Yesterday, I went to one of the best ENT doctors in the country, and when he looked inside my sinuses he gasped. Actually gasped. It was all he could do to not bring his friends in the room and say “hey y’all, look at THIS!” He did say it was one of the worst infections he’d seen in many moons, and I was to be put on giant antibiotic horse pills – one step below actually getting a rhinoceros shot of Cipro in the ass.
I’m not allowed to blow my nose, breathe heavily, take hot showers, drink hot liquids or exercise. As if that weren’t life-negating enough, I have to swab the inside of my nose with Polysporin on a Q-Tip, which makes me want to sneeze, blow my nose every three seconds, chop down sequoia trees with a fucking axe, and hurl myself into rock quarries.
It’s obvious now why I’ve been getting these goddamn migraines for three years, and why I’ve been so sick; my sinuses are basically acting as a USB input to download every virus coming through the ether. And because one sinus is always impacted, I have to sleep on my left side, which has destroyed my back. At least now there’s an answer to all these problems, but for today, I just have to say SOMEBODY ELSE WRITE THIS DAMN BLOG!