goliath was faking

8/24/08

I want all of you to know I just experienced a MASSIVE CULTURAL AND POLITICAL NADIR. Put simply, my Nexus of Hell is an auditorium where Kobe Bryant wins a gold medal, Koach K wins a gold medal, both applauded by the entire Bush family. Frankly, I’m surprised Christian Laettner didn’t show up with the guy who shot John Lennon. If I hadn’t actually fainted from abject hatred, I would have thrown up ON THE CEILING every time they showed Olympic basketball.

It came down to this: Kobe decided to actually play, and Lebron James was allowed off the bench. Throw in some extra passes, and it was Game Over. Yes, I realize former Tar Heel Larry Brown didn’t do us any favors in Athens, but he was dealing with a post-Dream Team that hated each other and lit their farts on fire with burning $1000 bills.

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It’s positively sickening to think Koach K will now be given any credit for “bringing gold back to America” (read my prediction from 2 years ago), when the whole thing was such kabuki theater from the start. You know when they start selling “Redeem Team” T-shirts, sweats, shoes, pencils, spatulas and fabric softener sheets that it reeked of an NBA and American Professional Sports® maneuver, and indeed it was.

The Arizona Diamondbacks owner and president of USA Basketball is a guy named Jerry Colangelo who, of all things, wanted this Olympic basketball team to resonate “AMERICA” and to even connect the team to our military. Who better to do that then Koach K, whom Tommy Craggs nails perfectly: “Krzyzewski and his towering persecution complex are well-suited to the kind of young players who masochistically self-identify as the Redeem Team.”

So they brought in maimed soldiers from the Iraq War to show our hoops players what “Team USA” really means. Even Washington Wizards power forward Etan Thomas called bullshit: “It would have made me feel ashamed, angered and saddened that this soldier was blinded at the service of a war we shouldn’t have been in in the first place.” And not to nitpick, but fucking Jerry Colangelo and Mike Krkykerwkswy have never served in combat – what is with these people?

The military, masochism, bullyism, a persecution complex, mindless jingoism… hey, that sounds like somebody else we know! USA Basketball is the perfect team for Team Bush.

Not that it seems totally obvious or anything, but Jerry Colangelo is one of the brain trustees behind Battin’ 1000!, perhaps the most egregious anti-choice, anti-stem cell, rabid right-wing collection of Americans you’re likely to find. Colangelo held Battin’ 1000!’s first press conference at his stadium (which was paid for by taxpayers – thanks, Battin’ 1000!) and his group handed out shirts that said “Abortion is Homicide” and “You Will Not Mock My God”. They oppose a woman’s choice even if she is raped, or if her life is in danger.

Well, you know the score. Not that my opinion counts for much given the vast expanse of the solar system, but I’ve always had antipathy for Kobe Bryant, my tomes on dook’s coach could fill a coffee table book, and if it weren’t for loathing our sniveling fratboy thug President, it’d be hard to keep this blog going. You will all have your opinions, and we all know who thinks what around here, but for anyone out there who saw the Redeem Team and it seemed a bit… creepy? This one’s for you.

0 thoughts on “goliath was faking

  1. Matt

    If it may bring you a little relief: coaches aren’t given Olympic medals, only athletes. On the rest… pass.

    Reply
  2. dean

    I am not a big fan of Kobe. I am also not a fan of dook and K. Having said that . . . K did not serve in “combat”, but he did serve in the US Army after his education at West Point. Of all the volumes of books we could fill dogging K, nitpicking his military service to this country is not one of them.

    Reply
  3. dean

    And another thing . . I will be join your objection to Colengelo’s organization meeting in taxpayer-supported arenas when you join my opposition to taxpayer funds going to Planned Parenthood, ok?

    Reply
  4. Anne

    I watched the Olympic final b’ball game without any Dook or other baggage, and enjoyed the last quarter immensely. Theater or not, it was exciting!
    Abortion is a terribly complex and emotion-laden issue IMO, and I am suspicious of ringing pronouncements at either extreme end of the opinion spectrum.

    Reply
  5. Piglet

    If you thought such an abomination of human endeavor might happen, why did you watch?
    Other than the gymnasts and Misty May’s ass, my set was OFF the whole time. As far as I’m concerned, the olympics are about buff chicks in skimpy outfits and anything else is bo-ring.

    Reply
  6. Julie

    I’m like you jje – I couldn’t bring myself to watch any of the mens b-ball games. Instead, I used the Olympics as the opportunity to show my kids that there are other sports besides soccer, football, and b-ball (not that these aren’t great sports, b/c they certainly are). We oohed and aahed at the platform and springboard diving, both the artistic and rhythmic gymnastics, the trampoline, beach volley ball, and water polo. I doubt that either boy will remember much in 4 years, but it was good fun while it was on.

    Reply
  7. ducky

    We must be mentally synced up today. Last night, while watching the closing ceremonies, I saw a clip of the game and actually said, “George W. Bush, Mike Kryszewski, and Kobe Bryant in one place? F*ck me sideways…that’s bad.”

    Reply
  8. erica

    And though the coaches don’t receive medals, the shot of K draped with the players’ medals was enough to send me over the edge. I just had to keep telling myself it looked like a “tacky halter top”.

    Reply
  9. Tanya

    Call me unpatriotic, but when it came to men’s basketball, I was cheering AGAINST the USA. I’m sorry, but the idea of K getting ANY credit for their gold medal was too much for me to stomach. Hell, if the men’s team were playing Al Quaida…well, I’d still have to think about that one.
    Hmph.

    Reply
  10. Salem's Little Sister

    We just flew into RDU from TX and the tiny section of Baggage Claim B was setting up for Ratface’s triumphant return. There was a pathetic banner, a miniscule podium and a lady looking like a reject waitress from ” Alice” carried in an assortment of Party City balloons. All of two weathered old people were camped out with their Dollar Store chairs. It was pathetic and I LOVED it! Tragically, we landed too early to stay and watch. He did garner two news crews, so I’m sure I can catch it on the news. Barf.

    Reply
  11. T.J.

    I’m with Tanya. I cheered for America in every sport but one, but I’d cheer for Al Qaeda unreservedly if they were playing a K-coached team.

    Reply

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