I am two days into the most violent food poisoning I’ve ever known – for the love of all that is holy, can someone post a question that will gather tons of lighthearted and fabulous responses guaranteed to ease the suffering of all afflicted?

30 thoughts on “horfftastic

  1. LFMD

    I don’t have anything interesting to post . . . just wanted to say that I have read your blog for years now, and you seem to get food poisoning A LOT. Sorry to hear you are ill (again).
    Right before I checked your blog, I was on people.com. Why does Sienna Miller keep dating married men? I imagine that she would not have trouble finding some single guys to date. And, Balthazar Getty leaving his wife and four kids? Very depressing. I hate to be crass, but those little kids are about to have their lives blown to bits because Daddy wants to f-k somebody new. Of course, my main source of info. is People, but that is how it seems to me.
    I had two attendants at my wedding 13 years ago. They both are in the midst of divorces right now. Both have little kids. I feel so badly for those kids. I am curious to hear from kids of divorce: what impact did it have on you? how does it affect you as an adult?, but that topic is not exactly light-hearted.

  2. Salem's Little Sister

    I’ll step up with a silly, but infamous question. Who would be on your “list” of 5 people you could sleep with without repercussions from your significant other? This is so junior high, but always entertaining.
    As for me . . .
    Johnny Depp
    John Cusak
    Dennis Leary
    Dave Matthews
    George Clooney

  3. Anne

    Question: Does anyone besides me think that Obama’s trip to Iraq was good strategy in that it has put McCain constantly on the defensive or at least looking behind the 8-ball?
    Regardless of *what* exactly Obama is saying (and so far I don’t see any big gaffes), the very fact that he went in the middle of a tiring presidential campaign, and listened and has formed and even in some respects altered his opinions about the situation there is likely to accrue him some credit in this race.

  4. mcf

    too many jalapenos? (smile) feel better, ian. i hope the women in your life are not also afflicted.
    sls-work friends and i were discussing such a list just last night! have to think about who i would include, though.

  5. elizabeth s.

    1. Jude Law
    2. Brad Pitt (I know I know)
    3. Henry Simmons (nypd blue)
    4. Rick Schroder (highschool crush)
    5. Richie Sambora (just want to see it)

  6. chip

    Did you read “The Abstinence Teacher”? I really liked that book and I loved the movie “Election”.
    As for #2 on your list, that might represent the triumph of hope over experience, as they say.
    I’m sorry to hear about the divorces.

  7. CM

    Elizabeth S, “Just want to see it”? That made me laugh. Thanks!
    LFMD, impacts of divorces is a good topic…from my standpoint, when I was a kid, I was glad when my parents got divorced since they fought all the time. But I was also glad that it took until I was 13. It’s harder when you’re younger, I think.

  8. CM

    And yeah, Ian, and I agree with LFMD’s first sentence…you should list every day what you eat, so we can avoid it.

  9. LFMD

    Chip – it’s my fantasy world, and in my fantasy world, Anderson is drawn to me like a moth to a flame! I can dream!
    And, I have read all of Tom Perrotta’s books. I love him. And if I remember correctly, CM has MET HIM! Is that right CM? When you were both including in that NJ anthology? He was shorter than you expected? Or did I read that on your blog? Did Tom happen to mention me when you met? Ha! Is he still handsome or am I basing my crush on an out-dated book jacket photo?
    As for divorce, I know that it is statistically a fact of life. But it is still very depressing. Particularly in these situations. My friends are good people, as are their husbands. As far as they have related to me, there is no huge deal-breaker (addiction, abuse, violence) — they just don’t like each other any more. I remember how excited they were at their weddings and when they were dating. WHERE DID THE LOVE GO? I sound really cliche, but can’t they try to like each other again for the sake of the kids?
    Even at my lowest points in my marriage, I remind myself that each day I CHOSE to be married, and I go from there. My success rate is not statistically any better than anyone else’s, but for now, I try to do the daily work that is required to stay married (be kind even when I don’t feel like it, be patient, show appreciation when due, etc.). It is not easy, but it is the least I can do for my daughter. And, my husband is a great guy. It is just hard to remember that sometimes.

