Monthly Archives: May 2003

5/22/03 Columbia County, NY Offhanded

5/22/03 Columbia County, NY

Offhanded comment.

Offhanded comment invokes mild criticism masquerading as “societal observation.”

Bait taken; criticism deflected back.

Invocation of other family members to validate criticism.

Blustery denial punctuated by bursts of entitlement.

Logic questioned, then elevated decibel level.

Fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight.

Object thrown across room.

Severe indignation at object thrown across room.

Fight about object thrown across room.

Argument moved to location where guests can’t hear.

Long, heartfelt grievance.

Long, heartfelt grievance in return.

Non-committal concession offered.

Concession refused.

Fight fight fight.

Fight fight.


Meaningful concession offered.

Mea culpa offered in return.

Tears, exhaustion.

Deep embrace.


5/21/03 Columbia County, NY Have

5/21/03 Columbia County, NY

Have any of you, my fair readers, ever tilled 625 square feet of lawn with a reverse push-tiller?

If you have, you know why my body is only permitting me to post a picture on the blog instead of a heartfelt rant about subjects diverse and irrational.

silhouettes dart up the hill

5/20/03 Columbia County, NY no,

5/20/03 Columbia County, NY

no, my belly isn’t actually that big, thank you

In order to truly understand cows, you have to bring yourself down to their level. If you want to feel the most unbelievably ticklish sandpaper tongue on God’s green earth, you have to bring yourself beneath their level.

You were asking how the 2003 Milk Cow Sensitivity Training is going? Fine, and yours? As long as we keep living amongst them and nothing bad happens, then they start associating us with fun (even if we do eat their brethren from time to time). This particular batch is more feisty than last year, and in a bizarre reversal of Darwinian selection, they like to chase our border collie around.

What I’d really like to do is jump on the fence, be very patient, and at the last moment, JUMP ON ONE OF THEM AND SEE HOW FAR I CAN RIDE! YEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

In other farm-related news, Sean and I played pool with Dad and Uncle Chuck in the barn. That structure just screams brotherhood since the 1940s, Bob and Jim Nelson played basketball and wrestled in those very rooms. Their scoreboard graffiti, from long-fought games, is still on the walls upstairs. It felt gratifying for my Dad and his brother to play me and mine. Stranger still, my middle name is my dad’s, and Sean’s middle name is my uncle’s.

Besides, could two non-twins look any more alike?

Chuck and Dad milkin’, roughly 1948 – – – Chuck and Dad chalkin’, roughly last night

5/18/03 Columbia County, NY I

5/18/03 Columbia County, NY

I got semi-scooped by the NY Times today, which is no way to begin the morning. I had an idea percolating in my head, about how much trouble this blog has been to me, how many feathers I’ve ruffled, how many things I’ve had to dance around, and how many family members I’ve pissed off and whether or not it’s truly worth it.

I’d actually pitched it to a few places about a month ago, but no action was taken, and well, now the Times pretty much shot that wad for me. Theorists of cognitive resonance proffer the notion that all “epiphanies” never just happen to one person, they happen to several at once. They also believe that the knowledge of one person is something that can be subtly transferred to another without them ever meeting. Studies were done on crossword puzzles from the Times, where people taking the Sunday puzzle on Wednesday finished twice as fast as those who took it on the day it came out, even though it was “new” to both parties. The idea was that the puzzle answers were out there, swimming in the collective spiritus mundi of New Yorkers by Sunday night, and the later puzzle-takers had the advantage of their own unconscious. Similar studies have been done on monkeys living on separate islands. Or I could have just gotten this whole paragraph wrong, and some sociology grad student is looking skyward and sighing in disgust.

