these were the best you could do


Man, I don’t know how you Republicans are able to get up in the morning. Has there ever been a more sorry collection of carnival assclowns jockeying for position on the GOP Dum-Dum train? They’re like the Washington Generals, except the Generals occasionally made a layup.


The Wash. Generals logo: creepy, minstrel-ish and depicting a foul all at once

If I were a sensitive, old-school, rational Republican – and I know some of you are out there – I would rend my garments in disgust over the all-star team of numbskulls culled from the Island of Misfit Pols. The entire crop positively reeks of sexual dysfunction – the only candidates who aren’t marauding philanderers are either repressed Mormons or married to a self-loathing closet case.

You’ve got Newt Gingrich, who actually had to make a pact not to cheat on his third wife and is so unhinged as to be actually scary. Mitt Romney is made of wobbly, beige Jell-o and has the ideological consistency of a pre-schooler on a gummi worm bender. Herman Cain was a disgrace to Hermans and canes everywhere, Michele Bachman is 15 cats away from being a batshit crazy 15-cat lady, and Rick Perry is either kidding, or ought to be locked in a basement.

These should be characters on a zany BBC sitcom from the early ’90s, and instead, they are your nominees for the President of the United States. I would argue two things: first of all, this isn’t just bad luck – it’s the natural byproduct of a toxic mindset. You can’t have a political party dedicated to the current conservative agenda and expect real people to rise to the top.

Secondly, as much as it’s fun for progressives to see the shit-pizza the Republicans are currently baking, the kind of scorched-earth, race-to-the-cellar cruelty and mallrat evangelism found in these GOP debates is actually bad for our country. Just as UNC’s hatred for a good Dook team drives us to be even better, everyone in America benefits from a real conversation between two opposing ideologies, assuming one of the ideologies can put forth anything other than nihilism and lies.

Sure, the Democrats haven’t always had awesome candidates. Dukakis wasn’t our strongest bet (even though he was beating George H.W. Bush substantially before he got Willie Hortoned and tanked). Mondale wasn’t exactly inspiring, and I always had serious problems with John Kerry. But at least you could engage them in debate, and take their ideas seriously, whether you agreed with them or not.

Likewise, I can engage in debate with many of you self-avowed conservatives on this blog. Because of it, I’ve softened on some positions, hardened on others. I don’t believe any of you to be cynical, mean-spirited, unwittingly (or secretly) racist, homophobic, or – perhaps most damning – assume the absolute worst of people. Yet your candidates for President absolutely wallow in it.

Are you really going to hold your nose and vote for one of them because any of them are better than President Obama? Because that’s not good enough. These cretins are beneath you.

0 thoughts on “these were the best you could do

  1. Kevin_In_Philadelphia

    The worst part about this cadre of numbskulls is that they make Ron Paul seem like a good choice choice. End all foreign interventions? Audit the Fed? Let businesses fail when they fuck up? All of this sounds awesome, and is what President Obama should be doing – at least, that’s what I voted for him to do. Then Paul talks about eliminating half of the federal government, eliminating SSI, Medicare, Medicade, welfare, foodstamps, and every other socially responsible program, and I remember that he is a crazy bastard as well.
    I wonder if this is how the Romans felt?

  2. John

    Insert standing ovation here.
    The true power brokers of the GOP have to be horrified at this crop of imbeciles. For the party that detests Obama you would think they could find one individual that is worthy of the office and could form a coherent thought. I sincerely expect / anticipate a more worthy candidate to pop up at the last second and make he/she look so much more appealing compared to this group (none come to mind I admit). The only good thing to come from these primary debates is to show America once and for all that the GOP is the party of big business,hateful bigots and ultimatley the party of no valuble worthy ideas. Just curious Ian- who would you consider to be a acceptable GOP candidate?? For what its worth I’ll be voting Dem again eevn though Barack has dissapointed in some areas (not strengthening S.S. comes to mind)

  3. Sincerely Curious

    Why do we have to be involved in foreign wars? Why can’t we fortify a fence around the oil and park battleships off the coast of any hotbeds and leave it at that? Why do we have to spend so much time, effort and American lives interfering in others’ problems.

  4. Bob

    I try to keep a positive attitude, but it’s hard to see how democracy will continue to thrive when one of the two major political parties is mentally ill.

  5. Piglet

    “For the party that detests Obama you would think they could find one individual that is worthy of the office and could form a coherent thought.”
    They can. Several individuals, actually.
    The problem is that none of them can win a Republican primary. No one in the base of Epsilon-Morlocks they’ve nurtured since 1967 will vote for them.


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