Rick Perry – yes, you, the Governor of Texas – should go into the bathroom, take a long look at yourself in the mirror, and then stab yourself in the eyeball with a fork. You can’t wave your dick around, talking about seceding from the Union, and then request 850,000 courses of anti-viral medication from the Center for Disease Control. No, you should just go ahead and get the Swine Flu and then warble “The Yellow Rose of Texas” while you writhe in bed with a temperature of 103.
Sure, I’m an asshole, but I’m not the one who belittled and undermined a stimulus package just to score cheap political points. You’re a fucking GOVERNOR, which means behaving like an adult. If I ran the CDC, I would tell you “Sure, Rick – you can have your anti-viral drugs. Oh, but just one thing first: can sign this document confirming you’re a hypocritical douchebag?”
As for you, Republican David Vitter (LA) and sorta-Republican Susan Collins (ME) and Democrat Chuck Schumer (NY)? You guys should be hanging your head in shame. Susan, you only provided the deciding vote on the stimulus package once $870 million of pandemic preparedness was stripped away, asking “what does that have to do with a stimulus package?”
Gee, I dunno, Ms. Collins. Maybe because if there’s a flu pandemic, people will stop leaving their houses and the recession will turn into a Medieval Depression? What is WRONG with you people?
Curiously enough, I’m not that worried about the swine flu, despite living in the two places in the U.S. where it has broken out. It’s true that my nephew Barnaby lives in Queens, and Lucy is in daily contact with friends and neighbors who visit their families in Mexico all the time – but there’s not much you can do about it besides wash your hands, and make sure they wash theirs. I’m not going to wear a fucking mask, because it doesn’t help and I’ve got enough pills to contend with.
The only thing that scares me, however, is the triviality this country places on protecting its citizens from things they can see coming. Particularly, Republicans see infrastructure, preparedness and “helping fellow citizens in an emergency” as a big fucking joke. Maybe the Mormons were half-right: hoarding that much stuff in your apocalycloset won’t help you see Jesus, but it’ll get you through flu season.