oh fer heaven’s sake


I’m not offended by much – remember, I was the one who carbonated my urine several times during the ’80s – but again, I have to be a wet blanket and say that all this talk of The Rapture® and The Apocalypse™ is offensive, boring, and gives a bunch of crazy-ass fuckshirts way more attention than they deserve. No offense to commenters and other friends who have mentioned the meme in good-natured fun, but seriously, the media frenzy over this one is sickening.

Yes, I’ve said this before, and YES, I take drugs for anxiety and YES I was once trapped by apocalyptic dread, which means this kind of shit strikes me at a level more acute than your average pussywillow, but aren’t any of you embarrassed? Doesn’t this kind of thing give you Stupid Feeling©?

I have a sense of humor about pretty much everything in the world. I will pretty much stop functioning if anyone farts. I laughed at something my brother said about “Schindler’s List”. And though I pretended otherwise, I knew both jokes about the Challenger explosion the day it happened. But this Rapture stuff is utterly super-creepy to me and just makes me want to go hug Lucy.

Perhaps it is, like Morrissey sang, “too close to home and too near the bone” for me to think clearly on’t. Time passes and roads are paved over hell, but you never quite get the brimstone out of your nostrils.

0 thoughts on “oh fer heaven’s sake

  1. Jodi

    Eh, it’s really just like a meme to those of us who don’t share your feelings. I’d be equally interested in “Keyboard Cat Weekeend” or somesuch.

  2. chaircrusher

    I think you’re too hard on the apocalyptics. It is a recurrent religious idea; no matter how many times people are wrong about the end of the world, people still predict it and people still believe in it. It is a deeply seductive idea for people of a certain psychological bent and religious persuasion.
    It also exhibits my fundamental problem with the concept of religious faith, namely: if you are willing to believe one thing in the absence of evidence, how do you then discriminate between things you SHOULD take on faith and those that are absurd? The standard of proof for believing in salvation through Christ and alien abduction are exactly the same.
    What the former has going for it is a long tradition, a formal framework, and lots of peer reinforcement. And if you want to believe in it, be my guest. But if you do, beware all the other unprovable things that people might want to sell you.

  3. CM

    Well, aren’t you just extending the conversation? Let’s talk about something more important: What were the two Challenger jokes? There was “No, a Bud Light”…and, “What does NASA stand for?” (The S was “set of” or “seven” depending on who told the joke.) But there might have been more. What kinds of jacket were they wearing? Embers Only. (That was a David Koresh joke but it might have had origins in Challenger.) I bet there were more. Let’s not shortchange everyone.

  4. Tanya

    Media frezny? What media frenzy? I recall a couple stories on cnn.com and some mentions on Facebook, but that’s about it. I was mildly amused at the idea and thought about using the Rapture as a justification to eat the damn doughnut I’ve been craving for a month. But otherwise, it passed unnoticed in my house and mind.

  5. GFWD

    You actually paid attention to the rapture talk? That’s on you, I think. The only way I would have been remotely interested is if I were a single, younger guy and the zealots lived near me. Then I think I would try to make myself available in the event there were any hot fanatics who wanted to try to both come AND go on the same day. But aside from that, I always lop those folks in with the Kool-Aid drinkers in Guyana, the tennis shoe cult folks in San Diego, the Waco Wackos and the people on top of the skyscraper in the movie Independence Day, etc.

  6. Brad

    The jokes got tiresome but most people seemed to be making fun of crazy shit religions believe and that’s always OK with me.
    It didn’t annoy me nearly as much as the royal wedding.

  7. Scott

    I was going to let this whole meme/event/mass hysteria pass without comment. But then, my secretary sitting outside of my office began to preach to whomever would listen about the impending doomsday of December 21, 2011. According to her, this is the day when three Mayan calendars merge together and then veer apart. Apparently there is also some television show/youtube clip that was purportedly filed in 2005 that “predicts all of these earthquakes, and tsunamis and tornadoes and floods and things like that” which have occurred since 2005. To top all of this off, this cycle of disasters appraently got kicked off in 2005 and we’ve just been witnessing massive 100-year disasters since then, unable to put together the pieces without the aid of a Mayan calendar interpreter.
    Oh, and she still thinks Obama was born in another country – she’s a CLASSIC, gun-toting, religious espousing, die-hard Republican who, without fail, spouts some of the most racist comments every day.
    Is there a connection here? You betcha.
    So, Ian – my problem with the apocalyptic folks is this – they are dumber than a box of hammers and are genuinely keeping humanity from moving forward. I put Kirk Cameron in this category.
    To a bigger, though related question, why don’t atheists jump up and down about stuff like this more often? Simple – fear. The religious nuts are so prevalent, so extreme and so fervent in their beliefs that I am constantly afraid one of them is going to kill me and be thinking that they are doing “God’s work” as they pull the trigger. Are all religious people to be feared? No, of course not. But I’m not worried about an atheist extremeist.
    Ok, back to work.

  8. Bud

    A lot of things give me Stupid Feeling, including a lot of religion/superstition/magical thinking.
    That being said, I understand belief in God or a Higher Power or a GAOTU.
    I know it’s not logical, or testable or scientifically valid, but I have always felt inside myself something I call, for lack of other understanding – God. A spark of the divine. I believe other living beings also have this spark of the divine and that it permeates the entire universe. Because of this, I believe it’s my responsibility to increase the happiness and reduce the suffering of other living beings.
    I don’t expect anyone else to share this belief – and I find it…unfair…when people who believe other illogical, untestable things DEMAND that other people embrace those beliefs or when they reject the illogical, untestable beliefs of others.
    Where do we come from? Where do we go after we die? How will humanity, earth and the universe end? What does our existence mean or matter? These and many other questions are beyond the reach of logic or science and almost certainly always will be. I believe religious belief is natural and healthy for humans (and there is some scientific evidence to back that up).
    I don’t find Rapture or Apocalypse theories offensive – unless they involve hurting people in order to fulfill some prophecy or other. The only things I find offensive about religion are 1) hurting living beings in the name of religion or 2) forcing others to accept particular beliefs (or unbeliefs for that matter).

  9. Bud

    Oh – and the media frenzy? Totally understandable.
    When you make such a specific, huge prediction, you’re practically begging for ridicule and humiliation.
    In the words of the Quentin Tarantino character in Four Rooms: “The less a man makes declarative statements, the less apt he is to look foolish in retrospect.”

  10. Dr J

    Only one thing bothered me about the media frenzy: the Rapture Prediction is only about 5% more irrational and inane than anything you’d hear in 95% of the churches, synagogues, and mosques of the world on any given day. The people who eat and drink the body and blood of Christ (to take just one example) every Sunday have no right to laugh at these other fools.

  11. wottop

    Stupidity comes from painting large groups of people as fools, right Dr J?
    I see your statement to be no different than any other racist or misogynistic one you might have rendered.

  12. kent

    @wottop — if you can’t discriminate between what Ian did and hate speech then … well obviously we have nothing to talk about because you’re writing to us from a disjoint reality.
    And I defended the people convinced of the impending apocalypes. I don’t think they can help themselves — they caught that idea like a virus for which they have no antibodies.

  13. Neva

    Oh come on Ian. I thought the whole idea of post rapture looting was pretty darn funny. Funnier than fart jokes anyway.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.