid of you! Be sure to take D.C. with you. As has happened with your other centers of blueness, you’re currently turning Mexifornia into a political/social toilet. Can’t blame its coming demise on us. I predict that within a generation you’ll be borrowing heavily from our hugely successful economic powerhouse because 90% of your population will be homeless and constantly rioting for bread and circuses.

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  256. Sickoftheselfrighteous

    Could you please include the northern half of Ohio? Water is plentiful and so are Democrats and others that don’t think only of themselves. Let the Cincinnatians have the muddy, polluted Ohio River. They want it that way! They like it that way! Dirty water, dirty air- good for the economy and corporate polluters. If only Coastopia were real….

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  257. Ishtar

    istandthewatch- you hire Ishie as your “secretary” (see Ishie’s post), pay her well and then maybe you can get to, quote, “do her” (she’s not gay- read her post).
    ———
    Thus proving there’s more than one way to get carpal tunnel syndrome.
    If I’m to be paid well, can I just skip the secretarial part and buzz over to Nevada to get the license? Boyfriend might get miffed though…
    Ishie

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  258. Please-LEAVE

    Subject to a few modifications — GREAT!
    1) You can’t have Iowa — check the map again — it went RED. You can, however, bus your folks out of the state into the coastal reaches. No food — tough. Maybe we’ll sell you some.
    2) I don’t believe in collective punishment — you can’t have the Red counties in California, Oregon, Washington or Pennsylvania. You are limited to a strip of land about 100 miles wide along the entire length of the Pacific Coast — everything else went Red — check the county results map. Plus, the Amish don’t support gay marriage — you only get about 5% of the Pennsylvania landmass.
    3) We get to bus our folks out of Wisconsin, upper New York and New Hampshire — again, that collective punishment thing. However, the rest of New England is yours for the taking.
    Now you just have to fool the Canadians into thinking it would be a good idea to take in a whole boatload of useful idiots like yourselves…..

    Reply
  259. TJ WILLIAMS

    We here at LACMA are happy to be living in America Coastopia!!!!
    I’m so happy to finally feel like a true citizen.
    I want a T-Shirt!!!!!

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  260. Tess

    I’m in Florida and so you know…Dade and Broward counties voted for Kerry…can’t we come too????? Please don’t leave South Florida out…you can leave Central and North with the USA but include us with America Coastopia…we have a nice beach to offer… :)

    Reply
  261. Twin Cellars

    Are you taking your ball and going home?????
    We all effect the world around us!
    You rant and rave but do you do anything? Do you inconvenience yourself to help another? Are you wrapped up in yourself?
    Please Leave!
    Years ago on Earth Day, They created enough trash that it took three days to cart it away. We don’t need more hotair speechs form the do nothing people.
    Just try to help someone today! Nothing hard….MAYBE JUST A KIND WORD, HOLD A DOOR FOR SOMEONE, etc….you get the idea…..
    If you can’t, PLEASE LEAVE because the majority has spoken whether right or wrong!!!!!
    President Kennedy said “ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country”. If the country is going the wrong way, WHY DON”T YOU RUN FOR SOMETHING and give us your leadership skills!!!! STOP WHINING YOU BUNCH OF IMMATURE CHILDREN! Please Leave!!!
    TFMK

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  262. Ishtar

    Hmm… I often inconvenience myself to help others. I even give money to people who need it without convincing myself they’re going to use it to buy drugs, yelling at them to get a job, or refusing to donate on the grounds that I’m “contributing to a welfare state”.
    I could be wrong, but you make it sound like the majority has spoken on doing nice things for other people? I must have missed the “random acts of kindness” proposition. Damn butterfly ballots.
    To be perfectly honest, while there is a difference in where the efforts go, I have seen fairly equal charitability among “conservatives” and “liberals”.
    Ishie

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  263. Liza

    I just had to put in my two cents regarding statement that Bush is “VERY anti-poverty and very pro-violence. I see this as a contradiction to values expressed in the New Testament”
    Is the New Testament pro-poverty?
    BTW, Bush didn’t declare war: al-Qaida did, on September 11, 2001. Remember? They didn’t distinguish between Republicans, Democrats, Whites, Blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Homosexuals or Heterosexuals. Nearly 3000 people were presumed dead as a result.
    JK never promised to extradite troops from Iraq. In fact, he has historically supported US involvement:
    1997

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  264. Larryk

    Hey,
    Please take Wisconsin in Coastopia, too!! We have a lot of coast line, and we went blue this time around… If we could join coastopia, I’m sure it would convince the reactionaries here to move to the other America, the one I am sick of being identified with.

