your panphobia has pantaphobia


So… it’s been a long time since we talked. I mean, really talked. Really rapped with each other, you digging me?

So how are you? Lurkers, regulars, is your summer panning out the way you wanted? Any major crossroads? Any problems? Any big-picture life issues, any niggling yet chronic annoyances… write ’em down, we’ll solve them.


0 thoughts on “your panphobia has pantaphobia

  1. Anne

    Oh, twist my arm.
    The fabulous one-year freelance job that would have taken me to Russia for 10 days in June tanked at the end of May for reasons I won’t go into here. I’m back on the dole and not getting any nibbles from jobs I’ve applied for. On the plus side, we’re having a summer of amazing weather so far on the RI shore and I’m tan (my last remaining vice), my gardens are amazing, and my dog is well trained from daily practice. Trying to keep my chin up, blah blah.

  2. The Red Dragon

    Doing much better, thanks. The mystery illness has gone asymptomatic for the past month, and I’m remembering what it’s like to actively participate in life rather than merely existing. I’ve lost 25% of my body weight, and am enjoying not feeling like such a middle-aged fat ass. I’m working out like crazy (because I don’t know how else to combat a phantom illness) and have a ton of energy.
    On the down side, my partner of 14 years is suddenly irritating the piss out of me on a daily basis, my boss still sucks, and my salary is still laughable. On bad days, I’m quite sure that I’m going to end up broke and alone. But hey, at least I have my health (for now).

  3. CM

    Anne, I read your blog and I’m sorry to hear about the freelance gig, but the rest sounds very appealing.
    Well, my 10 month old son is wonderful! It’s a joy to see him every morning, standing up in his crib waiting to be picked up. Other family stuff, I won’t go into here. But the weather has been fabulous here in Jersey also. And I’m about to send a teen novel to my agent, so I’m hoping she’ll think it’s marketable. The thing about writing is, it helps you dream. This book may be a piece of crap, but it may also change my life. Who knows?
    I hope everyone is having a fulfilling summer!
    Oh, and please don’t end up like this guy (I love this song):

  4. Lurker Ann

    My husband and I had a beautiful baby boy in June. As a 41-year-old first time mother who tried to get pregnant for two and a half years, I’m very thankful and enjoying (almost) every minute of it. At the moment, I’m taking each day as it comes, except that I’ve already arranged to meet a couple of childminders next week for a scheduled return to work date of January. We can’t really afford for me not to work for any longer than that (ideally a year or two), yet we possibly could if we made some drastic changes. My problem is that we’re both procrastinators and tend to let decisions make themselves. If we take that approach though, we may end up regretting it.
    Hmm, actually talking it out has helped! Thanks. My 5c is in the mail.

  5. kevin from NC

    Me and the wife of 25 years just split up 4 weeks ago in very shocking fashion. (I had been shopping for 25th anniversary presents the week before). I have moved into an apartment that was the servant’s quarters for a beatifully contructed 1927 home.
    She met someone new 11 days after we split and began living with him the next day. She told me a week later they were going to be buying a house together soon.
    Been a very tough summer but I know things are getting brighter for me. Peace. k

  6. Anonymous

    Kevin…I don’t want to be the one to say this…but are you sure she didn’t meet him BEFORE the split?
    Hang in there. I’m having some marital issues too but I won’t include my name.
    The 1927 house sounds cool, anyway.

  7. LFMD

    Oh, Ian. All is well overall, yet four areas of my life keep me up at night.
    House: our 43 year old house has needed some very expensive repairs lately. The costs seem to never end. Very discouraging. Just this week, we had an unpleasant situation with the septic system that was costly. Whole thing had me in tears.
    Family: husband and I are getting along well, and daughter is thriving. She is 12 now, and I am learning about living with a preteen. It is hard. Daughter is still very sweet, but she is starting to evaluate me with a critical eye and distancing herself from me. It is all age-appropriate behavior, but it breaks my heart.
    Finances: money always has me worried. ALWAYS. As much as we try to save $$, issues with the house, daughter’s private school tuition, general cost of living, etc. prevent me from banking anything. I worry about retirement all the time and fear that I will need to work much longer than I ever wanted to.
    Work: I recently threw my hat into the ring for a high-profile director position within the Legal Department at the Insurance Job. Had my first interview yesterday, and it went well. Dilemma is that I like what I do now, but I felt compelled to try for this new position because the increase in salary would be huge for me and my family (and would alleviate some of the financial worries referenced above!) However, I am in such a comfort zone/rut with my current job that the idea of putting on an interview suit and chatting up the higher-ups turns my stomach. And, if I get the job, having a staff and learning a whole new role has me very stressed. On one hand, I know that growth in the workplace, taking on leadership positions, and challenging myself are all good things. On the other hand, in all honesty, I am lazy, don’t really like interacting with people very much at work, and like to spend my work days on autopilot.
    I have this ongoing struggle going on in my mind about this new position. Frankly, I don’t have the self-confidence I used to have in the working world, and I am content to stay in my cubicle, doing what I have done for the past 10 years. Then again, I feel that I owe it to myself to try for the job and get paid what I am worth and challenge myself. Of course, the decision may be made for me, if I am not chosen, so to fret about this is a big waste of time.
    Anyway, wish me luck with the possible job. The LFMD family really needs this boast financially, and I probably need the boast from a self-esteem perspective.

  8. Caroline

    My summer is the best one I’ve had in years. I had a long-undiagnosed thyroid problem that I got fixed last fall and now I feel amazing. My husband and I went on a 10 day trip to London, one of my favorite places, and had a fabulous time. My husband is the most fabulous guy and I’m still super crazy about him. We went to see my in-laws (meh) over the 4th and everyone was calm and got along for a change –woo. My birthday is Sunday and I’m going to see Paul McCartney at Yankee stadium tomorrow. We’re having a big party next week. We have lots if weekend plans but not so many that it’s annoying. This summer is rad. Better than in years and years.

