straightenin’ the curves, flattenin’ the hills


Still a day away from getting home, so must go with a CODE WORD… after seeing some of my bestest friends in the world on this trip, I’ll ask: who is your best friend, and how did they save your ass?

0 thoughts on “straightenin’ the curves, flattenin’ the hills

  1. CP

    big v
    saved me from some angry frat boys in iowa city I had been drunkenly mouthing off to (while doing shots with their women) all night. we then (oddly enough, given the location) got gyros at 1 in the morning in what I guess is the town square as the bars cleared out and people migrated there, found a pair of redheads who turned out to be wiccans. in return for his saving me earlier, I ended up with the one nearly twice my size. (not that I much cared — everyone’s good-looking in iowa, even 250 pound goth girls.) they took us to (I’m not even making this up) some cornfield and did like this erotic earth-goddess dance type thing for us. it was the weirdest shit either of us had probably ever seen. weirder than when this kid bryan had a seizure in front of us, weirder than larry hogue or the other neighborhood homeless guys (freedom the street poet, I was framed, et al), weirder than my mom on vodka and vikeys or how mad his dad got after I ate his leftover sushi.
    (he also saved me by negotiating the peace between me and his dad, after which the fatwa was lifted from my head, and a movie theater manager in santa monica I was mouthing off to the other night for not letting me bring in food.)
    see superbad.

  2. Suzie

    My sister will always be my best friend, especially for that one time in high school after our mom died, when I was being all morbid and saying “I don’t see any reason to keep living” and she replied with “Don’t you dare leave me here all alone!” Gave me my first clue that life is not all about me.

  3. eric g.

    Chris Landgraff. He introduced himself to me on the first day of college, as I was making the terrifying transition from growing up in a town of 400 to living in a dorm of 1000.
    Best friend 1(A): Chris Chapman. He was the best roommate a guy could ever have. During a period when I was living at the poverty line and trying to find myself, he was a constant sounding board for my youthful soul-searching nonsense. He’s a good egg.

  4. cathie

    that’s funny, chris chapman is my best friend, too.
    after all the drama of my life, he showed me that relating to men does not have to be something ambivalent and crazy-making.
    so i married him.

  5. Chris Chapman

    To Eric and my wife:
    Thanks for the kind words above. It is getting a little dusty in the home office.
    To Eric:
    I’ll always remember imitating Hank and Jack describing an alien landing during a football game, spoiling Tennessee by feeding him chicken and leaving clothes out for him to sleep on, and Festiva, which is Korean for “golf cart”.
    There are two moments in my life when I remember friends saving me.
    One was in 1993 when Ian and I decided to swim across the quarry in Durham at night and about halfway through had to talk each other across. I really believe I would have drowned if I had been alone.
    The other was in 2001 after my brother died. My friend Jane took me into her and her fiance’s house in Raleigh when I returned to North Carolina. They couldn’t have been kinder to me and I will never be able to thank or repay Jane in proportion to her gift.

  6. LFMD

    My best friend is Chris Chapman.
    Hee-hee! I just had to say it. That’s quite a lot of nice things said about Mr. Chapman. Very nice.
    My best friend is my husband. First, because he has put up with all my crap for the past 13 years, which I know is not easy. Second, all of the things that have brought me the most joy in life (a stable family life, my daughter, our home, etc.) have directly resulted from marrying Tim. He is a good person, and I love him. Though we have our marital moments, he has my back, and I have his. I’ll have to remind him today how important he is.

  7. CL

    One was in 1993 when Ian and I decided to swim across the quarry in Durham at night and about halfway through had to talk each other across.
    Holy crap, you guys did this?

  8. DFB's&T's

    My best friend is my 5-year-old. I am completely serious. Plus, he tells me every night as I tuck him in that he’ll “be your best friend forevah.”
    Now, if someone can top that, I’ll swin across the friggin’ quarry with Chris Chapman.

  9. eric g.

    “Hank, the cigar-shaped craft has landed in the east end zone here at the Meadowlands. Little green men are disembarking from a ladder that has protruded from the bottom. Phil Simms has called timeout. This might be a good time to crack open a tall, cool Budweiser…”


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