3/13/03 Brooklyn, NY
I’ve generally had good luck with Mac computers each one I’ve bought has lasted way past its own relevancy and certainly far into the nether reaches of Moore’s Law. I have waxed philippic about my Mac Plus, Quadra 660AV, Powerbook 1400, iMac and iBook until the guards came and took away my TV privileges.
And I know most of you reading this blog are doing so on a PC; I mean, I read the webstats. 69% of you, to be exact. Believe me, I look upon a nation of PC’s the way I look at a car dealership with miles of new SUV’s: we gotta suffer through all that hardware until people start acting responsibly.
But I confess to having bought my first Apple lemon: a G4 tower 1.25 GHz dual-processing machine that crashed 45 times, had a “kernel panic” ten times, and froze at least four. Editing the the Pink House movie on that thing was, on a good day, merely Sisyphean; on bad days, we wanted to drop it out the window and let it smash on Berkeley Street.
I won’t go into the unfathomable number of hours spent on the phone with various Apple employees and our reseller, but our editor Jessie and my betrothed Tessa deserve entry into the Can I Speak To Your Supervisor Award for Infinite Patience sweepstakes. Finally, after two months in the shop (and a replaced motherboard, hard drive, blah blah fucking blah) we were rewarded with a brand spanking new G4 1.42 dual. And today we began the fine edit of our film for the first time, with no crashes, no panics, and at a blinding speed.
Tessa is asleep now, so I’m off to make slow, sensual love to our new G4 tower. O blessed dual-processor, make our movie full of delight, won’t you? Say you’ll massage it into a boisterously funny comedy, okay baby? I promise I’ll [insert computer-related genitalia joke here] and then [insert sexual computer pun on “firmware” here] and perhaps [dumb “hard drive” innuendo followed by RAM used as verb] if only you’ll [uninspired, poorly-thought-out “screen inches” joke to leave audience “laughing”].