Oh sure, I had a great blog to write today, but while I was bathing Lucy tonight, I accidentally put down a bottle of Kiehl’s Liquid Soap Pour Homme too hard, sending a perfect glop out of the tube, straight into my right eyeball. At first, it didn’t hurt too much, and besides, I couldn’t run off and flush my eye with water because I wasn’t going to leave Lucy alone in the bath.
But then the searing agony began. I thrashed my head around like there was a queen wasp stinging the insides of my brain. Honestly, it felt like someone had toothpicked-open my eyeball “Clockwork Orange”-style and was injecting tobasco sauce into my retina with a syringe. I tried not to howl in agony (so’s not to completely freak out my daughter) but finally shrieked “TESSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
She came running, and let me thrust my head under the bathroom sink in a vain attempt to dilute the pain. But the soap didn’t seem to be going anywhere, and after lying on the bed moaning, I had to run back to the bathroom and put my eyeball under the faucet for another two full minutes until it went from “life-changing torment” to “fucking cruel and unusual”. Three Advil, quick.
My eye seared shut for a half-hour, during which Lucy (who’s very good at these sorts of things) climbed onto my chest in her pajamas and kissed my throbbing eyeball, saying “I’m sorry.” Oddly, it really did make me physically feel better. That girl is something.
Anyone else done something needlessly painful lately?