and shut up about your CARS already


I know this has become Music Retrospective Week here on the blog (to a chorus of yawns) but when you’ve got 150 channels of XM Radio at your disposal, you occasionally have an epiphany or three. Again, I forced myself to listen to Top 20 on 20, which is a good way to get the Cliff Notes to what the teens are listening to this week – and #1 is this utter piece of godawful shit called “Oh” by Ciara featuring Ludacris.

Vaguely set in a minor key with no chords, it’s the dullest way to spend five minutes short of the DMV. While Ciara moans in unison with a torridly hackneyed sample, Ludacris occasionally chimes in to talk about how they’ve just made another hit. Like most songs of this genre (including #2, “Get it Poppin'” by, of course, Fat Joe featuring Nelly) they are songs only about themselves, or about getting a six-pack of bitches from da club and boning the hottest one. It’s not offensive, it’s worse than offensive: it’s boring.


Ciara – a poor man’s BeyoncĂ©?

Two songs was all I could take, so I switched to the 80s channel in time to hear “Tonight, Tonight” by Genesis, and was promptly reminded that the music of 2005 by no means has the copyright on crap – “Tonight, Tonight” is another hunk of terrible shit, squeezed out of Genesis in the death throes of the band’s shelf life. I should know: Julianna Hofeld and I camped out for tickets to this show in mid-winter in front of the Dean Dome in 1988.

“Tonight, Tonight” even has a freaky “instrumental” section, a half-hearted, terrible collection of synth noises that, I guess, was the band’s desperate lunge into their prog-rock past (even as the song was used by Budweiser). It is a guaranteed depressant, and Phil Collins even sings “And now I’m in too deep” even though he used the line in about three other songs.

This is the fifth time I’ve heard that goddamn song on XM Radio, and it has led me to wonder why all the wrong shit gets dredged up from the past, much like “Oh” by Ciara featuring Ludacris will serve to embarrass some other blogger in 2022.

Even Pink Floyd is getting back together (sans Syd, sadly) for world tour of slow songs and, I’d imagine, lasers. But there’s a few things I’d like to bring back that everyone seems to have looked over:

1. Supertramp – Now this is a band I’d drop everything to go see. Sure, P.T. Anderson put “Goodbye Stranger” on the “Magnolia” soundtrack, but this band has so many hidden gems: “Bloody Well Right,” “The Logical Song,” “Take the Long Way Home,” “Dreamer,” even “It’s Raining Again.” Supertramp, where are you guys?

2. Planet P – “Why Me?” – Only those of you glued to MTV during the first few months will remember this one, but it’s an awesome, dark pop song with an equally creepy video. If they can play “Major Tom Part 2″ into the ground, why can’t I get some Planet P?

3. Jane Child – “Don’t Want to Fall in Love” – This song was so frickin’ insane when it came out around 1990 that Linda’s – a bar in Chapel Hill that was no stranger to some crazy shit – actually fell silent to watch the video. Featuring more chord changes than “The Rite of Spring” and a piano solo that KICKS ASS, she should still be famous. Alas, you’ll probably only remember her as the chick who had a chain from her nose ring to her ear.

Any other bands/songs you’d like brought back? And they can’t be obvious!