But I’ve been kicking around this taco stand called Media for a few years now, and I can tell you this: if you have a great idea, don’t think you’re alone. Somebody else has it too, and it’s a race from then on. I happened to lose this one.

my dad barbecues hamburger, while the cows in the field look on with macabre interest

My Uncle Chuck flew in today, making it a nice testosterone fest of Williamsesess: Sean, me, Dad and Chuck. Lindsay and Dana came over for grilled burgers, and we sat around making fun of the freemasons (our grandfather was in the 32nd order, apparently kind of like “vice-grand-dragon” or something). Some good champagne was had by many, and the peanut butter chocolate chip pie was richer than hell. I had bought what I thought was peach pie, but upon further inspection, it was apple, which I find boring as snot. I’m going to find the stockboy at the IGA who mis-labeled my pie and kick his ass!

5/17/03 Columbia County, NY I

5/17/03 Columbia County, NY

I threw my pants on the dresser, turned on the nightstand light and Tessa and I started talking about some crazy shit that Martha Stewart was doing with shards of broken pottery.

Then we both stopped talking, as we noticed the shadow on the wall:

click for bigger

Some things are creepy, some things are beautiful, and some things are truly both.

5/16/03 Columbia County, NY Do

5/16/03 Columbia County, NY

Do any of you read this on the weekend? I know some bloggers only write on weekdays, and if you ever look at your webstat page, it’s easy to see why: nobody reads anything on Saturday, and less than nobody reads anything on Sunday. Not having committed to the regular work week since 2001, I’m a bit of a stranger to that way of thinking, but I do remember what it was like.

The one thing that truly sucked about That Internet Job besides “everything”

5/15/03 Brooklyn, NY Things I

5/15/03 Brooklyn, NY

Things I Did Wrong Today

– forgot to take lactose intolerance pill after cheese ingestion; intestinal disaster followed

– copied 1.17 gigabytes of the wrong folder from the old Mac to the new one; 47 minutes wasted

– kicked dog poop while walking, 1:30pm

– attempted to pay Mr. Wonton Chinese Delivery with a credit card

– told new guy at hoops to “fuck off,” even though he deserved it; everyone on court stopped playing and spent over a minute shaming me

– almost drank bottle of chamomile-scented ironing water

5/14/03 Brooklyn, NY Due to

5/14/03 Brooklyn, NY

Due to an amazing confluence of events – my impending birthday, the insurance on stuff stolen on our trip, our upcoming nuptials, a giant tax return, and a lucky day on eBay I have pretty much upgraded my entire electronic life. This will probably be the last blog I write on my awesome gay little Tangerine iBook because a windfall allowed us to get the new 17-inch Powerbook. I can’t tell you how beautiful this fella is; you have to go to one of the Apple Stores and caress it for yourself. We got the big one because we’re doing so much video crunching and writing with several documents open at once, but I’m sure there’s a cock issue or two in there somewhere.

The Apple Store in Soho looks like Jor-El’s palace in the second Superman movie everything is the color of crystals and snow, even the toilet seat cover dispensers. These people have vision, I tellya. Could you imagine walking into a Dell store without trying to fight back a drooling, soporific stupor? Apple stuff is so cool that I’ve gladly spent 1/3rd more money in my life just to stick with them.

Every five years, they blow the roof off of the computing world with something so great that scores of thick-footed PC mavens pee themselves playing catch-up. In 1987, it was the Mac Plus; in 1992 it was the first Powerbooks; in 1997, it was the iMac; and last year it was the iPod. The fact that Apple still maintains less than 10% of the computer market should be Exhibit A for Why Americans Are So Goddamn Stupid.

The other great purchase or, rather, re-purchase

5/13/03 Brooklyn, NY Dad and

5/13/03 Brooklyn, NY

Dad and Carole took us to Union Square Caf tonight, and I got one of my favorite dishes in all mankind: the sushi-grade seared tuna with wasabi mashed potatoes. I know I should be more adventurous, but it’s such a sure thing.

Tessa and Michelle test lipstick at the Duane Reade – apparently this Lipfinity stuff rocks the free world

Aboard the Q train on the way home, we sat next to a young Russian couple who were cracking themselves up over a subway schedule. They used a mix of Russian and English that was truly remarkable, actually saying stuff like “dupronya biltsch der smoylitsnyana fucking sucks blytonisch fyghyrya!”

I think we had more in common with these two: