Okay, CODE WORD. Too tired for a regular blog, so let’s do a meme. Other people always have five questions, today will be two.
1. What is the worst job you’ve ever had?
2. What is the worst job you’ve ever seen someone else have?
I’ll go first:
1. Worst job I ever had was delivering pizzas for Gumby’s in Chapel Hill, NC during the summer of 1990. Driving pies is the single most lonely goddamn experience of your entire life, especially in the pre-iPod era when you were sick of all your mix tapes.
Your car ages in dog years, basically exploding by the third month – stops and starts all day long, worse than a Manhattan taxi because you keep on having to turn the engine over. Add in a parking ticket every other day, and buying a new car after 12 months, and it’s a job where you actually lose money.
Oh, and that fantasy about some girls in the dorm fucking the pizza guy? Let me tell you this: not that I desired female contact, but the “pizza guy” is barely humanoid to these people. You are in an untouchable caste so far down the ladder of desirability that you stink of don’t-touch-me. This job made my stint as a dishwasher in Norfolk, VA seem like a birthday party.
2. a) Worst job I’ve seen around here? That would have to be roof-tarrer. Or whatever they call themselves. In the mid-summer, when it’s already pushing 100 degrees, these guys have to pour 200-degree tar on the tops of Manhattan roofs without any shade. In order to spread it out evenly, they use these long-hair yarn mops, a tool last seen cleaning up barf in the basement of the YMCA.
This lasts all day – unless of course it rains, in which case they have to do it all over again. The tar, by the way, has to be fume-rampant carcinogen, and the workers can bathe themselves in iodine and still not get the smell out of their skin. They stick with this job through the worst weather North America has to offer, and they can’t wear shorts or T-shirts for fear of getting scalded. And since it needs to be above 50 degrees for the tar to set, they’re out of a job for half the year.
2. b) Coke whore. But I thought that was obvious.