the game is a foot

2/21/08

This just in: Hillary Clinton’s bulldog Tom Buffenbarger just said of Obama:

Give me a break! I’ve got news for all the latte-drinking, Prius-driving, Birkenstock-wearing, trust fund babies crowding in to hear him speak! This guy won’t last a round against the Republican attack machine. He’s a poet, not a fighter.

Now it’s one thing to denigrate my candidate for the president of the United States – but it’s another thing entirely to talk shit about lattes and Prii. First off, lattés are good. Really good. Do I need to post a picture of my various syrups again? Oh, well, okay!

IanToraniSyrups(bl).jpg

I use the Francis Francis X1 with espresso pods, and let me tell you, that machine is both a poet and a fighter. I dare you to get out of my house, having downed a triple-shot Chocolate Biscotti latté, and NOT WANT TO FUCK SHIT UP. That caffeine crosses your blood brain barrier quicker than crack, and it won’t be long before you pick up an aluminum baseball bat and go wilding for Republicans.

Many’s the time, after a quadruple Americano, or a 32-ounce Pistachio Vanilla Red Eye (served with frothed milk and a sprinkling of nutmeg) that I’ve had to stop major revolutions from brewing out of my kitchen, and spilling over into violent demonstrations in urban areas. The revolution may not be televised, but it will be powered by my powder-puff pink espresso maker – BITCH!

FrancisX1Venice(bl).jpg

As for our Prius, where does Tom Barfenburger get off? Perhaps he hasn’t seen the latest addition to our already-cock-rocking hybrid sedan, the SHARK FIN ANTENNA:

sharkant.jpg

As if we didn’t already get 60 mpg, this aerodynamic little puppy shaves another .003 mpg off our consumption, not to mention that it says “Enormous Sperm Count Contained Inside Vehicle.” Also, I might add that the Prius is virtually silent when going down alleyways, due to the electric engine, which scares the shit out of unsuspecting pedestrians. And what do Republicans fear more than anything? That’s right, being attacked by silent thugs in alleyways.

LucySmilesRoadTrip(bl).jpg

Lucy preparing to kick ass in the Prius, August 2005

All I’m saying is this: when we use our trust fund money to buy our Prius, shove a Macadamia Nut soy latté in the cupholder, and crank NPR, we’re a SEARCH AND DESTROY REPUBLICAN HUNTING MACHINE.

 

 

He’s got a point about Birkenstocks, though. Yuck!

 

0 thoughts on “the game is a foot

  1. ken

    Guess that makes Hillary supporters a bunch of truck stop coffee-drinkin’, Hummer-drivin’, Hush Puppy-wearing, wage-earnin’ adults.
    In other words, Republicans!

    Reply
  2. Matt

    First, is Prii really the plural of Prius?
    Second, I wish this site’s security software would bold the “questional content” of denied comments. I’m sure it’s two words which together comprise a listed offending series of letters or something, but it’s dang near impossible to find it.

    Reply
  3. Matt

    Of course Wikipedia would have an entry on the matter:
    “Prius is a not a verb but a Latin comparative adjective or adverb, the neuter nominative singular form of the adjective whose corresponding masculine and feminine nominative singular forms are prior, [90] (see also Latin declension#Irregular adverbs and their comparative and superlative forms) with meanings “ahead, in front, leading; previous, earlier, preceding, prior; former; basic;” [91]. Some enthusiasts enjoy using Prii as the plural, which would be correct if prius were a regular second declension Latin noun. The actual Latin plural of the adjective is priora ([9] is slightly in error here). All of these forms are nominative case and there are several other forms for the other cases. As for the plural of Prius in English, Toyota has said that it is simply Prius and also that owners are welcome to use whatever they like. [92]”
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toyota_Prius

    Reply
  4. Bud

    God bless your latte-drinkin’, Prius-drivin’, trust fund spendin’, big-word speakin’, right wing bashin’, Obama votin’ heart!

    Reply
  5. Annie

    My eyes misted with tears reading this morning’s entry, due to a) the stupidity of Tom Buffenbarger (Birkenstocks?!? What is it, 1977? *MERRELLS*, my friend) and then, b) the sweet, milky English Breakfast tea I have been forced to switch to since a recent alimentary rebellion–I cried because I realized I’ve been actively LYING TO MYSELF, telling myself that next to the pleasurable, soft kick of this well-meaning beverage, I don’t miss the ass-whupping a.m. greeting of a stiff, hair-raising, downright *dangerous* multiple-shot latte (unexpurgated by whipped cream, sprinklies or flavory syrups, thank you–just one heaping spoon of honest-to-god white sugar).
    See, I thought I didn’t miss it…
    *sniff*
    (wipes nose)

    Reply
  6. Killian

    woo-woo!!!! I’m with Bud–and everybody else–and yes, Prii is the plural—my beloved sent me a NYT article about it! :):) Mine is green and *only* gets 50 mpg and i don’t have the antenna that boasts a fearsome testosterone level inside, but i, too, feel OUR TIME HAS COME!!!!!

    Reply
  7. Lee

    I think he’s not saying that the Hillary camp drives trucks etc… he’s saying that those of us who drink lattes (me), drive a Prius (me) and wear Birkenstocks (me) are not gonna get the fight out of Obama that we would get out of Hillary. I think he’s saying that he doesn’t understand why we would want Obama fighting for us, instead of Hillary, who clearly is a fighter.
    So basically, I wouldn’t stand for anybody dissin my latte, Prius, or my birks even… Ian! if I thought that’s what they were doing. But I’m sick of all the Hillary dissin goin on, too. She’s probably not gonna be our next Prez – or even our nominee- but she still rocks in my world.
    And here’s a link to my birks- that I saw all over Italy on the tall, hot italian chicks. So there… http://catalog.birkenstockcentral.com/vc3bc/partnumber/%5E14376$/template-b//
    xoxo Lee

    Reply
  8. ChrisM

    Today’s post caused an epiphany about the source of my strange attraction to Obama, one that remains just shy of a tingling running up my leg. I think I was dosed! After years of resistance, last weekend I capitulated and poured a little almond syrup into my coffee — a french roast brewed in my french press. It was delicious. Was it some sort of liberal love potion?

    Reply
  9. xuxE

    see, if we just gave bugginbarfer some of that latte libation he would be entering himself in the how berkeley can you be parade.
    it’s just sad though, to see folk who are so used to battle by soundbyte watch the tables flip on them and get hysterical. i would have totally expected that comment to come from the huckabee campaign or some bitter right winger, not hillary’s camp. those tree-huggin liberals are part of her damn party fer cryin out loud.
    but anyway, speaking of cryin out loud – dudes!! i just got HELLA press in this posh SF glossy magazine, i am freakin out!!
    http://www.sanfranmag.com/story/welcome-hollyhood

    Reply
  10. kent

    Birkenstocks rule. I have no idea why people hate on them. Hating on liberals is just a way some people hold up a big sign saying I’M AN ASSHOLE AND STUPID TO BOOT.

    Reply
  11. xuxE

    thanks! :) photographer julia galdo took some kick ass pictures for the print mag, and there’s even this little montage thing of pictures from the film which i was totally not expecting.
    i was rained on and grumpy during the photo shoot but she definitely worked some magic. and at least my bass looks hella tight… ;)

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *