simply having

12/19/11

Over at Jezebel, they’ve been offering a “March Madness”-style bracket pitting the worst Christmas songs in the canon against each other. I have to say a few of my least-favorites were unfortunately voted off early: “Santa Baby”, “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” should have lasted longer by dint of their pure putrescence.

On the other hand, I sorta always liked McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” (find the mash-up of this song and “Jenny on the Block” here if you want pure brilliance) and I don’t know why they gotta be mean to ol’ Frosty. But the rest are pretty spot on… whaddya think?

ChristmasWorstSongBrackets.jpg

UPDATE…

[The previous link to “Christmas on the Block” didn’t work, so I changed it to my own link above… all credit goes to Mark Vidler at Go Home Productions for the original, and if you like it, you can always donate to the artist via Paypal for a job insanely well done. -ed.]

0 thoughts on “simply having

  1. Scruggs

    For me, the final four are spot on. My least favorite Christmas song is Baby Its Cold Outside. It is just stupid, and in theory suggests no doesn’t necessarily mean no. I like Do They Know it’s Christmas. No way would I ever put O Holy Night in the bracket, if only for the versions by Tracy Chapman and Mariah.

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  2. Deb

    Kind of pissed that my new most hated didn’t even get on the bracket. Little Saint Nick??? Are you kidding me??? I love the Beach Boys but ZOMFG.
    That said, if the fucking shoe song doesn’t win, we know this whole thing was a sham.

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  3. ken

    HOW does “Santa Baby” lose to “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”? How is it a #8 seed?
    The melody and musicianship of “Do They Know It’s Christmas” is actually quite good, the lyrics, insipid.

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  4. wyatt

    Baby It’s Cold Outside was a weak #1 seed, making Frosty a sure-thing to survive the first round in the South. The East is BRUTAL, and a #7 could take the whole thing. I have no scouting report on The Christmas Shoes; it must not be in the holiday heavy rotation of the local robo-radio. The West is a platter of red and green cupcakes except for Last Christmas which should have run the table, but it fell early to the Carpenters, who clearly couldn’t recover from that effort to match up with the Walrus, fresh off a first round bye. My pick is Two Front Teeth.

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  5. JB

    My least favorite didn’t even make the tourney – “All I Want For Christmas Is You”. NIT bound? And I’m not crazy about ‘Home for the Holidays’ either; that should have at least made the play-in game.
    And I don’t understand how ‘Last Christmas’ got in as a 7. It’s clearly a 1 or 2.
    How do we feel about The Waitresses’ ‘Christmas Wrapping’? Yea? Nay? I go hot and cold on it… or should I say Heat Miser and Cold Miser on it! (Sorry. It’s late.)

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  6. Halsted

    I had never heard that Christmas Shoes song until I read this post. So … thanks? It is the single-most manipulative song I have ever heard, so I want it to win the whole shebang.

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  7. kent

    I somehow managed to get through this season without hearing a lot of christmas carols. And the guy down the block who had outdoor speakers on the front of his house died so that source of irritation is gone. So I’m feeling a bit more charitable to the genre.
    I have been rather liking the Sugarland version of O Come O Come Emmanuel. It’s all about the acoustic arrangement, where they avoid the usual Nashville schmaltz.
    http://youtu.be/MdpRtSrntZw

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  8. CM

    JB, I was looking for that Waitresses song on there. Yek.
    Hmmm, I must have missed the hippopotamus one for all these years.
    I must be grinchy, because I always hated “Little Drummer Boy.” Even as a kindergartener I knew it made no sense.

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  9. Chuck B.

    To answer JB — I give a big thumbs up to “Christmas Wrapping.” Once that tune is in my head, it stays there all season. In a good way, not a sadistic “Santa Baby” way.

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  10. Brad

    I think “Wonderful Christmastime” wins because it sneaks its way onto the rock stations around here thanks to it being by McCartney. Which is how I wound up hearing it millions of times. It’s also very repetitive which over the decades wears a man down.
    Christmas Shoes (which I hadn’t before) is clearly a more terrible song but it’s not significantly worse than the light pop bullshit they play on most of those contemporary adult stations.

