six impossible things before breakfast


There’s some joke, although I can’t remember it, about a guy who is painting the cornices of his porch moulding while the house is burning down – I suppose another variant is our old saw about “rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic”. Anyway, that’s the way I’m feeling right now about solving any of the myriad problems and excavating the mounds of expectations awaiting me: my sinuses are so infected that my doctor finally pulled out what he called The Howitzer. STEROIDS AND CIPRO!

Steroids apparently shrink the whole mess up long enough for the antibiotics to work, and if Cipro doesn’t do it, I think the next step is actual bleach. It’s also comforting to know I’ll be protected from any random anthrax attacks, because really, you just never know.

Here’s the other HIGH-LARIOUS thing: when you take Cipro and Augmentin (the other antibiotic) together, you run the risk of your joints popping out of their sockets. Apparently I’m not even suppose to walk fast for the next week, or else my fucking legs will fall off. Curious and curiouser, said Alice! I shall open out like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye feet!

But the whole contretemps does offer some pretty intense focus; I can’t bemoan the effluvium and errata that usually gunks up my works. My job for the next week or so is to take giant horse pills and get better. No mental hopscotch about my precious psychology. Nothing sharpens the mind like singular purpose.

0 thoughts on “six impossible things before breakfast

  1. eric g.

    Get well, my friend. I had sinus surgery last April and I feel your pain. The ‘roids do mighty strange things to your mind and body when combined with painkillers and antibiotics. Makes for some interesting dreams. Speaking of dreams, I dreamed last night that you, Chip and I were studying for the SAT while watching Henry Stevens play in the British Open on television. I need to stop eating pizza before bed…

  2. Anne

    Feel better, friend. I’ve only known one other person with sinus problems as bad as yours (a guy, as well)… it sucks. and saps your energy.
    Watch out for those joints. I inadvertently popped my left hip out of its socket Monday night while lying sideways on the couch and screamed bloody murder. It went right back in but the tendons or whatever are still sore. Bad hip bone!

  3. Summer

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. One teaspoon of Bragg’s apple cider vinegar in water, three times a day. Use honey and hot water if you find the taste too harsh. It doesn’t conflict with your medicine, and it IS medicine… it makes your body slightly acid instead of slightly alkaline, and therefore very, very inhospitable to bacteria, viruses, and infection.
    …along with a whole host of other health benefits. Read the book called “Arthiritis and Folk Medicine” if you don’t believe me.
    Hippocrates drank it.
    I have spoken.

  4. xuxE

    damn, that is crazy. the legs-falling-off-sinus-infection-treatment of 2009. at least you don’t have to have leeches.

  5. kjf

    I’ve been on cipro and augmentin (for a different reason) and I have some advice for you – eat carefully as you will get diarrhea!! And eat yogurt or take probiotics like Culturelle or something similar to build up the good bacteria in your body. But Cipro will work.


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