Believe it or not, but in the 31st week of our pregnancy, we’re switching doctors. Not because our old doctor was bad or anything – in fact, he is world-famous at his position – but the thought of going into labor in Park Slope, Brooklyn and trying to get through the worst rush hour traffic in America to 168th Street in Upper Canada, Manhattan was too much to fit into our puny four-dimensional minds.
While at the new doctor’s waiting room, I was sitting near this gigantic old woman who erupted into that wet, gargantuan, disgusting Medieval cough that was SURELY laced with typhoid, cholera, yellow fever and The Grippe. It was one of those coughs where you try to hold your breath for a few minutes to let it dissipate; if my pregnant wife weren’t so damned hearty, I would have whisked her out of there and sprayed Purell into her lungs.
All of which reminded me of my Favorite Places to Get the Flu. I’ve lived a little while longer since I made the first list, so I’d like to add a few sites that might do the trick:
1. the sneeze guard at the Elizabeth, NJ Ikea cafeteria
2. the M23 bus pole during morning rush hour along 23rd st
3. our pediatrician’s office on Joralemon Street
4. the pen for signing Visa bills at the Yaffa Café on St. Marks Place
5. the copy of New York Newsday on the seat of the 2 train heading out of Manhattan
6. the cab door handle out front of the Chelsea Clearview Cinemas
7. the divot where the cashier tosses you a subway token at the 125th St. A-train station
8. the game basketball at the W. 4th St. courts
9. the “START PRINTING” button on the Rite Aid copy machine on Hudson Avenue
10. the open vats of salsa at La Taqueria
11. the enclosed Room of Plastic Balls at the McDonald’s Playland
12. the “going up” button on the elevator at Columbia Presbyterian Hosptial
13. the public phone, platform 2, at the LIRR station on Atlantic Avenue
14. plastic tub of not-individually-wrapped forks, 8th Avenue Deli
and yes, the best is still
15. tonguing drunk sailor at the Manhole during Fleet Week!
Have I missed any?