with Texas Pete packets please


Hey, it’s Various Things to Say Monday¬©, so here goes:


Cyia, my dad, Lucy and me last November

1. My stepsister, the lovely and talented Cyia Batten, landed a recurring role on “Studio 60,” and her second episode airs tonight at 10pm. You may have seen her before (as Wendy) on the show last fall as a member of the Bombshell Babies, performing on the show. Cyia is also a founding member of the Pussycat Dolls, but there’s a much bigger story behind that, so don’t get me started. All I would ask is that you watch Cyia kick ass on TV tonight, and throw your PCD disc onto a billowing pile of burning lard.

2. Billy from Time Out has died. Yes, that Billy. The one who wore the T-shirt that said “I’D SLAP YOUR FACE BUT SHIT SPLATTERS.” Going into Time Out at 2am to fuck with Billy was a rite of passage for all Carolina late-night social fiends, and though the constant mean-spirited persiflage between Billy and the legions of fratboys sometimes smacked of racism (or at least classism), Billy always gave better than he got. I once saw him humiliate a stunningly stupid Phi Delt in front of his date, and it was awesome. Plus, he always put extra cheese on my Chicken, Egg and Cheese.

3. Whatever magical thinking you’ve got, get it going: we play Dook the day after tomorrow. Both teams are coming off humiliating losses, but let’s not mince words. Dook deserves a beatdown; a constant, throbbing, ass-drubbing for the ages. We owe them plenty, and it’ll take five years of shellacking to get the taste of the Gut/Doherty years out of our collective memory. Here’s to a thirty-seven point drubbing, and, failing that, a dunk at the buzzer that sends the Kameron Krazies into a miserable death spiral.

0 thoughts on “with Texas Pete packets please

  1. jif

    4. I just finished reading your friend Virginia Heffernan’s NYT blog on Superbowl ads and general related commentary. Loved it. Btw, Yeah Colts!

  2. LFMD

    Wow. You know the game Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon? My new game is Six Degrees of Ian Williams! My version starts with me. I know Ian, Ian knows Cyia Batten, Cyia knows Robin Antin (I assume — both worked with PCD), Robin’s brother is Jonathan Antin, star of Blow Out and subject of one of my reality TV crushes! Via Ian, I am 4 Degrees from Jonathan!

  3. CL

    Cyia is very pretty.
    I like that apple T-shirt.
    Too bad about Billy – seems like a legend.
    By the way I just got engaged…if it can happen to a dorky girl like me, it can happen to anyone. Take heart, lonelyhearts!
    Those are my various responses for Monday.

  4. The other Lee

    Billy was a cultural icon in Chapel Hill. There was nothing quite as gratifying as walking across the street from the Cat’s Cradle (previous location) after a show to grab a Chicken biscuit and sweet tea. Rest in Peace billy.

  5. GFWD

    As if I didn’t already like watching Studio 60 enough . . .
    Sad to hear about Billy. I never hurled my insults at Billy while waiting in line because (1) I, too, felt the jabs were borderline racist and over-the-line classist; and (2) I’m still not witty enough or strong enough emotionally to be able to withstand one of his devastating retorts.
    My favorite image of him was seeing his smile while standing under the blown up photo of Chris Webber calling a Time-Out.
    It will never be as funny in written translation, but Billy was present when DFB’s&T’s and I witnessed the most amazing surreal fight in Time Out history, between a crack ho, a wino and a gimp. And one stalk of celery.
    As for the dook game, I want Lawson to run Paulus so hard that he is physically ill. I want Tyler, Brandan and the twin towers to make McBob wish he had left early last year. I want K to have another nervous-frickin’-breakdown.
    Rest in Peace, Billy.

  6. LFMD

    CL — spill it! You can’t just drop a bomb like that and leave! Who is the lucky guy? I don’t recall you mentioning someone special. . . . details! Please?
    Congratulations! That is wonderful news. Couldn’t have happened to a sweeter girl.

