MY MENTAL STATE OVER THE LAST WEEK, IN LIST FORM:
Event: Hear the song “Fireflies” on the radio in car. Remember Lucy did her first ice skating recital to this song, dressed as a firefly.
Reaction: Break down in tears and bonk my head on the steering wheel
Event: Watch Mac Rogers play Frankenstein Upstairs where main character says, “Oh yes, death is the enemy. We love it when we vanquish our enemy.”
Reaction: Silently fight back tears in audience, furtively hunt for Kleenex
Event: Contestant on “So You Think You Can Dance” finally makes it into the Top 20 after her family gave up everything to get her to the audition
Reaction: Hang back behind stairwell so Tessa and Lucy don’t have to deal with me crying
Event: Watch the Symphony of Science video “We Are All Connected”:
Reaction: Eyes fill with tears wondering how close I might have been to being utterly disconnected from the universe
Event: See entire episode of Treehouse Masters where Pete Nelson builds an Irish cottage treehouse for a couple in Orange County, CA.
Reaction: Cry because the woman does when she finally sees the finished product
Event: Seeing my daughter utterly engrossed in the audiobook playing on the car stereo, leaning on my mom’s dog Hildy, completely mesmerized by narrative fiction as she always is.
Reaction: Feel lucky I’m wearing sunglasses so nobody can see the water coming out of my eyes as I think how unbelievably lucky I am
Event: Alone in the car with my wife traveling up the BQE, she tells me about the conversations she had with my parents as I worsened in the hospital.
Reaction: Cannot speak for sobbing, still so confused about how to go on from here, still so overwhelmed, wondering when I won’t be such a quivering mess anymore