rid and nix

6/28/05

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Yep, I’m just a lonely driver. Looking for meaning. The vast countryside stretches out like an unwritten haiku. O, what does it all mean?

Is it twee?

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Is it Jude?

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Is it fast female fashions™?

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Or should I even care?

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Southern kudzu o’erruns all, leaving giant green monsters mid-strike, a leafy diorama. Do they have the answers?

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Yet breaststroking through the department store of life, I finally found the aisle I was looking for.

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0 thoughts on “rid and nix

  1. jordi

    ian, i can’t believe you didn’t even mention that raymond and sean were both drafted to the SAME NBA team last night… and that this selfsame team is in charlotte! go bobheels! tarcats?

    Reply
  2. kent

    Heh, I think you’re having the same bad hair day i am. We’ll have to have a bad hair contest in utah.

    Reply
  3. Tanya

    I agree with Jordi! When I arrived this morning, I quickly logged on to xtcian.com to read your reaction to last night’s draft.
    Ah, the road is already taking its toll…
    How cool would it be (and damn lucrative to boot) if Melvin, Jawad AND Jackie ended up in Charlotte?
    Hoo, boy, that’d be a ticket I’d happily purchase.

    Reply
  4. Ian

    Suzie- I wish!
    As for the draft, I am interested only in two ways:
    1) Dean Smith always said “You go to college to get a job,” (which is why he never begrudged a player for going pro) and I’m thrilled our boys have great jobs. Especially Raymond – I’ve been to Latta, SC and it ain’t pretty. I’m so happy for him.
    2) It impacts recruiting well. Frankly, I can’t understand why any high school baller would want to go anywhere else but UNC, but there’s no accounting for taste.
    I guess I’ll have to get used to caring about the NBA. First purchase: a Bobcats jersey!

    Reply
  5. Rebecca

    Ian: I promise to never do this again. I generally don’t forward joke emails as a rule, but this made me think of you and Coastopia. As you drive through the deep south, towards the promise land (HA!), I thought this would make you laugh. Drive safely!
    Dear Red States:
    We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us.
    In case you aren’t aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
    To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
    We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
    We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
    We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss.
    We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
    We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
    Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
    Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their children’s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire.
    With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
    With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
    We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
    Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
    By the way, we’re taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
    Sincerely,
    Author Unknown in New California

    Reply

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