choose the grail wisely

4/17/11

I’m on self-imposed deadline for tomorrow (and consequently sporting a disastrously Amish beard) so today we will have some code word questions I hope you will answer honestly, because it’s a big issue whether you know it or not. Here ’tis:

• Do you think you truly know what you want?

• Do you think you truly know what’s best for you?

• Do you think you might have been wrong at least 50% of the time?

• If you had followed all your preconceived notions, would you have ended up being with the same person you are now?

(feel free to be anonymous animals)

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0 thoughts on “choose the grail wisely

  1. Camel

    >> Do you think you truly know what you want?
    Yes.
    >>• Do you think you truly know what’s best for you?
    Not always.
    >>• Do you think you might have been wrong at least 50% of the time?
    Not 50 percent. That’s too high a number. Maybe 5-10 percent.
    >>• If you had followed all your preconceived notions, would you have ended up being with the same person you are now?
    Yes, because I’m shy and no one wanted me for all those years, so I had time to figure it out. Only really attractive, popular people get to choose mates based on their early, young preconceived notions.

    Reply
  2. Gazelle

    I believe that I do now. Taken almost 40 years but I think I’m there now.
    Yes. It may take a while but eventually I figure it out.
    Most definitely!
    No. I would have not been so damn insecure about my desirability.

    Reply
  3. Scott

    These questions puzzle me – the questions seem to have “preconceived notions” about my answers.
    >> Do you think you truly know what you want?
    Hmmm. On one hand, yes. To want something requires thought, and I’m pretty comfortable with my thinking being on the right course. Sometimes I want something that is not particularly good for me (mmmm, bacon cheeseburger), but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it then. I may regret that desire later on . . .
    But on the other hand, no. It seems that you can only want what you have conscious knowledge of. I have no idea what else is out there that I might want (e.g., I’ve never ridden a motorcycle. I might want one if I ever did!).
    >>• Do you think you truly know what’s best for you?
    Probably not. If I could have divine guidance every now and then, I’d probably realize that there are better choices to be made.
    >>• Do you think you might have been wrong at least 50% of the time?
    About what? Decisions made? I suppose every decision might be wrong at some level. None of my decisions were the absolute best that they could have been. Is stopping to answer these questions really a good (or the best) decision? Not sure.
    >>• If you had followed all your preconceived notions, would you have ended up being with the same person you are now?
    I think I’d be the same – or to phrase this differently – I think I have followed my preconceived notions, but have allowed those notions to be modified, polished and altered based on experience and new knowledge. But the preconceived notions persist.
    Did I think too much about these questions?

    Reply
  4. Anne

    Sorry; I can’t think this hard on a Monday morning. LOL!
    Besides, I’m still struggling a bit. (Read my blog post from earlier today.)
    I’ve been wondering with concern about XTCIAN readers in North Carolina. Is everyone OK after those horrific tornadoes?

    Reply
  5. dik-dik

    ive been struggling with this very issue for the last month! huge decision before me and i have to decide if im going to completely let go of my control issues and let the world do what it wants or force my will…
    i dont think my success percentage is 50 at all and it might be something like 30. and the last question is what it is all about. so many things colour the problem. i just hope i can decide quickly for him, for me.

    Reply
  6. josie

    • Do you think you truly know what you want?
    Based upon what I know, I know what I want. However, I don’t know what I don’t know.
    • Do you think you truly know what’s best for you?
    Yes.
    • Do you think you might have been wrong at least 50% of the time?
    No. I have certainly been wrong, but 50%?!? That does not sound like a functioning adult.
    • If you had followed all your preconceived notions, would you have ended up being with the same person you are now?
    I think the real question should start “Had You NOT followed your preconceived notions would you have ended up being with the same person you are now?”
    The other question assumes that you did not follow preconceived notions, yet at the time you probably did not recognize these notions to be preconceived. I think acknowledging this concept takes passage of time & experience.
    Sorry to split hairs – the nuance keeps me from wrapping my mind around that question, even anonymously.

    Reply
  7. anon-o-squirrel

    Usually, I like to follow Satchel Paige’s advice: “Don’t look back – something might be gaining on you.”
    But after reading these questions early this morning, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about them. So, I’ll go ahead and get it out of my system.
    Yes, I think I know what I want. Not all the specifics, but the broad strokes.
    And Yes, I think I know what’s best for me. I’m happy now and confident that I’m on the right track for long term happiness (with a little luck).
    I have definitely been wrong some, maybe 25% of the time. For the first 25% or so of my adult life, I thought happiness was all about money and I had a miserable existence then.
    I’ve puzzled all day over your last question. Is it really “would I have ended up being _with_ the same person?” or did you really mean “would I have ended up _being_ the same person?”
    In either case, the answer is “no.”
    I followed some of my preconceived notions until I realized they were dead ends. Since then, I’ve tried to let go of as many of the rest as possible and learn to listen and look at things from other points of view. To see the new day with new eyes. And as I get older, I’m surprised to realize that I keep becoming more open-minded, not less as I’d expected. I have found letting go (of preconceived notions and other useless baggage like guilt, etc) to be a real key to happiness. And I would surely be a different person if I still clung to them.
    As for the amazing person I’m with, we surely wouldn’t have met but for an unlikely, wonderful set of coincidences, none of which would’ve happened if I’d stuck to my original hypotheses. Or probably if she’d stuck to hers, either, come to think of it.

    Reply
  8. tbruns

    Do you think you truly know what you want?
    That is the biggest problem I face…I’m 44 and I still don’t know what I truly want
    • Do you think you truly know what’s best for you?
    The situation becomes fluid then what is best one day turns to shit the next and then is not so bad
    • Do you think you might have been wrong at least 50% of the time?
    50% is too high however 30% sounds about right..it always seems like something is nagging about the decision and then you change your mind
    • If you had followed all your preconceived notions, would you have ended up being with the same person you are now?
    I believe that of all the things that I have done I made the absolute right decision in marrying and being with the person I am with now…I never wavered in my belief that she was going to be the one..and here we are 16 years later…still moving forward
    Thanks for the therapy..I’ll leave my nickel in the cup

    Reply
  9. dik-dik

    OK then I will give a sample situation and maybe some of the people on here can help lil ol’ me!
    Boyfriend is wonderful 80 percent of the time.
    The other 20 percent of the time I dont understand anything he is talking about or does. No violence or anything like that, just erratic behavior and very very annoying character traits.
    Unspoken understanding that we might be heading toward being together forever. LIke married. It would be up to me to stop it at this point.
    Being with him feels totally right (like it was “meant to be”) despite “20 percent” complaint. Even so, I cant imagine doing this relationship for eternity.
    If I stop it now, it would be a decision I would make with my intellect and I would be forcing control on fate. How can I make a mental decision about something emotional? What is there to do??

    Reply
  10. tregen

    • Do you think you truly know what you want?
    Right this second? for a life time? these are age old questions – for the record – Yes, I know what I want right now…I have no idea what I will want next week, month, year, decade. It’s called age and experience.
    • Do you think you truly know what’s best for you?
    See above.
    • Do you think you might have been wrong at least 50% of the time?
    See above
    • If you had followed all your preconceived notions, would you have ended up being with the same person you are now?
    Of course not. However, this is why to be educated we must travel and read, in order to broaden our preconceived motions as wide as possible. Less reading/traveling/experience= narrower and more preconceived notions.
    This is question is always an easy out for giving ourselves an excuse for not fixing or being responsible for the things we don’t like about ourselves but taking full credit and ignoring all those who helped us along the way for the things we do like about ourselves.

    Reply
  11. Ehren

    • Do you think you truly know what you want?
    I’m choosing to interpret this using “want” meaning “lack.” I think I get closer and closer to knowing what I really need to be satisfied all time, and that I turned a real corner on this in my early 30s.
    • Do you think you truly know what’s best for you?
    This is sort of the same question for me as #1. It gets better all the time. It’s sort of like a dampened sine wave, with my course corrections getting smaller all the time.
    • Do you think you might have been wrong at least 50% of the time?
    I assume you mean, wrong about whether what I was selecting was what I needed to be happy. It’s too hard for me to judge. I’m happy now, despite mistakes, but I’m not sure a different course would’ve made me happier, so it’s hard to tell whether I was right or wrong. I only did the experiment (becoming me) one time.
    • If you had followed all your preconceived notions, would you have ended up being with the same person you are now?
    I feel like I did follow my preconceived notions, and it got me exactly where I am. I believed in merit over networking when I was young, but these days I feel I was silly for being against networking, and find it fun these days. So my pre-conceived notions have shifted, but not my belief in them.

    Reply
  12. What's a dik dik?

    DIK DIK, I doubt any happily married couple on this list is wonderful to her (or his) spouse 80% of the time. So, aiming for higher than that might be a dream.
    I am more curious to know if any of the anonymous animals on this list married the person they believe to be their soulmate. Or, if they didn’t marry their soulmate, why not. Or, if they met their soulmate AFTER they got married to another, what did they do?

    Reply

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