ophiuchus just rolls off the tongue, don’t it


Hold on, now. Why is the story about how your Zodiac sign is actually a month off suddenly all over the news and internet? I thought it was vaguely common knowledge that the Zodiac was developed in Babylonian times, and the stars have shifted since then. The inciting article doesn’t even call the phenomenon by its real name: the “precession” of the Earth on its axis (although you can call it a “wobble” if you want, freshman!).

Not to scoop everybody or anything, but I wrote a “Wednesday’s Child” column on this sometime in 1989, and then went on to say that the instrument you played in school was a much better predictor of your basic nature than astrology. So I did a horoscope for you based on the peculiarities of having learned violin, or piano, or flute, trumpet, cello, etc…

Where was I? Oh yeah, I want credit! No wait, that sounds too needy. What am I trying to say? Now I’m completely confused.

0 thoughts on “ophiuchus just rolls off the tongue, don’t it

  1. Amy S.

    I know, right, Mark C? I want to know if Ian correctly predicted that my playing the trumpet would result in my also being single at age 35.
    Link to column or it didn’t happen.

  2. kent

    @Amy — as an orchestra nerd, it was common knowledge that the girls playing brass instruments could do amazing things with their embrouchure. Don’t know the correlation between that and a good love life, but at least you got that.

  3. littlerattyratratrat

    I don’t hold with this astrology stuff. There’s only one sure-fire, bone feed way to predict someone’s future:
    Jim put the quarter under the hair-ball, and got down and listened again. This time he said the hairball was all right. He said it would tell my whole fortune if I wanted it to. I says, go on. So the hairball talked to Jim, and Jim told it to me. He says:
    “Yo’ ole father doan’ know yit what he’s a-gwyne to do. Sometimes he spec he’ll go ‘way, en den agin he spec he’ll stay. De bes’ way is to res’ easy en let de ole man take his own way. Dey’s two angels hoverin’ roun’ ’bout him. One uv ’em is white en shiny, en t’other one is black. De white one gits him to go right a little while, den de black one sail in en bust it all up. A body can’t tell yit which one gwyne to fetch him at de las’. But you is all right. You gwyne to have considable trouble in yo’ life, en considable joy. Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick; but every time you’s gwyne to git well agin. Dey’s two gals flyin’ ’bout you in yo’ life. One uv ’em’s light en t’other one is dark. One is rich en t’other is po’. You’s gwyne to marry de po’ one fust en de rich one by en by. You wants to keep ‘way fum de water as much as you kin, en don’t run no resk, ‘kase it’s down in de bills dat you’s gwyne to git hung.”

  4. CM

    I was wondering why this was being mentioned in people’s Facebook status updates all of a sudden.
    What if you were pushed into an instrument by your parents? Does the instrument say something about you, or them?

  5. Piglet

    I’m making up my own new zodiac. The signs will be: Jabba the Hutt, Mack the Knife, Joe the Plumber, Bozo the Clown, Popeye the Sailorman, Fudgie the Whale, Atilla the Hun, Rosie the Riveter, Fucky the Squirrel, Sue the Bastard, Seize the Day and Sleepinwit the Fishes.

  6. Ellani

    Can your voice be an instrument? Otherwise, I assume there would be a whole new level of suckville, loserdom for those of us sans instruments in your new astro chart.

  7. Neva

    would love to hear the instrument horoscope theory Ian.
    I played bass clarinet – can’t wait to hear what you have to say about that one!


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