Before we start the weekend proper, I wanted to THANK ALL OF YOU that went over to Tessa’s blog and made it one of the most-commented personal essays the Huffington Post’s Parenting section has run. It was even picked up in the U.K., and here in the U.S., they put it above-the-fold with a hilarious stock photography image:
All of this is wonderful, because there’s a book idea brewing in there, and if you take out the comments that misspell Lucifer and Job (among others in the Bible), there’s a pretty good dialogue going on. Many of you fine folks made that possible.
There’s always so much judgment from others when it comes to fertility issues, which makes most women leave smoke bombs in their wake, obfuscating their true intentions, or glossing over shit they’d rather not explain. In a nutshell, here are a few observations about the World of Not Having Babies By Simply Bonin’:
• there is a vague but insidious notion that women over a certain age – let’s say 43 or 44 – are not worthy of pregnancy, and should just get over it already.
• as I’ve stated before, jack-off rooms for guys involved in IVF have the worst pornography curation imaginable. Seriously, I’d rather they have Cat Fancy or Scientific American over the crap in there.
• when you go through a bunch of miscarriages, and everyone around you effortlessly pushes out another child, it pisses you off. It is not your finest emotion, to be sure, and it’s not really directed at them, but there t’is.
• many women, especially actors in their late 40s, are using donor eggs but not telling anyone about it. They have a right to privacy, of course, but it is extremely misleading to the rest of women who think they can have their own biological child at 48 because of the miracle of science.
• the more involved you get in fertility efforts, the more you feel like Icarus flying too close to the sun, not just because people “tut-tut” your supposed freakish determination, but because you yourself start thinking you’ve moved too far away from The Way Things Are Supposed to Work.
• that, however, is an illusion, because none of us knows the way things are supposed to work.
• the day when women are able to reliably freeze their eggs for later fertilization will mark the real beginning of female emancipation. Currently, there is no good way to do it – but when you can harvest 50 eggs at the age of 20, flash-freeze them, and actually wait until you meet a decent partner… then the biological clock will stop ticking, and a generation of women will set that clock on fire and throw it into a canyon. It will be the game-changer Roe vs. Wade was, maybe bigger.
There’s so much more, but for now, I’m just proud of my wife, able to turn such a rotten 4-year experience into something positive. One correction, however: on the front page shown above, the article is titled “A Would-Be Mom’s Search”. As hundreds of you already know, Tessa is no Would-Be Mom. She is already one of the best moms on the planet, and I feel blessed every second I watch her do it.