portrait of the artist as a 19-month old



We’re steeling ourselves for the holidays and the weather here in New York, but mostly we’re in a holding pattern waiting for the unfathomably pregnant Jordana to give birth to their son. She’s already pretty much effaced, a few centimeters dilated, and, I imagine, quite miserable. No possible way this event will hold off until the due date of December 17; the baby will be 15 pounds by then. So we’re in a wait-and-see mode because nobody wants to induce, either. C’mon, kiddo, it’s time! Lucy wants a tiny cousin!

The night before last, we carried on a new tradition of making Padsicles™ for the mother-to-be. These literally saved Tessa’s ass after her delivery, and we’ve made several sets since. It’s apparently a divine secret mixture of clear aloe vera, witch hazel and lavender applied to a maxi-pad and then stuck in the freezer, and will no doubt be Tessa’s contribution to the pantheon of child-bearing.


Tessa, Jordi and Sean work the Padsicle™ assembly line

Being in Brooklyn – and inside – means Lucy gets to spend almost every afternoon with Hank, usually to explosive effect. Those two are like bumper cars being driven by coke addicts. Basically, we set them loose in the house, and they run 15 miles in random loops, pausing only to hear Nell read “The Night Before Christmas” (which Hank refers to as the book about “Nick”).


Lucy tries to get Hank to be serious about the bass clef of Bach’s Partita in E Major

Being inside may have also kicked Lucy’s language skills into high gear. She’s using complex sentences now, and surprising us every day by busting something cool. My recent favorite was when she came into my bedroom and said, “I’m making you eggs.”

Never mind she was a whole floor away from the kitchen and can’t reach the stove, I liked how she laid down some skillz with the subject-verb-indirect object-verb. Also, she said “I” – which is a nice segue from the usual third-person “Lucy is all wet” kind of thing that she still uses. Other faves:

“I’m going get Kirsty and be right back” (Kirsty is her doll)

“Socks are in the bed. Socks are funny!”

“Daddo put on Lucy’s purple pantapoons.”

When walking into the empty kitchen: “Everybody? GUYS?”

Grabbing my computer with immediate justification: “See pictures of zebras? Okay.”

She has become a huge fan of this Mother Goose book that features samples of well-worn rhymes. We sing the ones that have tunes, like “Baa Baa Black Sheep,” but “Humpty Dumpty” happens to be on the same page, so she thinks they’re the same poem.

She tends to sing as a secondary activity, thus not really caring to nail everything, but hopefully you can hear her sing the following:

Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?

Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full

One for the master, one for the dame

One for the little boy who lives down the lane

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall…

Lucy’s rocking chair!

In this video, she is showing her newfound (as in Monday) skill in getting into the piano seat. She says “Lucy’s back!” and then launches into a semi-silent version of the ABC song, then starts to run into the other room. However, she’s still singing it in her head, because she goes “YAAAAAYYY!” when she finishes it in the kitchen:

Oh, and fans of South Park: in the movie, the song “Uncle Fucka” has a brilliant ending phrase uttered by Terrance (or Philip) that I used to sing at the end of her nursery rhyme songs when she was mere weeks old. It was the only way I found solace in the tedium of those early days, and I forgot how often I did it. Fast-forward to last week, when we were singing “Wheels on the Bus”:

Me: The wheels on the bus go-

Lucy: Round and round!

Me: Round and round, round and round, the wheels on the bus-

Lucy: Go round and round!

Me: (big ending) All… through… the TOWN.

Lucy: Suck my balls!

Sure, it made Tessa want to draw up separation papers, but I was doubled over on the floor laughing. IT WAS SO WORTH IT!

0 thoughts on “portrait of the artist as a 19-month old

  1. Claudia

    Jordana may not feel well, but she sure looks beautiful! I had no idea she was due so soon.
    That is a SCREAM about Lucy’s new line for “Wheels on the Bus.” I always felt that song needed a little extra something…

  2. LFMD

    Cutie Cutiekins! Lucy is such a beautiful little girl.
    Why didn’t anyone tell me about Padsicles in 1999? All I had was that horrible sitz bath contraption. My victimized bum would have appreciated a soothing blend of lavender and aloe vera.
    Wishing a speedy delivery to Jordana!

  3. Neva

    Pics are so cute!
    Good luck to Jordana and Sean. Hope it’s soon for her sake.
    We have the very same Bach inventions book sitting on our piano right now. Weird. I tried to play them recently and they were much harder than I remembered. I guess I need to practice more.
    Lucy’s language for her age is really impressive. My oldest was precocious with language as well and still surprises us with her elaborate thoughts and words at age 5. Just wait until you can have detailed conversations about everything!

  4. Salem's little sister

    I’m so glad you put videos of Lucy on the site. She’s even more precious than I can imagine.
    Ben’s greatest hits:
    Waiting for me to come to his room in the mornings “Mommy . . .Open the door! Opeeeen Theee Doooorrrr!”
    When he wants to be carried:
    Me -“Do you want me to hold you? Ben- “Please Mommy hold you.”
    When talking about our family:
    “Daddy James, Mommy Katie, Boo Boo Miller Sug” (We call him Boo Boo and sug is his blanket)
    Although he sometimes acts bi-polar, I love this age. Does Lucy’s memory astound you too?

  5. Josie

    Very cute vids! I think Lucy is exceptionally talented in the speech department – Don’t know how many toddlers you’re exposed to, but she’s certainly ahead of the curve!
    Wishing Jordana a speedy delivery and a beautiful baby boy with a smallish head.

  6. Joanna

    Gosh, am I a prude? I don’t want an assembly line handling my maxi pads. Nor do I want any group, no matter how well meaning, contemplating trauma to my nether regions.
    Lucy is precious, despite that mouth on her!

  7. michelle

    I’ve officially now watched these two videos enough times to be embarassed about it. But I, too, spit coffee on my keyboard this morning while watching the first one. I’ve heard the “YAAAAAAAYYY” in person which ends the ABC song, and I love that it always ends the same, even in her head.


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