second, once removed


I’d like to turn the comments section over to y’all who may have gotten lost in the deluge of FB and Twitter posts last night, or those who want to have a little more real estate to express how you think the debate went last night.

I shall mostly remain from saying anything, because you know what I think: that Obama should have yelled “GOODNIGHT CLEVELAND” and dropped the mike on the floor. But there’s one thing I need to get off my tits…

Mitt Romney, I speak for a growing number of agnostics and atheists when I say: fuck you and your invocation of God in a debate on governmental policy. I walked that walk; to quote Suicidal Tendencies, “I went to YOUR schools, I went to YOUR churches, I went to YOUR institutional learning facilities-”

You looked around the room and said we were all “children of God”. Let’s get this straight right now: I am a child of these two folks:


who, in turn, are children of these four folks:

KleaJun67(bl).jpg GrandpaAlWashingDishes(bl).jpg GrandpaRedGenevaCabin(bl).jpg

who were previously children of these nice ladies and gents:

JohnPearlEvansChair(bl).jpg WWWandMaryWorsley(bl).jpg RichardGrandmother(bl).jpg

who had been children of some of the following:

WilliamEvans(bl).jpg GreatGrandmaWorsley(bl).jpg PearlWilldenMother(bl).jpg RichardGreatGrandfather(bl).jpg

It’s not that I don’t care you went on a mission for your church; it’s that it should be irrelevant and bringing it up is creepy. Not everybody knows what you truly believe, Mitt, but I know more than most. And that’s fine when it’s my beloved aunts, uncles and cousins, but it’s not fine when you’re carrying the nuclear football.

Calling us children of your God is the ultimate in patriarchy, hegemony, and rude presumption. Sure, it’s probably offensive to all the other religions in America, but I don’t really care about them either. I just care about keeping faith, magical stories, dark fantasies and 4,000-year-old boogeymen OUT OF MY GOVERNMENT.

Atheists are like feminists: there’s something about our demeanor that guarantees erection loss and a night of dreary conversation. Hell, I’m both – how the hell do I have any friends left? When I walk into the room, why don’t my peers roll their eyes and groan “oh no, here we go again”?

Because there is a way to believe in magic, to have your arms wide open to accept the mysteries of the universe, to revel in the unending effervescence of existence without going to motherfucking church. I know that seems impossible for you to believe; such is the overwhelming liquor of faith.

You’re convinced that we would all LOVE YOUR FAVORITE BAND if only we would listen. You’ll never accept that many of us did listen, for a long time, and we just can’t stand that song anymore.



0 thoughts on “second, once removed

  1. Salem

    Mornin’- Hey- did you see that Billy Graham removed The Mormon Church from his list of Cults after meeting with Romney last week? Last year he came out politically against gay marriage in NC, now his politics inform his religion.
    I just hope social services steps in before his handlers start dressing him like Stevie Wonder. It’s time to take a lesson from the Johnny Carson play book.

  2. SWF

    I am an atheist – I do not believe anything that Mitt believes.
    When he said we are “All children of the same God” it was the most disingenuous moment of the night. That sentence sounds like “I respect your religion.” Instead it means “We are all children of the God in which I believe, and in time, all of you will be converted to my church.”
    In no way did he mean “Mohammed, Jesus and Buddha are all representatives of the same God – just in different forms, so it’s all good.”
    I simply can’t believe anyone would vote for him other than rich, white Mormons.

  3. treygeen

    Damn straight. Yet, after invoking God, his religion will still remain off limits to discussion as to his suitability for office.

  4. kjf

    and this is the same man who protested FOR the war in vietnam and then used his religion to not serve. why is this disconnect never raised?

  5. AJay

    Relax, Ian. I’m no Romney fan, but he didn’t say “We all owe so much to Joseph Smith”.
    Consider someone like Spinoza or Einstein. Clearly not church goers and Bible thumpers, but I think even they could agree with the idea that we are the product of something miraculous and that it might even be okay to call such ground of being “God”.
    Romney simply used the word “God”. Relax. I hate religion in politics with a burning passion. Romney didn’t invoke that last night (that I’m aware of).

  6. markw

    This is why I read your blog – “Atheists are like Feminists …..”
    That is hilarious, and right, and hilarious, and right, and hilarious, and …….


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