Man, why are some Americans so goldurn stupid? A report comes out that interrogators had flushed copies of the Koran down the toilet in order to intimidate inmates at Guantanamo, and a few hours later, my old roommate Jiffer is dodging bullets in Jalalabad, Afghanistan. I’ll let today’s email from her speak for itself:
While walking across the compound to the cars we heard loud (close) machine gun fire. the security guy screams “bunker!” so we scurry back to the office and wait there… Ten minutes later, they say it is clear, a second attempt, more gunfire and we are back in the bunker. Soon the whole staff files in and a guard is eerily told to take down all of our names. The cause of the demonstrations, we learn, as we sit in the bunker, is apparently news from a recent returnee from the illegal prison in Guantanamo that Americans flushed Korans down the toilet. Riots broke out – we stayed in the bunker for an hour.
Word that the demonstration was moving in the opposite direction led security to throw us into the back of two cars, fly down the unpaved backroads and to the airport to catch our flight. we arrived at the airport amidst the sound of more gunfire and flew out in our little eight-seater over clouds of black smoke.
Reports have come in saying that the governors office and the human rights office and the red cross have been burnt to the ground. still unconfirmed. The rest of the UN staff was evacuated to the military base. They may be evacuating Logar, Wardak, Panjshir, Kandahar and other provinces because everyone is up in arms about Koran flushing – apparently demonstrations started yesterday in Pakistan. After unconfirmed rumors of an explosive devise here this morning, we are not allowed to go out at all. home. or others’ homes. and stay there… all this before noon today.
All I have to say to the people running The War On Terror: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? What vital piece of information on future attacks could POSSIBLY have been gleaned from flushing a Koran down the shitter? Was it like, “oh, I wasn’t going to tell you about our secret camp in Syria, but now that you’ve flushed my holy book down the latrine, I know you mean business”?
The Muslim world already thinks we’re a bunch of smug fuckholes who torture prisoners, and now this? And don’t give me the “we have to use extreme measures in this crisis” bullshit – everybody knows that Guantanamo’s info started getting stale about two months after the War on Terror started. Get us some information, you assholes, instead of desecrating an object guaranteed to enrage at least 1 billion people without any upside.
Jiffer is over there! I’ve got a baby daughter! I cross the Manhattan Bridge every day! GET US SOME PERTINENT COUNTER-INTELLIGENCE AND STOP PISSING MUSLIMS OFF FOR NO REASON!!!
As for this Bible-thumping administration, and, coincidentally, the drooling morons trying to force Creationism into the Kansas school system, I admit that I canceled my own protest in the bathroom tonight. I know that the Guantanamo folks flushed a Koran, but I’m not stupid enough to force my Bible in there. I may be a bleeding-heart lefty, but I’m not going to pay for a fucking plumber.
[update: Newsweek has basically retracted the story. I take the rant back if it was indeed false.]