me vote pretty one day


Lemme see if I got this straight.

In 2000, we said George W. Bush was ethically-bankrupt liar who would be a disastrous President. We were right, and you were wrong.

As the protests against his illegal ascension to the White House thinned, we were told to stop being “sore losers” and that everyone had “Clinton fatigue” anyway. My wife screamed to a sparse crowd in Times Square “BUT SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN WHILE HE’S PRESIDENT!” She was right, and you were wrong.

In the lead-up to the Iraq War, we did everything we could to stop it. Many of us believed there were no weapons of mass destruction. We said it was the stupidest war at the stupidest time in history. We were right, you were wrong.

We said that our job in Afghanistan was completely unfinished, and that the Taliban would come back. You, however, fought to redouble our efforts in Iraq. We were right, you were dead wrong.

We begged everyone not to vote for Bush again. We said that he was a miserable failure and that his worst was yet to come. You chose to believe lies about the military record of the Democratic nominee, then made Bush our president again. We were right, you were wrong.

We bemoaned a non-functioning government where plum positions were given to old cronies who passed an ideological test. You didn’t care. Then a hurricane came and almost wiped away a major American city while those same cronies did nothing. We were right and you were wrong.

We told you that laissez-faire economics doesn’t work. We told you that corporations have no compunction and need to be regulated for our own good and their own good. You then brought us to the greatest meltdown in modern Capitalist history. We were right, you were wrong.

Now you’ve got a nominee for President who has utterly lost his moorings and has no discernable economic or military plan that is any different from his predecessor. A heartbeat away, you’ve nominated a Vice President who is criminally unprepared for office, and has shown the benchmarks of being a mean-spirited, revengeful twit who is impervious to facts. Listen up: WE ARE TELLING YOU THAT THEY ARE GOING TO BE ANOTHER DISASTER.

On almost every issue, our record – that is, the record of progressives – has been vindicated as truth. Nobody likes sour grapes, or someone who says “I told you so,” but you know what? Suck my fucking balls. This is our country too, and we’re correct so often that we might as well open up a line of Tarot Card Kiosks and JUST STATE THE OBVIOUS.

So I gotta ask… how the fuck do you do it? How do you convince people to make the wrong choice again, and again, and again? You con people into voting against their economic self-interests, you convince Southern families to offer their kids as cannon fodder for a useless war, and you make Americans vote for nominees that make the rest of the world cringe with fear, rage and embarrassment.

Seriously, what’s your trick? Ticklin’ the prostate?