  9. Anonymous, too

    First, Kevin, I am so sorry. Like Anonymous, I also suspect she was involved before the split. I’m not sure if alimony will become relevant to your spit, but in NC adultery has a significant impact on alimony. A cheating spouse can be prohibited from receiving alimony. There’s also that crazy Alienation of Affection claim! I’m wondering if your wife is aware of these issues.

  10. xuxE

    suckiness abounds. but i have a hopefully awesome AND hopefully fruitful visit to L.A. next week filled with pitching and partying! YEAH!!

  11. xuxE

    oh AND the other awesomeness that combats all things sucky is my son got accepted to the Crowden school for violin! big big deal for him/us, hopefully he is set now from 4th to 8th grade. so glad the torture of figuring out his school situation is over, stress of that shit took several years off my life expectancy.

  12. xuxE

    Kevin my prescription for you is to start doing the most amazingly fun shit you can think of, starting immediately.

  13. emma

    Kevin – sooo sorry! I agree with xuxe.
    LFMD – I commisserate with the septic problems – had ours pumped recently and the gurgling is back. Gonna have to replace lines and unfortunately, our septic tank in beneath our concrete basketball court – it is going to be a HUGE headache. I am putting it off and it will probably bite me in the butt in more ways than one.
    I can so relate to your job situation too. I am so comfortable in my parttime job that I have lost all ambition to “move up.” But for the next ten years, I really don’t mind a bit as I need to focus on the kids before they leave the nest. Fortunately, I don’t feel any pressure to make more money. Best of luck with the job interview process – they would be crazy to give the job to anyone else!

  14. carolyn

    Kevin: that blows. I don’t know you, but I sense you deserve better. MUCH better. I agree with xuxe. actually everyone. When I hear about marital issues it really breaks my heart. I noticed the core issues tend to boil down to one thing – broken communication. I consciously work on communication with my s.o. on a daily basis. Problem is, it takes two to tango and when the other party isn’t receptive, or doesn’t want to be, it erodes at the foundation.
    LFMD: I’ve seen your comments here over the years and can I just say something? Good. FUCKING GO FOR THE GOLD. Make it happen for yourself. Its so empowering to just take control. Reclaim your youth and vitality and go for what you want.
    Here’s my update:
    Things with the bf are in sharper focus. I have been patient with his work (owns a company as well as works full time) for months, delaying the #realtalk until end of May. The trigger was when he suggested we get a place together and then renegged a week later. Days after I gave 60 day notice to my landlord!(which I was able to take back, as I have a good relationship with my landlord) So I laid out the grievance in calm, rational bullet point fashion – which in essence is I feel as though I am not and have not been for quite some time a priority and that he is stringing me along. There have been a few examples of skewed priority when it comes to weekend plans and last minute shifts because of imposing unneccessary house guests and friends that I won’t go into detail here. The thing is I’m fine stepping back when it comes to deadline for life/game changing work stuff but bail on me last minute because of your friend’s poor planning? That’s fratboy bullshit and I’m having none of that. Are there next steps? Frankly at this point if I have to bring it up and wonder the answer is no. He says he wants to marry me, but is unsure about having children which makes him hesitant. I told him that it has come across as withholding of affection and love (for months!), that pushing me away is not the way to work that out. I told him I didn’t have another year or even another month. Oh and I haven’t seen any action plan either. The resolution: I told him I’m moving on and I have begun to see a future without him. He’s stepped up quite a bit since, but its frankly too little too late. I have a dinner date on Monday with someone new. .
    Career/Work/Finances are a total shitstorm. Savings are depleted, credit cards maxed out, borrowing against 401k. It was between me and one other person after three rounds of interviews for a fulltime lucrative director level position and it went to someone else. My attempts at setting up my own business management practice have stalled out: my one to be steady client has turned out to have major structural/funding issues and is being a dick about paying me in a timely fashion. I keep finding businesses that desparately need someone to step in and be a finance manager but don’t value finance/legal/operational expertise and expect to pay $15 – $20 an hour and that’s IF they can even pay your invoice. I got turned down for a parttime clerical job because there was lesser qualified candidate and they worried I would be bored. I was willing to work at what they were offering and give them more for their money. I’m on the string to go fulltime long term contract for this well and fair paid/funded gig, but the woman in charge is a notorious self involved flake. We were supposed to meet a week ago Friday, and when that didn’t pan out, the excuse I was given secondhand was she was busy entertaining out of town guests and had a hair processing appointment. Because you know, having bleach blonde hair is much more of a priority than having your business and finances covered and organized. Supposedly I’m still the number one and only choice, SHE just needs to get around to meeting me so I can start. UGH! My agent got fired/quit our agency so I am without decent rep for commercial stuff. I’ve hustled a few solid auditions on my own, actually ALL of the 5 auditions for commercials I have had over the last four months have been because of my relationships with casting directors. My artistic spirit is crushed and I’ve lost my love for acting. I feel broken and alone. I’m meeting up with a friend later to teach me how to pour drinks so I can bullshit my way into a bartend job. Please universe, I need a solid win. I just need something to break for me. PLEASE.

  15. kevin from NC

    Thanks for the support.. I am getting better everyday. Was around her 6 hours today prepping the house to go on the market. We already don’t even know one another anymore we have gone that far.
    No she just met this guy.. It was two different guys before the split.
    xuxE I will be in New Orleans in 2.5 weeks.
    And Carolyn, you are correct about communication and I deserve better.. I never deserved this.


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