Can someone please tell me, once and for all, what the fuck is up with American men and their goddamn guns? Assholes with weaponry believe the 2nd Amendment gave them two inalienable rights: the freedom to bear arms, and an invitation to hold forth on their sickening obsession every time somebody blows the head off their girlfriend.
In case you don’t follow sports (or news), Jovan Belcher, a linebacker for the Kansas City Chiefs killed his girlfriend and them himself this weekend, leaving their 2-month-old daughter an orphan. The only person who initially showed any horror for the gun culture that led to the tragedy was Bob Costas, who was then ridiculed and vilified on all the relevant social media.
But the real fuckup belonged to The NFL Today show on Sunday, when the Packers played the Chiefs in a game that was almost cancelled (and where the Chiefs almost wore Belcher’s number on their uniform in memoriam). The entire TV debacle is recounted in hair-raising detail throughout Richard Deitsch’s must-read article at Sports Illustrated, but it was truly a lesson in How Most Of America Doesn’t Give A Shit, Just Fucking Play Football.
That’s fine. There is always going to be a subset of the population that can’t muster a care about their own kids, let alone the murdered girlfriend of an NFL linebacker. Along with them are the whackjob Republicans and suburban guerillas who stockpile ammo and use massacres as a prompt for talking points about their God-given rights. Nothing illegal about that.
But if you get the Second Amendment, I get the First. So let me just say this to the legions of gun-lovers who took to Twitter after the tragedy, and populated comment-sections and Facebook with your unique brand of scorched-earth philosophy: god, you are a bunch of assholes.
If you can’t see how gun-mania in this country doesn’t end up killing thousands of people who otherwise would have lived, you are either an imbecile or criminally self-involved. Gun ownership is at an all-time high, with 47% of Americans saying they have a gun on their property. And the vast majority of you are precisely the wrong motherfuckers to have them: quick-tempered and slow-witted.
You rant endlessly about Obama coming to take your guns away from you, but in reality, that’s your sick fantasy: you’d like nothing better than to fire 800 rounds into anyone coming near your stash. Honestly, you should complete your Freudian metaphor and have a P-32 grafted to your cock.
You no doubt chuckle while little thought bubbles pop over your head: pointing your hand cannon at a quaking, emasculated liberal, and asking them how much their big words mean now. But your guns only serve to create danger, panic and accidental catastrophe, and the odds say your own blood will be the first spilt.
Do us all a favor. The next time someone mows down a theater full of patrons or kills their wife with the gun in the glove box, just shut the fuck up. Let the families mourn while you polish your chrome in silence.