i have a 25-wood and intend to use it


Lucy has been telling everyone I’m going to the South Pole. I mean, South Carolina, South Pole, who’s keeping track?

seen today en route from LAX to Myrtle Beach, SC:

• girl in security line wearing a cotton skirt that went down to her calves, then gathered into separate cuffs for each leg. Culottes? Potato sack race? Terry-cloth parachute? Not sure, but it was a dusty rose color, and she was very pretty, which made it all quite confusing.

• goth rocker in security line, who was 6’5″ until he took his platform glam boots, and then he was barely six feet tall. He had a guitar strapped to his back, and his glam boots had eight giant buckles each. He was very sweet, one of those “I didn’t find music, music found me” kind of gentlemen with almost vitiligous, alabaster pale skin. Ten minutes after I was out of the line, he was still taking one of his boots off.

• a generously obese woman with nice eyes sat behind me and told her neighbor, “I used to work at Walmart, but then someone approached me about being a plus-size model, and now… on a good day of modeling, I make four weeks’ worth of workin’ at Walmart.”

• small plane from Atlanta to Myrtle Beach seemed to use its last ten rows for “fear of flying” exposure therapy. The woman behind me hadn’t flown in two years and had restless leg syndrome (into the back of my chair) and the woman behind her hadn’t flown in 14 years (and was by far the most calm). The flight attendants knew about all of them, and was amazing. I felt blessed to have extincted that process in myself.

• draconian rules about liquids and Ziploc bags have forced passengers to load most of the their toiletries into their checked bags, or worse yet, forced passengers to check bags. This has coincided with the airline industry’s new draconian fees for checking baggage. (insert fuming mad emoticon here)

• golf has been ravaged by the recession, as you might have guessed. Nice resorts handing out deals in desperation, and you can have any tee time you’d like. Finally, plebes like me and Sean can play Davis Love III’s course!

0 thoughts on “i have a 25-wood and intend to use it

  1. ken

    Glad you brought up golf and Carolina. We’re trying to plan a multi-family trip to (either) Carolina for next spring. What’s a good (but not too pricey) seaside town with good golf, lodging and non-golf activities for the non-golfers?

  2. ms four

    Ken, you might consider Sunset Beach, NC. Golfers love it, and it has a lovely beach that, relatively speaking, isn’t too crowded. Plus you can get a pretty reasonable weekly rate on condos that are just inland (ie not on the island) and on golf courses. There are tons of condos here. My family of four stayed quite comfortably in a 2 bed, 2 bath condo on a golf course with nice views of crocs and birds in a pond, in a complex with a tennis court and swimming pool. The rate was about $650/week or so in June.
    As for non-golfing activities: shoppers can zip down to Myrtle Beach for outlets; you can mini-golf in North Myrtle; and of course you can do any of the shows and such in Myrtle, without actually staying in the chaos. It’s about 30 minutes or so from Sunset Beach to Myrtle Beach.
    And speaking of rules about liquids: I often have my liquids packed in their baggy and ready to go and then forget to take them out separately. No one has ever noticed. And I’ve often neglected to include a stray liquid (like eye drops) that no one has noticed. I don’t get the point of this rule at all.
    The other thing that drove me nuts during lots of airport travel this summer was the lack of consistency between TSA procedures at different airports. Do you want shoes on the belt or in the bin? Just choose one and stick with it.

  3. mom

    Have a great time away from L.A. Which is, of course, on fire. I had a dream that Tessa and Lucy were out in the ocean, just off your beach, like survivors of Pompeii, watching Venice, and the rest of L.A., burn to he ground.
    By the way, I couldn’t find “vitiligous” in any of my dictionaries. Finally found Michael Jackson’s claimed malady, “vitiligo,” and understood. Too much time on my hands? No, just insanely curious about words.

  4. GFWD

    Why do I have a sneaking suspicion you might be in the Dean Dome Friday night for a certain reunion game? Any truth to that rumor I just made up?

  5. Rebecca

    I find the TSA inconsistencies annoying too. I took 3 trips this summer, involving 10 different flights because you can’t fly direct anywhere anymore. Well, I flew direct from LAX to JFK. Anyway, one person let me take through 6 ounce juice boxes for my kids, but on another trip they made me throw away 4 ounce yogurt cups. Also, unbeknownst to my husband or my son, his grandpa had thrown a Swiss Army knife into his backpack, which got through security. Which we all found extremely frightening. Swiss Army knives = okay, yogurt cups = security risk!

  6. ChrisM

    I will never forget how badly I felt the first time I watched a TSA employee pull a distinguished, elderly man out of line, tell him to remove his belt and shoes, and then wand his whole body. The machine had beeped so the TSA guy was just doing his job, but that is precisely the problem. This sort of thing is one of the reasons people oppose goverment health care.
    P.S. I like Myrtle Beach, but suck at golf.

  7. Ian

    Mom, I made up “vitiligous”, because I thought it sounded cool, and refers directly to white skin. Feel free to put it into constant usage.
    CM, I always travel coach unless bumped. I can’t imagine how much discretionary income is necessary to travel first class everywhere. You might as well buy your own jet.
    craighiil, we’re doing the Barefoot Love course tomorrow…

  8. alyssa

    ian, the fashion crime that you observed is known as the “harem pant.” these guys were all the rage among the catalan youths when i was living in barcelona, and were usually accessorized with some sort of mullet-esque hairdo. that was three years ago, so i suppose it would make sense that they’d be hitting the american racks right about now.
    for your viewing pleasure, here is another, particularly heinous, example: http://bookmole.vox.com/library/photo/6a00c225280961549d00fa969352f10003.html

  9. Ian

    Oh my god, Alyssa, you are genius. That’s it – except the pants I saw had even less of a “pant leg”, I guess you could call it… it was only about four inches long, and the material was much more flouncy and cotton.
    GFWD – I wish I could be there for that game. That’s the kind of event you fly in for. But I’ll be in Napa for my dad’s 70th!


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