Rick Perry – yes, you, the Governor of Texas – should go into the bathroom, take a long look at yourself in the mirror, and then stab yourself in the eyeball with a fork. You can’t wave your dick around, talking about seceding from the Union, and then request 850,000 courses of anti-viral medication from the Center for Disease Control. No, you should just go ahead and get the Swine Flu and then warble “The Yellow Rose of Texas” while you writhe in bed with a temperature of 103.

Sure, I’m an asshole, but I’m not the one who belittled and undermined a stimulus package just to score cheap political points. You’re a fucking GOVERNOR, which means behaving like an adult. If I ran the CDC, I would tell you “Sure, Rick – you can have your anti-viral drugs. Oh, but just one thing first: can sign this document confirming you’re a hypocritical douchebag?”

As for you, Republican David Vitter (LA) and sorta-Republican Susan Collins (ME) and Democrat Chuck Schumer (NY)? You guys should be hanging your head in shame. Susan, you only provided the deciding vote on the stimulus package once $870 million of pandemic preparedness was stripped away, asking “what does that have to do with a stimulus package?”

Gee, I dunno, Ms. Collins. Maybe because if there’s a flu pandemic, people will stop leaving their houses and the recession will turn into a Medieval Depression? What is WRONG with you people?

Curiously enough, I’m not that worried about the swine flu, despite living in the two places in the U.S. where it has broken out. It’s true that my nephew Barnaby lives in Queens, and Lucy is in daily contact with friends and neighbors who visit their families in Mexico all the time – but there’s not much you can do about it besides wash your hands, and make sure they wash theirs. I’m not going to wear a fucking mask, because it doesn’t help and I’ve got enough pills to contend with.

The only thing that scares me, however, is the triviality this country places on protecting its citizens from things they can see coming. Particularly, Republicans see infrastructure, preparedness and “helping fellow citizens in an emergency” as a big fucking joke. Maybe the Mormons were half-right: hoarding that much stuff in your apocalycloset won’t help you see Jesus, but it’ll get you through flu season.

0 thoughts on “bac-o-bits

  1. Killian

    brilliant, beautiful, pithy, and right on. I don’t know how you manage to make my blood boil and laugh til the coffee comes out of my nose all in the some moment. good thing i live alone! :D
    thanks for a great post. I’m going to use it this am. for my ethics class on health care. . .nothing like the present to make the debate we’ve been having, “health care: right or privilege?” a lot more real.

  2. jason Savage

    Perry is an ass-clown. And the Governors refusing money on some kind of principled grounds is truly shameful. But, as for the stimulus vote, I think i can see where Susan Collins was coming from. Or, at least, I can try to. The stimulus package was/is intended to be exactly that: economic stimulus. Obviously I think that outlaying money for disaster and epidemic relief is very important, but was the stimulus package the place for it? I don’t know.

  3. cullen

    That’s a seriously excellent sniglet Ian, “apocalycloset”. The best I could ever come up with was “deosmudge”, the white deoderant residue some guys haphazardly have on their shirtfronts/tails.

  4. Caitlin

    I am pretty worried about swine flu. But that is now my job — starting in July I will be the CDC Epidemic Intelligence Service officer for LA County. I was at the EIS conference in Atlanta until yesterday and I can report that the public health powers-that-be are nervous about this one. We’ll have to see how it unfolds.

  5. Schultz

    This is all well and good- but it raises a larger issue:
    Personal rights and freedoms vs Protection of the greater public
    I can see lawyers spooling up their hyperdrives to go after airport agents who quarantine sniffly airline passengers. It would piss me off to no end to get yanked into a holding pen and miss a flight, etc. But should it?
    Will the inconvenience of a few usurp the safety of all? God forbid this gets any worse.

  6. CM

    I’m glad you see the importance of preparing ahead for ‘things we can see coming’… since the media, by reporting ‘bad news,’ helps us do that if we so desire. Or we can decide it’s overblown if we want. But putting those facts out there is what the media does, and I think that’s the case I wanted to make a few weeks ago.
    As for the Republicans…bah!

  7. Piglet

    Can we at least make sure that the underfunded CDC allocates its meager resources to those states in need whose congressional delegations voted to fund the CDC? And if we run out, we let the Texans and others know who’s responsible for there not being enough to go around?

  8. Salem

    In Georgia, our Governor thought that removing school nurses from the Public School budget would save the State money. I haven’t gotten an update after e-mailing my State Reps, but that was the proposal.
    “Prevention”, is the ultimate conservative value. What is more fiscally conservative than paying a $1,000 in January to save $100,000 by December?
    School nurses are the only line of defense for our glorious youth, as they enrich their minds in those snot coated petri dishes we call school. Teachers cannot apply “bactine” to a skinned knee without a freakin court order.
    Don’t even get me started on the nurse‚Äôs unfortunate, but necessary role as a safety net for children who are being victimized or criminally neglected. Of course my district will not be affected, because the PTA is healthy, wealthy, and wise. One reason for the strength of our PTA is that the median home price in our district is around 700,000 and there are only a handful of rental properties or apartments. We have a 9% minority population at our school, in the heart of Atlanta, Georgia. There is an elementary school four blocks from us, on the other side of Peachtree that has a 70% minority population. Who wants to bet their PTA will not have raised enough funds to pay for a school nurse?
    Sick, broken, abused, or uneducated Americans, have a devastating and quantifiable impact on our economy. The cost to tax payers dwarfs the cost of prevention, 100 times over. Why are conservatives not the Champions of this investment to dramatically reduce the demand that is draining our States budget and crushing State agencies ability to serve?
    Why isn’t this a conservative talking point? Because the first, and most visible benefactors of prevention, are poor people, many of whom are also minorities. The When you have a portion of society that would rather light a cigar with a hundred dollar bill, than give it to some good for nothing loser to spend on his kids school, you have a surplus of old, wealthy, white men. The answer is so stupid, short sighted, and simple, that it leaves me breathless.
    I don’t skip oil changes in my car, because I’m indignant over my Honda’s since of entitlement and all those little “welfare” cylinders bouncing up and down screaming for more lubrication. I get my oil changed, because it’s cheaper than a new fucking engine! (And because the warning light and my Wife harass me until I do)

  9. Ian

    “I’m indignant over my Honda’s since of entitlement and all those little ‘welfare’ cylinders bouncing up and down screaming for more lubrication.”
    Oh my god, Salem, you still got it, baby!

  10. Lindsay

    “I can see lawyers spooling up their hyperdrives to go after airport agents who quarantine sniffly airline passengers. It would piss me off to no end to get yanked into a holding pen and miss a flight, etc. But should it?”
    (1) Since we are dealing in hypotheticals: there’s probably a law that says you can’t sue in such a situation. And probably some lawyer drafted it.
    (2) Even if there wasn’t, what would the passenger’s damages be? Probably not enough to make some ambulance-chaser care about 30% of it.
    But I do agree with you that most lawyers are jerks who should be ridiculed on principle.


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