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  11. kevin from NC

    How can any list be complete w/o 38 Special’s rendition of Santa Claus Wants Some Loving?
    That song is truely bad.

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  12. emma

    Being that I’m a big ol’ sap about Christmas, I have a hard time saying anything bad about Christmas songs, but here goes.
    “Christmas Shoes” is the 10 point favorite to win this tourney. Don’t know how “Santa Baby” didn’t make it past the first round. I could see “Grandma got run over by a Reindeer” upsetting “Shoes”.
    I love “Christmas Wrapping” – only Christmas song that I listen to year round. It invariably leads to my kids and I dancing around the kitchen whenever it comes on. And it is one of the reasons I love “Fred Claus.”
    I forced my eight year old to read “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” a couple of weeks ago – it was a battle of the wills – I won and she really ended up liking it. I read it for the umpteenth time – laughing all the way. It does not come with a bad Christmas song, but I just love the vision of “HEY! Unto you a child is born!” Sorry to digress.

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  13. Scott

    I have studiously avoided hearing the Christmas Shoes despite its inclusion on almost every list of awful songs. Same for the hippo song. If I die without hearing either of them, I will consider this to be my life’s crowning achievement (I aim low).
    Happy Xmas should not be in the tournament. The Chipmunks must have lost their conference tournament at the buzzer, because they could have done some serious damage. Surprised that none of the versions of the 12 days of Chritsmas made the list.

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  14. Kevin_In_Philadelphia

    Wonderful Christmas Time MUST win for the worst song. It is terrible, just turrrrible.
    Although I do take issue with Baby It’s Cold Outside being a 1 seed. I think it is clever, and Dean Martin is great…although admittedly I do refer to it as “the christmas date rape song”.

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  15. Bud

    Cool Mashup!
    How’d they miss Elton’s phoned-in “Step Into Christmas”? WTF does that even MEAN?!
    And where are “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” and “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas”? Those two are just instant “Bah Humbug” for me.
    Of the ones on the bracket, I’m torn between “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” and “Little Drummer Boy”….

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  16. Bud

    One more that should have made the bracket – “Jingle Bell Rock”. Can we retire that one?
    My favorite is probably Billy Squier’s “Christmas is the Time to Say I Love You.”

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  17. Bud

    OK, I’m officially too stoopid to comment today (so I’ll comment a third time). Not only are “Rockin around the Xmas tree” and “Jingle Bell Rock” on the bracket, but Ian mentioned “Rockin’ Around” in his post. That’ll teach me to skim, I guess.
    Merry Merry and Happy Happy, all!

    Reply
  18. emma

    @CM – it is not popular anymore, hence the battle of the wills. But my 11 year old had read it a couple of years ago and we always giggle about it. We were sitting in church two or three weeks ago (first or second sunday of Advent) and they were reading the gospel, explaining how the angel came down and said Jesus would be named “Wonderful, Counselor, mighty God, etc . . .” I whispered to my son in my best Imogene Herdman voice “My God! He’d never get out of the first grade if he had to write all of that.” We giggled for ten minutes. My husband was shooting us both very dirty looks. It was then I decided my daughter must read this book.

    Reply
  19. caveman

    How on EARTH can the tournament committee leave Dominick the Donkey out of the tournament. It is OUTRAGEOUS with a capital “O” baby. I mean look at their regular season – they beat Baby its Cold Outside – twice, they beat Frosty in Frosty’s building. If someone can explain that logic to me I sure would love to hear it, and don’t give me strength of schedule because none of the big guys will play them. I think this is disgraceful and I would hate to be the composer that has to look Dominick in the eye and tell him he’s not in.

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  20. Bob

    Oh, please, is this serious? I don’t see how, if the worst Christmas song in the world, “Little Drummer Boy,” was knocked out early, and the second worst, Burl Ives’ “Holly Jolly Christmas,” doesn’t even make an appearance.

    Reply

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