That’s it. I’m declaring this to be Analog Summer. I won’t have a functioning computer for another two weeks, it’s the middle of August when nothing works anyway, and besides, what are we doing in front of a computer monitor ANYWAY?
I’m not trying to be a Luddite, I’m just mindful that we – yes, WE – are going to be the last generation that remembers a time when we weren’t so goddamned tethered to a working internet, and wireless shit, and constantly being updated by what both Libya and our 5th-grade lab partner were doing today.
We are going to be the last cohort of people with a fairly broad range of non-digital skill sets at our disposal… you want calligraphy? I can do that, just give me the right pen. You want sleight-of-hand tricks? Give Salem an afternoon, he’ll make your motherfucking dime disappear. You want potato enchiladas from memory? My brother Kent will make ’em all special like.
On Tuesday, I’m going to Napa Valley to help my dad recuperate from Lyme Disease, which means assembling their new barbecue, setting up his office, and hooking up his turntable (ANALOG!). At the same time, Tessa will be outlining a new script idea while taking breaks to work on a new jump in ice skating, and Lucy will be attending a week of local theater camp, all of which I consider fine analog activities.
I will be dispatching this blog from a balustrade of semaphores lining the roof, then sent through a vacuum-tubed oscilloscope and flung out on a forty-meter radio wave to reach you. How you then translate this information is your digital secret, but as long as it’s Analog Summer, can you list some skills you’re able to pull out if there’s a full electricity blackout and internet shutdown?
• the aforementioned calligraphy (including Gothic and Celtic, fuckers!)
• gardening, with emphasis on tomatoes, peaches and strawberries
• crown moulding and chair rails
• Morse Code, violin and quiz questions (the Please Beat Me Up Triumvirate of childhood)
• fireplace technology
• proletariat astronomy
• 3-point shot
• when that isn’t sinking, then callous scorched-earth profanity
• animal husbandry
• actually, I don’t have that skill, but it always sounded so awesome
• Boggle, Connect Four, Stratego, Othello, Spades, and Rook
a partially-damaged B&W Polaroid of my dad on an old B&W television show, next to wired phone circa ’66 = awesome