  10. Killian

    1. Rafa Nadal
    2. Johnny Depp
    3. Jeffrey Donovan (Burn Notice-WOW!!)
    4. Leonardo DiCaprio
    5. Rafa Nadal

  11. Cris

    I love these types of questions. Tom Welling probably holds the top spot on my list (Ian – if you and Tessa ever make a TV show and cast him, I expect to be invited to the set). I’m with LFMD on Anderson Cooper, and as for the rest… I think a couple of FoodNetwork and design TV guys would probably be up there: Dave Lieberman, Tyler Florence (well, maybe Tyler five years ago), and that hunky Evan Farmer formerly of TLC.
    Sorry to hear about the food poisoning, Ian. I got the most violent case of food poisoning ever a few months ago. Perhaps the sickest I’ve ever been. One of my friends mentioned off-handedly that I should report the restaurant to the health department, which oddly would not have occurred to me. So I called.. the public health nurse could not have been nicer. She pointed me to a website showing all inspection results for Boston restaurants. Turns out this one had been cited numerous times for all sorts of nasty things. They sent an inspector out that day, and he actually found so many infractions that they closed the restaurant down temporarily. SO… if you suspect a case of food poisoning from a restaurant, you may be doing other people a favor by reporting it.

  12. caveman

    1. Governor’s daughter from “Benson”
    2. Erin Gray from 1984 on Silver Spoons
    3. Sandra Day O’Connor
    4. Julie Andrews from 1964 in Mary Poppins attire
    5. Smurfette

  13. wottop

    Someone has to list some women:
    1. Elle MacPherson
    2. Catherine Bell
    3. Robin Lively
    4. Heather Graham
    5. Megan Fox

  14. Joanna

    How about Prince (pre YouTube greed, of course)? I think he’d have a lot of tricks up his sleeve, you know?

  15. CM

    Yup, LFMD, met him briefly and the Book Expo last year and had him sign The Abstenance Teacher. Yeah, he was shorter than I expected for a giant writer. Wow, thanks for reading my blog!

  16. LFMD

    CM – I love your blog! I wanted to post a comment on the entry where you and Hubby went to Rut’s Hut because it is an all-time family favorite on my mother’s side (my uncle worked there as a kid, and my parents took my daughter there recently), but I had some technical difficulties.
    So, was Tom Perrotta cute? I know he is no Mr. CM, but throw me a crumb! Was his hair all salt-and-peppery? With attractive mod eyeglasses? Has he gained lbs? Exactly how tall was he (I am 5 feet even, so short is good). Did you have your photo taken with him? I would have!
    I would like to add Nate Berkus to my growing list as well.

  17. caveman

    just to be clear, I meant the governor’s daughter from Benson when I was her age, or she was my age, or…..you know, i didn’t mean…I mean, you know….HEY, whats that over there!……(sprints away in opposite direction)

  18. kevin from NC

    I think BHO’s trip to Iraq has been a smart move. He does need to be careful about seeming too presidential at this point.
    I am a BHO supporter, but I know McCain has to be upset with the media attention he is getting. I think the real issue is we really do not know much about Obama particularly in world affairs. This is great exposure for him. McCain is a more known entity… perhaps that is the reason for the coverage differences?

  19. Caroline

    How many of you have had food poisoning (or a stomach bug) that made you so sick that you pooped and barfed at the same time?
    I’ve had a lot of weirdo illnesses and nothing is more demoralizing than that. But it’s still a little funny.

  20. erica

    I would happily give up picks 2 through 5 for a roll with Sting! Yes, he had a grizzled grandpa beard when I saw the Police last week, but he is still smokin’ hot.

  21. wes207

    I am trying hard to concentrate on my list and on George Clooney in particular, but all I can think about is the two times in my life I have sat on the potty with a plastic trash can in my lap so I could poop and barf at the same time. Not a good situation. Both times were when I was newly pregnant — in fact the second time was confirmation of my condition because I had NEVER felt that bad any other time. But you’re right Caroline — thinking WAY back on it, there is definitely an element of funny.
    Barack is doing the right thing if for no other reason than this trip is exposing Andrea Mitchell to all the world as the whiny shill she is. She has had her panties in a wad for days because she is not in charge of the press — who said the military could be in charge in a war zone anyway?? Time to shut up and sit down, Mrs. Greenspan.

  22. kjf

    as mentioned earlier if you got the food poisoning after eating at a restaurant you really should report it. if you are in california you can do it on online. my daughter recently got some wicked food poisoning after eating out in LA and reported it and they investigated the place and called her back to tell her that they cited the place for some food handling violations. the health dept told her they would be checking out the place regularly to keep an eye on the violations.
    hope you feel better!

  23. jersey

    (1) rachel bilson
    (2) famke janssen
    (3) yvonne strahovski
    (4) natalie portman
    (5) anne hathaway
    (6) kate beckinsale
    (7) marisa miller
    (8) evangeline lilly
    (9) autumn reeser
    (10) jennifer conn…
    what? who said there could only be five?
    wait, why is the oscar music playing?
    turn those machines back on – turn those machines back on!


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