o canada


I know I’m on semi-illiterate break here until after Labor Day, but this made me so mad I wanted to throw a pot of capellini through our fucking plate-glass window: school districts in six states are refusing to show President Obama’s back-to-school address next week, and in other parts of the country, a rash of knuckle-dragging nimrod parents are keeping their kids home from school so he can’t “indoctrinate America’s children to his socialist agenda.” I realize there are plenty more things to be angry about, especially when it comes to the ethically bankrupt and profanely rotten right-wing faction in this country, but this time, I can’t control my rage.

Look, you addled, acid-blooded Republican yak fucks: the rest of us sat through your miserable excuse for a President for eight cruel and unusual years, putting up with his Parkinsonian smirk and wholesale butchering of the English language. We endured his torture panels, his wars, his fearmongering, his vindictive Christianity, his self-righteous denial of science and his prescription-drug-fueled inability to fathom the suffering of others. The last time YOUR guy addressed schoolchildren, he was trying to follow the plot to “My Pet Goat” while New York was on fire.

I’m a guttersnipe, fine, but you people have no decency, no honor, and have no goddamned idea what America is supposed to represent. Your entire lives have been given over to stopping Obama from accomplishing anything, by any means necessary, even when he’s trying to inspire kids to better themselves through education. You are fucking deranged. You think you’re “taking a stand”, but like all dim bulbs who latch onto the first theory that allows unlimited bitterness, you’re simply drunk on racism and your own bullshit.

Philosophically, you’re no more evolved than baby ducks who imprint themselves on the first thing they see – except your Mama Duck is the venal triumvirate of Coulter/Malkin/Limbaugh, and you carry guns. It sickens me that you are part of the national conversation in any way. It’s an abominable taxation of the First Amendment that your voice is heard at all, but hear it we must, I guess.

I have an idea: if you don’t like President Obama so much, and you hate the Federal Government with such a passion, why don’t you actually, you know, move somewhere else? God knows us progressives contemplated it every day under your regime. You should move somewhere that has a similar view of the rottenness of humanity, somewhere where the guy with the biggest gun makes the rules, where you actually get to kill people who aren’t in your tribe, and where you won’t be trifled with faggy liberals and their faggy ideas… how about Somalia?

Because I can take the shrill lunacy of your message, I can occasionally fathom the blind conviction of your terrible ideas, and sometimes I can even endure your crazy rationalizations for being racist, but I simply can’t stomach the overriding fact that you are all so motherfucking rude.