resolutions pixelated

8/23/12

Right around Christmas I started using Evernote on my iPhone and Mac – first as a way to keep track of Xmas presents, but soon thereafter for pretty much everything else. I’ve got song snippets, lines of dialogue, bad band names, Lucy quotes, even bits of audio that Soundhound couldn’t identify. One of the first lists I made, however, was called Things I’d Like to Change for 2012.

Tonight, as the summer winds to a close, I looked at the list to see how I was doing, and here’s how I fared:

• spend more time as family, going places with Tessa and Lucy, kid parties, etc.

This was in response to my increasing shut-in-ness of 2011. I think besides my silly-ass surgeries, I have done this one.

• one day a week special after-school time with Lucy

Lucy and I spend awesome amounts of time together, but it’s always random and unplanned. When she starts school again, I want to set aside a specific afternoon of the week just for us!

• opting in more volunteer time with school

Good lord, did that. I played guitar for four different assemblies and rehearsed the kids for weeks beforehand.

• no beginning or ending projects until daily writing for work is complete

Still guilty as charged. But our jobs are so weird. And I love my projects.

• get rid of all detritus under stairs and by the stereo system

I’m a big believe in resolutions that combine the overarching themes of life with picayune bullshit. I happen to have completed this particular slice of picayune bullshit.

• be more present and contented and counted on and accounted for

I give myself an A-minus on this one, which was obviously the hardest thing on the list. I’ll have to ask Tessa if she thinks that’s too lenient a grade.

• meditate once a day at least for 20 minutes

Very sketchy on this; it comes in waves.

• physical exertion once a day for at least 30 minutes

Surgery fucked this one up.

• finish upstairs office, getting all boxes emptied and all unfiled filed

Yes. Sort of. I mean, yes. Basically.

•start garden early this year, both raised bed and back potted plants

Yes! Yes! Yes! Even though my seedlings have been BIZARRELY INCONSISTENT.

LucyIanTomatoSeedlingCent(bl).jpg

The Lucy & Daddo Tomato Seedling Center

• deal with frustration of being beholden to pills and come to grips with it

Still a work in progress. Every time my alarm goes off (meaning time for some pill) I feel like frisbeeing my phone into the fuckin’ woods and hunting bison.

• get back to NYC every two months or eight weeks

Solved largely by being here in NY all summer long, which is something we didn’t know when I wrote the list.

• clear my dresser area in bedroom totally

Oh, that motherfucker is clear.

• get all tools in garage airtight and table clean and everything put away

That has SO not happened yet.

• understand that you are not your feelings, people are capable of change

This has come largely true, but I wonder if it makes any sense as advice – I’m beginning to see depression (at least MY depression) as a chemical manifestation, like being drunk on despondency, and very few aphorisms can penetrate it. In a way, accepting the neurological foundation of profound sadness has been liberating.

• “yes and…” instead of “it’s not my fault”

A little bit of Del Close and improv theater in my list. I am still a defensive fuck, though.

• when traveling, be ready the night before

Totally done this! I have been packed and ready for trips BEFORE TESSA on occasion this year, which should be accompanied by a SHREDDING GUITAR SOLO.

• nap if necessary

I find naps very disorienting. I know people love them, but I feel like I miss enough shit as it is.

• each day make a list of what gives me joy

Well, I’m still writing this, aren’t I?

0 thoughts on “resolutions pixelated

  1. CM

    A list each day? That’s going to take away from ENJOYING the things that bring you joy.
    You gave yourself a little too much homework. But congrats on all that you have done!

    Reply
  2. Bill

    The “Yes and…” is excactly what I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, and doing very poorly at delivering. I listen to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast regularly, and this principle of improv has come up at times with his guests. Just yesterday, I was listening to his interview with David Koechner and there it was again.
    It has resonated with me because I’m currently working in a highly negative, nearly toxic work environment. I’m moderately unhappy, but some of my colleagues are actively angry and their first reaction to everything is knee-jerk negativity and hostility. I’m trying to look at things through the “yes and…” prism to bring back some of the spirit of collaboration and well, just to get outside of my own head and bullshit. If the choice is between “yes and…” or “fuck no” — I’m trying to give the former a try for a while.
    Applies to dealing with my kids too. It is easy to say “no” or “stop” or whatever. Or — at times — I’ve found that easier than engaging or constructively dealing with the situation/request at hand.
    Note to self: also make better use of Evernote (currently installed on every device but often ignored).

    Reply
  3. Bill

    I think I’m safe in saying “non-profit medical association” — safe because I doubt anyone I work with is a regular reader here and safe because I’ve occupationally outed myself here several times over the years (with health tips and probably a few blatant plugs for my association’s public-health-oriented efforts).
    The negative work environment is largely driven by a change in leadership. The warm fuzzies that kept us going through pathetic salaries, paltry benefits and long hours have disappeared…replaced by “grow revenue” and “build the brand” and other corporate hack BS. “Yes and…” — there is still something to learn here, I suppose, to make me better for the next thing. But right now it feels like the soul of something once halfway decent has been stomped flat.

    Reply

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