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  265. Uncle Jed from the sticks

    Hey all you liberal pussies in Coastopia, forget the foo foo and latte, how about a nice steaming cup of shut the fuck up. The next time some terrorist asshole attempts to, or actually succeeds in committing a terrorist act on Coastopian soil (your the likely target) and your lives are disrupted, why don’t you call on the president of Coastopia to come to your defense. I realize that for some of you Coastopia is only a state of mind, while others really believe this shit could happen. Either way, don’t call John Kerry to bail you out, he couldn’t have helped you even if he had been elected president… a traitor with no backbone. Don’t worry though, there are a lot of my kind out there in the Hinterland and throughout Coastopia (the ones with the guns, the backbone and the military experience) that won’t let you bleeding heart liberal-minded artsy fartsy types ruin this country with your immoral values. You are weak. You either take it up the ass with a smile on your face or condone those that do. If the Coastopian crowd had been running the country at the outset of WWII, we’d all be speaking German today. You peaceniks are a bunch of whining, sniveling, pansies. The next time you see some poor soul on TV about to be be-headed, remember that the best defense is a good offense. You must seek out evil and destroy evil on its own turf, before it engulfs you on yours. Surely you panty waisted homos can remember the class bully beating the crap out of you during recess. You couldn’t reason with him and you were terrified. All you wanted to do was hide in an imaginary place where everything was wonderful and without pain. In reality, it took someone bigger and meaner, on the side of good, to kick the everloving shit out of him before he stopped being the bully. That’s where I am coming from. You can’t let the bullies of the world scare you off and you cannot hide your head in the land of fairies. If there are any of you Coastopians out there that would like to reconsider your weak minded position and join us in the fight for truth, justice and the American way then stand tall behind our president and support him. You liberal freaks that would rather stagnate in Coastopian dogma, stay out of the way and let us real Americans fight your battles for you. There are a bunch of real Americans overseas right now fighting your battles so that you can sit around in your bathrobes and sip your latte. They are young warriors, my son is one, who believe in the moral values that were behind the relection of “W”. Someday these young men and women will assume the role of America’s military, politcal and business leaders. All the while, the citizens of Coastopia will still be wondering why their candidate lost, why they are so unhappy and unfortunately, continue to wallow in their collective self pity down in the heartland of Coastopia.

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  266. Chris

    Isn’t it cool the moral values thing? I love anyone who has the balls to be anti-abortion and pro war. Christians are so wonderfully hypocritical. Thou Shalt Not Kill…well…surely god didn’t mean ALL the time. I mean…surely it’s okay sometimes, right? I’m not saying I don’t think war is right, because well, I’m not Christian. For those of you out there who are bible thumpers and yet war mongers? What the heck? Do you read the book you “live your life by”? When is the bible belt going to realize they’re a bunch of frigging posers.
    For the record, conservative zealots, my state voted for “dubbuya”. God help us all.
    As for the LIBERAL states being targets? BULL! The target is AMERICA and the fact that AMERICA always LOOOOOVES to get into everybody’s crap. Look at us now. Do we REALLY think invading another country is going to stop terrorists? THIS IS PRECISELY THE ACTIVITIES THAT CAUSE THEM TO ATTACK US!!!
    In the immortal words of homer…SAVE ME JEEBAS!!

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  267. Ishtar

    “Is the New Testament pro-poverty?”
    It’s pro helping the poor, and doesn’t seem to have high favor of the rich.
    “BTW, Bush didn’t declare war: al-Qaida did, on September 11, 2001. Remember?”
    Actually, they both did, and I wasn’t anti-war on Afghanistan since they were actively harboring the terrorists, remember?
    Bush declared war on Iraq. For no real reason. Even the US government has admitted finding no links to al-Qaeda (though I’m sure there are plenty now!). Being attacked does not justify attacking other people. If a fundamentalist Christian kills my kid, I do not have the right to find some liberal Christian who had nothing to do with it who just happens to be a complete a-hole (Saddam’s regime was hardly fundie Islam. He paid lip service to the religion, but was the stereotype of a generic secular dictator) and bash him in the skull with a bat.
    If Bush is so intent on killing people, why didn’t he keep the bulk of troops in Afghanistan to finish off Osama (who, by his latest video is looking not only alive, but healthier). And if he really wants to find the source of terror, maybe he needs to hold his Saudi buddies a little more accountable. The vast majority of the 9/11 suicide bombers (remember them?) were Saudis.
    “Nearly 3000 people were presumed dead as a result.”
    And this is how Bush attempted to play us to distract attention from the real killers to invade Iraq. Some of us remember 9/11 well enough to remember whodunit.
    “JK never promised to extradite troops from Iraq. In fact, he has historically supported US involvement:”
    He’s primarily laid down for the president, as has the rest of congress. Do I approve of this? Heck no, and I think the Democrats were smoking crack to put up such a weak bunch of candidates. I would not, however, use my ire at that weakness to attempt to malign a war hero, particularly when I have never fought.
    “Iraq had the potential to pose a WW threat (as does N Korea)”
    You’re comparing Iraq’s potential to NK??? Even when we went in the first time, they didn’t pose a “World Wide Threat”. They posed a threat to their immediate neighbors, which is not good, but is also unique to probably over half the countries on earth. If we want to look at a potentially scary conflict between countries with dirty nuclear bombs, let’s look at India and Pakistan?
    “and the track record of mass murder (estimates from Human Rights Watch indicate as many as 290,000 Iraqis were killed by Saddam during his reign, with 100,000 Kurds slaughtered in 1988.)”
    The Republicans have increased trade relations vastly with China while essentially ignoring their human rights records. How many people has the Chinese government slaughtered?
    Ishie

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  268. Ishtar

    Hey Uncle Jed, shouldn’t you still be huddled in your Y2K bunker? Those guns aren’t going to stockpile themselves! Dammit man, get with the program! Any second now the commie hoards (sponsored from within the treachery of Coastopia) are going to come swarming over the hills, and you’re risking an internet connection?? That’ll tell them where the base is!!! They’re going to come right to us and take our frigging Bibles, are you mad!?
    How the heck can you support Bush anyway? That little namby pamby ain’t never done a day of fighting in his life and he’s made gestures to support civil unions! He’s just as much of a pinko as that Fonda-ite Kerry!
    GOD bless America (And no place else!!)
    Ishie (Whew, sorry, Pat Robertson used his Satanic powers to speak through me for a second)

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  269. Dan

    I, also, pledge allegiance to Coastopia. Unfortunately, I currently reside in Winston-Salem, NC, but I am originally from California.
    To “badbobusnret”, “MD_DD_USN”, “Real American” (two sailors, who are probably gay, and one imbecile who actually believes the title that he uses), et al: Good for you that you actually THINK you won the election! It speaks toward your delusion. As for guns and military bases being in the red states, that assumes that the people manning them are Bush supporters, and thus lacking the mental capacity to know how to use them! To “Jared”: If you are such a devout Christian, for Christ’s sake learn to capitilize the word “God”!
    For far better comments directed at these “Americans”, refer to my daughter “Ishie’s” posts on this site!
    LONG LIVE COASTOPIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Dan

    Reply
  270. Thomas J. Brown

    The “Made in USA” stamp on the preview of the Coastopia T-shirt made me laugh.
    I live in Eastern Washington state and boy howdy, some people here are fucking morons (wait, did I just say, “boy howdy”? I’ve lived here too long). Anyway, you might want to consider kicking Spokane (and the

    Reply
  271. Chris

    That is the biggest bunch of bullshit I have ever seen. If the liberal idiots did secede from America, they would not be able to call themselves Americans. And how about this thought? If the libs did secede, how would they defend themselves? Liberals are the ones that want no one in America to have guns or use violence to enforce anything. The first time the idiots pissed the True Americans off, the True Americans would quickly overrun the liberals, pimp-slap them, and destroy any resistence. Trust me, a secession from the “True America” would eventually end in a reunification and the liberals looking as stupid as they did after the election.
    Maybe instead of Coastopia, you should call yourselves New France. Simply pathetic.

    Reply
  272. Annie

    “Moby”–
    I wonder why you needed to feel better in the first place? Isn’t the whole world going your way? Aren’t you “totally psyched”? Can’t you just *not even wait* for the next four years to start? Whoops, wow, it’s already started! Geez. Now I feel better because–well, because someone like you is gonna look out for me. I’m afraid of guns–eeek! I juss wanna ignore reality and stay inside and read philosophy books.
    But–wait! Plato says, Since the key to the success of the whole is the wisdom of the rulers who make decisions for the entire city, the perfect society will occur only when kings become philosophers or philosophers are made kings. For only those with a philosophical temperament are competent to judge between what merely seems to be the case and what really is. (Republic 473d) And that makes me think of those weapons of mass destruction in Iraq that SEEMED to be there, but actually WEREN’T. (funny how no one’s disputing that). Soooo, THAT makes me feel like B**h really couldn’t, you kno,w judge what merely SEEMED to be the case, and what WAS. And now we’re in a world of shit because of his gross lack of judgment…
    But I guess I don’t know enough because I’ve never picked up a rifle to defend this country…but wait…I thought B**h/Cheney/Ashcroft/Rove hadn’t either…but ah guess ah juss don’t know…
    BTW Uncle Jeb–did you happen to notice that people started getting beheaded on TV right about a year AFTER the US invaded Iraq? Interesting, idn’t it?

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