horror is a tsunami without hollandaise sauce


Man, who would have thought researching What To Do™ in the immediate aftermath of a natural or manmade disaster would take so much research? So many contingency plans, it’s like you need a decision tree the size of an actual tree to remember what the hell you’re supposed to be doing.

I’ve got a list of your favorite nightmare scenarios and cobbling together some good advice, but in the meantime, I absolutely must know something only vaguely related. I’m going to reprint a picture of an emergency supply kit that I used last Friday:


I made an offhand comment about it earlier, but now I’ve become obsessed: what the fuck is a WHISK doing in first aid kit? Tessa giggled for twenty minutes as we tried to think of various scenarios in which a whisk was necessary. The page where the photo was published asks these important questions…

“What are you most likely to do when you see a person who trips and falls and ends up with a bloodied face?”

“How about if someone gets caught in a fire or when there is this person who suddenly gets an asthma attack and stops breathing? How will you revive him?”

Clearly, you need a whisk. But how, O gentle readers? I asked Caitlin, our resident infectious disease specialist, and she thought it was for post-disaster pancakes. I asked my old roommate Vic, one of the finest GPs in North America, and he responded “maybe to mix shite with?”

Can this mystery be solved???


UPDATE… mystery solved (see comments)… how disappointing…

0 thoughts on “horror is a tsunami without hollandaise sauce

  1. another sue

    I believe you have answered your own question. Any disaster is best confronted with a positive mental attitude. Clearly a sense of humor is essential. Is it working for you now? Because I am sitting here grinning at 2 in the morning, knowing whatever disaster I face in my own future will be beaten into submission with my emergency whisk.

  2. Big Scott

    I can’t really see the entire contents of this kit, but I think that the whisk is included to deal with the protein powder that is included in many emergency preparedness kits. I guess the idea is to help those of us who are more gatherer than hunter by providing a shelf stable protein source so that we can get the sustenance that we would need in such an emergency. Unfortunately, those powders don’t dissolve well at all — hence the whisk. Me, I’m going to have a cocktail shaker with me in any emergency, so I’ll be unlikely to need said whisk.

  3. Just Andrew

    I’m just guessing here, but perhaps the whisk is to stir up and oxygenate the water so your koi don’t die. I’m basing that guess on the idea that the photo appears to show a first aid kit….for fish.
    KoiZyme? Koi First Aid Kit?

  4. Gina

    This is clearly a FISH first aid kit… no kidding. The whisk is for oxygenating the water if something happens to your pump, I’d assume. For Koi, as the bottles say. People are wild about Koi. Even in Japan, alas.
    This wasn’t very mysterious to me, but my first job was a pet store years ago…Your method of speculation sounds more fun!


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