Hey, it’s Various Things to Say Monday©, so here goes:
Cyia, my dad, Lucy and me last November
1. My stepsister, the lovely and talented Cyia Batten, landed a recurring role on “Studio 60,” and her second episode airs tonight at 10pm. You may have seen her before (as Wendy) on the show last fall as a member of the Bombshell Babies, performing on the show. Cyia is also a founding member of the Pussycat Dolls, but there’s a much bigger story behind that, so don’t get me started. All I would ask is that you watch Cyia kick ass on TV tonight, and throw your PCD disc onto a billowing pile of burning lard.
2. Billy from Time Out has died. Yes, that Billy. The one who wore the T-shirt that said “I’D SLAP YOUR FACE BUT SHIT SPLATTERS.” Going into Time Out at 2am to fuck with Billy was a rite of passage for all Carolina late-night social fiends, and though the constant mean-spirited persiflage between Billy and the legions of fratboys sometimes smacked of racism (or at least classism), Billy always gave better than he got. I once saw him humiliate a stunningly stupid Phi Delt in front of his date, and it was awesome. Plus, he always put extra cheese on my Chicken, Egg and Cheese.
3. Whatever magical thinking you’ve got, get it going: we play Dook the day after tomorrow. Both teams are coming off humiliating losses, but let’s not mince words. Dook deserves a beatdown; a constant, throbbing, ass-drubbing for the ages. We owe them plenty, and it’ll take five years of shellacking to get the taste of the Gut/Doherty years out of our collective memory. Here’s to a thirty-seven point drubbing, and, failing that, a dunk at the buzzer that sends the Kameron Krazies into a miserable death spiral.