Dearest J Boogie:
You are, in many ways, why the internet doesn’t work. Every living organism needs its nasty rotavirus, and it seems as if you are ours. Your mean-spirited, reactionary, crazy-ass wingnut ramblings used to be purely philosophical, but have recently degenerated into calling attention to perceived problems with my appearance, which has turned your comments from merely wrong to lamentably pathetic.
I have given you a long, long leash, especially when I can delete anything you say with the merest click of the mouse. I have allowed you to ramble on in this forum, mostly because I think your argumentative tone – as well as your opinions – are so twisted that they actually lend credence to my side of the spectrum by comparison. In essence, you’ve always been an unbelievably rude cad, but I’ve come to enjoy your occasional outbursts of effluvium powered by the blood of the unbelievers.
But you have grown tiresome, drunk with the power of anonymity that I, ironically, keep giving you. First, a word about my face: it has always been fat, even when I’m skinny. I have the hugest head in North America; nary a hat fits me. Badly-cropped pictures make me look like a bloated fool, but in person, my large-headedness has served to keep me looking preternaturally young. Not that it has been all cakes and roses (I still get carded), but something nice to have around as I approach my 40th birthday in a few years.
And, to validate another one of your criticism, I indeed am “pill-popping,” that is, if one pill of Celexa thrown into my mouth around midnight each night constitutes “popping.” Guilty as charged. I might also tell you that I “pop” an Allopurinol (300 mg) every night, which as Neva can tell you, is because I have gout.
But, in all seriousness, enough about me. I would not normally call you out like this, or even dignify your “comments” with a blog, but quite frankly, you’re bumming out my wife. And a lot of my friends, at least the ones that don’t think that you’re actually Lindsay writing in disguise.
So I’ll make a deal with you. I will continue to abide your rancor and allow you to say whatever you want (as long as it doesn’t slag other individuals, which has always been the rule here), if you provide a link to a web page with some personal info about – or a picture of – you. As Andy Partridge says, I’ve “wobbled my pork about” on these pages for years, so I get to say whatever I want. But I’m afraid you must pay for your venality by giving up some of your anonymity.
So provide us some kind of biographical information, and/or post a picture – it can be anything you like. And don’t provide a link to the RNC, or aborted fetuses, or someone who isn’t you, as it will be as obvious as a fart in a car. Step up to the plate and unveil at least a small part of yourself, and you can have your say on this website as long as it exists.
If not, I’m afraid you’ll be asked to leave. I think it only fair.