El Bosque Roto

Hi Honey!

You’re far, far away from me right now. I’m here, touching your feet. But you’re somewhere else. Somewhere very deep. And probably kind of dark.

I can almost see you there, in that dense forest. You’re taking your time, looking around, touching the soil. You’re wondering, what can I use to get back to my girls?

You’ve always being “nickled & dimed” by annoying physical shit (your phrase, not mine). So, I figured irony would dictate that I would be the one to get something serious. Wow, was I wrong.

I’ve basically been wrong from the beginning here. When we first went to the emergency room on Sunday morning, I was pretty sure the chest x-ray was a waste of time and you just had a lousy virus. But that cute mountain-bike riding doctor, sent us home with a diagnosis of pneumonia and a z-pack. And then when you were admitted later that night with an excruciating headache, I was sure that they’d manage your pain over night and we’d all be watching So You Think You Can Dance together on before bedtime on Monday. And then, and then, and then…

And now western medicine is doing what it does best. It’s sticking your body to the earth. It’s giving you the oxygen you can’t breathe yourself. It’s giving you the liquids you can’t drink on your own. It’s filling you with a bunch of medicines you don’t really need just in case you do.

I don’t know that we’ll ever know how you got so sick.

I wish I could draw you the map for the journey back. I wish I could pack you a lunch (and you know how much I HATE packing lunch) or bundle you up in durable, wicking clothes. Really, I wish I could come with you. I have an incredibly good sense of direction. That could be really helpful.

But I can’t.

Here’s what I can do. I can be your constant light. Me and the crazy disturbed following you’ve cultivated over the years. We’re standing here. We are the light.

And in front of us is your little girl.

Her name is light. Just follow that light.



0 thoughts on “El Bosque Roto

  1. chip

    I’m going to repeat Virginia’s prayer, because I loved it so and it was about light
    As you have taught us to call the evening, the morning, and the noonday one day; and have made the sun to know it is going down: Dispel the darkness of our hearts, that by your brightness we may know the eternal light, living and reigning for ever and ever

  2. killian

    “Her name is Light.” So very beautiful and tear-inducing. Praying hard and holding your precious trio in the light. Be well soon, Ian.

  3. Kmeelyon

    I am thinking, wishing, praying, everything in my power to help Ian find his way back here from the place of sickness. I know he would want to do anything in his power to get back to you all. Love, love, love. Come back, Ian! You have so much to do and to give.

  4. Jill

    I am so so sorry to hear this. Please make sure ID doc knows that he was just in Italy ( sure they know by now but makes me feel like I am helping somehow) as a SARS like virus was just found to be infecting people there and in France…recognized within past two weeks
    Thoughts and prayers…

  5. Anne

    Tessa, I’m incredibly moved by this. What a deft, light touch you brought to something so terrifying and dark. Her name is Light, indeed.
    Ian! Come back to us, to your family and friends and fans. We are praying for you. We miss you.

  6. Ryke

    I pray you the peace that love calls the universe and that we call divine. Pull that coal back from the ashes, Lord.

  7. Stephanie

    I will be lighting the Sabbath candles tonight with a prayer for Ian’s total and rapid recovery. In fact, I have been praying that everything will be all right since I first heard about this and will continue to do so. Tessa, I feel for you now and am so sorry you and your family are going through this.

  8. CM

    I am so sorry that things have gone this far. I hope Ian’s body is resting and repairing himself so that his good humor returns to us soon…and I know that the greatest healer is yours.

  9. Julie

    Praying for you all. And I sympathize too. My husband has been to the ER three times in the last week and spent a day and a half in the hospital over the past day or so. He can’t keep much food down/in and has enormous pain in the upper stomach and/or esophagus. They have done numerous tests to no avail. One enzyme level spiked drastically high (warranting the admit), and he docs thought they had the answer – acute pancreatitis. But the enzyme level dropped and all the other tests point away from that (he doesn’t drink and had no gallstones). He will now have to get scoped because we are running out of ideas and theories and he has lost over 10 pounds in the last two and a half weeks. He is not a bog guy so this is a lot of weight. And to think, we had assumed it was a minor stomach bug. I know he is not nearly as ill as Ian, but I do sympathize with your frustration and your sense of helplessness. I hope Ian finds that beautiful light very soon because I, like everyone else here, miss him so.

  10. Jackie

    I will also be lighting Shabbat candles tonight and praying for Ian.
    I hope Ian is just looking over Coastopia, crusing about, enjoying the land he created.
    And, heading towards the light.

  11. jiff

    ian sweetie. we just love you. everyone here adores the crap out of you and wishes you – just hurry up and get better. xxxxxx


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