  7. John Schultz

    Sad news about Billy. I don’t know many men or women that could put up with YEARS of crap from bratty college students. But he could dish it out like no one. RIP
    With respect to Dook, let’s hope we don’t get the refs from the Dook / Clemson game ….
    John Cahill Duke 1991
    Mike Kitts Duke 1985
    Tom Lopes Duke 1992
    A squeaker victory or, god forbid, a loss will not cut it. I want nothing short of complete and utter destruction of an overachieving Dook team.
    Did anyone see David McClure go down last week? You would have thought he had broken his leg. Of course he was fine and played yesterday.
    I don’t like being hateful but I can’t help it. I’ve had it with Coach HypoKrite and the Cameron Crazies. It is fully possible that I would pull for Al Quaeda over Dook- even if Bin Laden and Mullah Omar started.
    Sorry for the rant. Go Heels

  8. LFMD

    CL — in case you are wondering about an unusual amount of hits to your blog this morning, it is me, being all nosy and in your business. So, does the Boy have a name? I could not find any photos of the Boy, but — did you recently cut your hair? Cute!
    Hope that Katie gets well soon. My beagle Jack blew out one of his knees this past weekend, and it looks as though he needs some pricey ACL surgery. Just like the football players have!
    Take care and congratulations!

  9. LFMD

    Since it is Various Things to Say Monday, has anyone ever torn an ACL (anterior cruciate ligament)? How much does it hurt?
    Anyone ever gotten ACL surgery for a dog? My beagle is nearly 11 years old, and the surgeon expects him to need surgery, followed by 12 weeks in a cast. Good idea or needless aggravation for an older dog?

  10. cullen

    Ian, Thanks for the news about everyone’s favorite member of the TimeOut family. I got to know Billy and some of the guys from the Rat from all the way back to days at Carolina Basketball Camps. He will be sorely missed, but live on in recounts and memories galore.
    As for the Wed. night game, I think we can all assume that Roy will have the belly-fire stoked hot. He wasn’t the only mountain boy peeved about Sat’s effort against the Pack. Go Heels!!

  11. CL

    Awww, Laurie, dogs will put up with a lot (look at those Elizabethan collars!!) but do you trust your vet, or should you get a second opinion? If you trust him, then I guess you have to see how hard it is for Jack to walk. I had my beagle for 14 years and she was wonderful.
    Thanks so much for the congrats! I am very lucky – he’s a sweet Boy. Yes, I cut my hair…he likes short hair (rare in a boy) so I said I’d cut it if we got engaged. ;) If you e-mail me (the address is on my main webpage, clickable above) I’ll tell ya all about him. I didn’t want to go into it too much on the blog because you never know who is reading the internet, and certain ex-es read it too and I don’t want to rub their face in my glorious happiness.

  12. Just Andrew

    sad to read about Billy – I also had more than my fair share of late night, post Cradle dining.
    Was he working there until he passed? Don’t think I’ve been in there in 15 years or more and he wasn’t a young man then, just wondering if he retired or moved on or if he remained a staple at Time Out until the end?

  13. Andy

    Sad news about Billy indeed. Living in Granville, I stopped by Time-Out just about every night on the stumble home from Franklin Street. I have fond memories of him just destroying the fratties at 2am.
    As for the dook game, I am not getting any work done for the next 3 days. I hope the State loss woke the boys up and didn’t mess with their confidence. Please, please, please let us just win.
    But a 20-point, epic beat down would sure be nice.

  14. eric g.

    Thanks for the news about Billy. I spent many a night enjoying his abuse of drunken fratboys. He indeed always gave better than he got. What a unique individual! Does anyone know any backstory on him? I’d be interested to know how one comes to be such a supreme insult-hurler (albeit good-natured).
    Speaking of old Chapel Hill haunts, does anyone know if the Rat survived its latest death sentence? My internet research seemed to indicate that it had, but the trail went cold after a couple of news items from August ’06 that said it would be reopening in time for football season. I haven’t eaten there in 15 years, but I consumed my first Rat meal in about 1971 and I always feel better knowing it’s still there.
    If there’s a bigger Josh McRoberts hater in the country than me, I’d like to meet him/her. What a nincompoop. Nothing sums him up better than his chest-beating, jersey-tugging bravado after Duke barely survivied Indiana. He seemed to have forgotten that he put his own team in mortal danger by throwing an inbounds pass directly to an Indiana guard; only Indiana’s inability to get a shot off saved the Blue Devils. I hope we put a 1990-style smackdown on them (remember that one? 91-71.)

