I got to thinking about gay marriage the other night, and had one of those… I guess you’d call it a Repetitive Epiphany. It’s when the enormity – both good and bad – of something hits you again after you hadn’t thought about it for a while. One of the best ones is “Wait a minute! WE’RE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS! GO HEELS!” One of the worst ones is “Wait a minute, a majority of people in [insert state here] elected to strip away the rights of their fellow Americans!”
It got me thinking about my own marriage, and I rapidly came to the fleeting conclusion that it wasn’t right for Tessa and I to be “married” in the legal American sense, just because we happen to be different genders. Why the fuck should we get to call ourselves “married” when Tessa’s best friend Jason and his partner Tim don’t? Why does my ding-dong and Tessa’s nortons qualify us for a social status that our friends L & S in Durham can’t have?
I was trying to think of a different way to say that I’m married, because being married in this country doesn’t mean shit if many of our best friends aren’t allowed to do it. I was contemplating what term I’d use to imply a lovely romantic and legal partnership, but couldn’t come up with one that didn’t make me sound like a blithering, flaccid, pretentious git.
But then I happened upon an awesome graph that put a lot of this into perspective, and – shock of shocks – actually made me feel better about this country of goddamn butt-pickers. Here ’tis:
Don’t look at this graph as a stationary object, imagine it as a fluid cartoon, moving inexorably towards the right part of your screen, marching into the future. Given that homophobia and bigotry are not traits that increase with wisdom, it won’t be long before all of those various dots cross over the 50% barrier.
The only states left with a majority of intolerant people under 29 are the truly challenged, religion-saturated simple-jack folk of states like Texas, South Carolina, Utah, Alabama and Oklahoma. Yes, North Carolina is hovering on the wrong side of 50%, but damn close (NATIONAL CHAMPS! GO HEELS! STOP HATING FAGS!)
If you needed any more proof about my recommendation to put most old people on an ice floe and kick it out to sea (which got me more hate mail than almost anything else I’ve ever put on here), you need to simply look at that intractable line of blue dook-colored dots to the left. Nice work, “Greatest Generation”… didn’t the vilification of an entire swath of people teach you anything?