this little piggy made me puke


I wasn’t going to write a blog, because I think there’s only about fourteen people on the Web today, but I just saw all this press about the new surge in flip-flop popularity, and never one to miss having my finger on the carotid artery of pop culture, I have to weigh in.

To wit: I cannot fucking stand men in flip-flops. Sandals are bad enough, but flip-flops make my fucking skin crawl. It’s fine at the beach, or somewhere utterly casual, but when men start wearing them to red carpet affairs and to the various meetings we have, I have to draw the line. Step up, gentlemen! I wore shoes to your meeting, and so should you. Your hairy toes and disgusting Man Toenails are so distracting that I can’t think.

Call me an old fart, but there’s something disrespectful about the flip-flop away from casual environments. Women can wear them all they want, because their feet are generally pampered (and sexy) but men’s toes should be heard and not seen. By the way, it’s not always appropriate for women either – when the Northwestern women’s lacrosse team wore flip-flops to the White House, I was disgusted. I hate Bush as much as your average thinking, sensitive American, but you can bet I would have worn shoes to his home.

Now, doctors are saying flip-flops destroy your heels and ruin your career. What else do you need to know?

Solution? If you absolutely fucking HAVE to go without socks, try those Keen Newport Sandals that Kent, gay men, and I like:


Your feet will have all the oxygen they need, and you can keep them the hell away from me. Frickin’ YUCK!