About two years ago around this time, I had a few days of blogs that accidentally (on purpose) ended up asking the regular commenters and lurkers how much sex they were having. I blame my darling LFMD, of course, but it resulted in a blog that made several of my younger friends rethink marriage. Go back and read the original entry if you want, but the basic consensus was pretty dire.
Apparently certain clichés about marriage (and longterm relationships) were coming to bear for a lot of couples, and the revelations managed to be both heartbreaking and cathartic. Some of the conversations continued off-blog, and all I can say is “thank god I was a music and psychology major.”
I know this sort of thing tends to be self-selecting, which skews your comments one way or another, but the people involved used pseudonyms, and I didn’t see any glaring psychological reason why couples having great sex would avoid posting.
For some reason, Tessa’s recent article on maiden-name-changing and last week’s Mormon discussion brought the subject back, as I’ve gotten four or five emails and FB requests to revisit the topic. Put simply, there were some of you who seemed despondent, and people wanted to know if you got a happy ending (as it were).
Since I don’t know who the commenters were – they used anonymous animal names – I’m not sure if the natural turnover of a blog audience means they’ve been replaced. But if you were, say, “hippo”, “Fucky the squirrel”, “lynx”, “Makoshark”, “Hermit crab”, “wildebeest” or any of the other commenters in flux, YOU ARE BEING ASKED ABOUT.
If you missed that particular debate, put yourself in scathingly honest mode, and try it. Give yourself an anonymous animal name, and answer as they did, the following questions:
• How often (times per week or month or year) do you have sex, as you define it?
• What are you and your partner’s ages, and how long have you been together?
• What does it lack, and what do you want? (be as specific or graphic as necessary)
• What is awesome?
…And if you were one of the originals, how have things altered in the last two years? I’ll leave this up tomorrow as well, just to give the crowd enough latitude to unlatch from the Great Facebook Teat to see it in real time.
To quote from the earlier blog:
Hopefully this can go beyond titillating and actually be educational, as these sorts of queries – however informal – are notoriously hard to pull off.
Remember to put firstname.lastname@example.org (or whatever you choose to be) in the “email” field as well. Okay, get it off your chest! (as it were)
UPDATE… – I’m leaving this blog up another day due to popular demand and folks wanting more, which says (to me, anyway) there’s a real need to talk about these things in this particular way.
There need to be more places where we can have this kind of… “anonymous honesty”. You need to be able to say whatever the hell you want without all the pressures of direct human expectation. Therapy and heart-to-heart confrontation is always the best policy, but having a place to vent is needed as well.
Some of the comments are being caught by the spam filter (because of your filthy language!) but give it a few minutes and it’ll get it on the blog. Don’t let its prissy nature stop you!
OH, AND ONE MORE THING: I’ll be in the Pit today, on UNC’s campus, at noon to hang with Andy Bagwell, smash a Dook piñata, and sell some books!