1 Now the LORD looked down upon the United States and saw two men who clamored to be chiefs of that tribe.
2 The first was kind and justly, but the other was a Beguiler in the eyes of the LORD God. Though this charlatan was but pharisaical of mouth, he was black of heart.
3 So that all Mankind could see the Beguiler doth shrink by comparison, the LORD called forth winds from the tropics:
4 And these winds began to swirl, and the LORD God said, I call your name Sandy, and ye shall head north into tribal lands:
5 Whereupon many will suffer, yet many more will awake.
6 And when they doth countenance the two men, they will see one chief who worked so that others may be fruitful:
7 And they will also see the Beguiler, who spake of shutting down FEMA and handing it to the private sector.
8 Indeed, sayeth the LORD, this Dissembler is in sore surfeit of the one blessing Adam took from the Garden – empathy.
9 If it cannot be counted in shekels and silver, the Oily Prevaricator doth lack all understanding. He lieth with a smile; he concealeth a wolf’s cruelty with sheepish concern.
10 ‘Twas never nature’s intention to let the meek disinherit the earth, spake the LORD God at last, and mankind only gets nearer to Me when the least of them feels not alone:
11 I may help those who help themselves, but this Mitt Romney character is a sad, ridiculous embarrassment.