  15. Neva

    Sad about Billy. I looked up obituary info on him and learned that he was only 49 years old! I thought for sure he was much older than that. I remember hearing that he left Time Out quite a while ago and that he had heart problems or some other medical problem and I know I heard he had no health insurance. I know ya’ll think I’m making that one up but I’m not! Just think about it though I betcha Time Out didn’t give great benefits. Anyway, it’s sad because he touched so many people and had such a personality and should’ve lived a much longer life.
    Eric – I think I heard the Rat was back open with the waiters back in place but I’ll check it out next time I’m down there and let you know. As a resident I took care of one of the waiters for a while and he was probably one of the nicest, most dignified, and pleasant gentleman I ever had as a patient.
    LFMD – my brother’s dog, a Jack Russell terrier named Josey (after his favorite movie Outlaw Josey Wales – sorry for the aside) tore her ACL several years ago and is doing just fine without it. I was taught that at least 1/3 of people who tear their ACL will do okay without one (including both my brothers-in law who are very athletic and still active without theirs) so I imagine some dogs can too. Seems it would be worth waiting a bit before doing surgery or at least getting a second opinion.
    Ian, I’ll try hard to stay up for Studio 60, but sadly I just can’t keep my eyes open to watch it any more!

  16. kjf

    LFMD – I tore my ACL three weeks ago on a ski trip. (Teenaged snowboarder just wiped me out.) I never knew anyone who this happened to except real athletes but my sister told me her dog had ACL surgery and it went well. Her dog was also older but she’s a big active dog and thought her quality of life would realy suffer if she couldnt run around and be a dog. She said the only thing that annoyed the dog was when they put some pads on her paws for some reason and she hated them but otherwise the poochie was fine. I would guess if your dog is a couch potato it wouldnt be as important. Ask your vet and get a second opinion.
    And as for Studio 60 I love it but heard it was getting cancelled. Hope not – I agree with the criticism that the tone of the show is a little too serious for a show about a tv show but if you have ever had the misfortune to work for a large organization you will see that these places take themselves waaaay too serious also so to me its just another workplace.

  17. eric g.

    LFMD: Bill T., who comments on this blog occasionally, has a golden labrador who has blown out two ACLs. Not sure if there was surgery involved the second time around, but I’m sure he’d be an excellent source of information. Bill, are you out there?

  18. Annie

    GFWD (if you catch this tomorrow)–
    I am NOT going to let that carrot go unpursued!!! TELL THE STORY. THE HO-WINO-GIMP-CELERY ONE. You are the only person on this blog, besides Ian of course, who has a ghost of a chance at bringing it off in writing.
    If you do it I will post another hooping video by March 1st.

  19. Annie

    p.s. Congratulations CL!
    p.p.s. I saw in Ian’s link to the N&O that they are looking for people to contact them and tell stories about Billy.

  20. salems little sister

    LFMD- My 10 year old beagle tore her ACL this summer and we did the surgery. She has never been happier and moves better than she did before the surgery. Her recovery was very easy too and I wasn’t as restrictive as I was supposed to be. She spent about a week hanging out in our laundry room to keep her quiet and then she slowly got more “house and outside” time. We had the surgery option and the wait it out option and our vet said we made the right choice and I agree. Good luck! Yea beagles!

  21. Yourr fact-checkin' cuz

    Ian–The “shit splatters” legend appeared on Billy’s baseball hat, not his shirt.
    I lived out in Chatham Co. for a while after graduation and used to go on long bike rides on the county roads far from Chapel Hill. No matter how far I got from civilization, I always came across Billy as he walked to work (he also worked at a Texaco on Hwy. 54).


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